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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Female messaged dp that she’s ‘obsessed’ with him

151 replies

Dayna67 · 15/09/2023 19:53

Hello all, am I being unreasonable?

dp and I returned home from the spa. When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story. He has a large social media following due to his fitness profession.

when we got home he was telling me ‘she said she’s obsessed with me’. He kept repeating it and said ‘let me show you’. I said no thank you I don’t want to see and that I don’t want to argue. I said this because I knew if I saw the message it would upset me and I’m not in the mood to argue about it.

he gets ALOT of attention on social media from women. From young to older ladies, he meets most of them from his workplace at the gym. He proceeded to show me the message, which I could only see some of as his hand was covering some parts.

she said ‘you are hot as f*ck’. Then she said ‘I’m obsessed with you’.

I’m not particularly bothered about her messages. I can’t stop females from being attracted to him or trying their luck on social media. What bothered me was the fact I saw he had responded to her messages multiple times. Fair enough what I saw were just short responses, for example when she said she’s obsessed he replied ‘really?’.

he had responded every time. Now if that was me all hell would break loose. I couldn’t imagine a guy in my dms telling me he thinks I’m hot and I actually replied to his messages and then had the audacity to laugh about it and show my dp. He thinks it’s innocent that he showed me but I think it’s outright disrespectful.

he would never accept me responding to a guy in my dms especially considering it was clearly a flirty manor that the female thinks he’s got as fuck.

he apologised in the end but I think it was just a cop-out. He doesn’t actually see the harm or problem in what he’s done.

OP posts:
Cowlover89 · 15/09/2023 19:56

YADNBU. I wouldn't be happy with that x

Chickychoccyegg · 15/09/2023 19:59

Sounds like he's encouraging her with the replies.
I would be unhappy with this.

saymynamesaymy · 15/09/2023 20:00

Blatantly liking the attention off her

MiniCooperLover · 15/09/2023 20:01

He's encouraging her and wants you jealous as well.

cassiatwenty · 15/09/2023 20:01

Not nice. It's his job, okay, but he might consider acting professional. It's a bit disrespectful isn't it.

ConsuelaHammock · 15/09/2023 20:01

You’re dating a man who posts pics of himself online topless and you’re blaming a woman for finding him attractive? He sounds incredibly vain. If you don’t trust him then let him go?

ConsuelaHammock · 15/09/2023 20:02

Is he hot but dim?

Gcsunnyside23 · 15/09/2023 20:02

He wanted you to see his reply and wanted you to feel insecure about it. It's tactical

5128gap · 15/09/2023 20:05

Your DP craves female attention. That's the reason he posts the pictures in the first place and he responds to the messages to milk it as much as he can. Whether this would escalate to actual cheating is anybodies guess.
Your problem isnt this one woman. In the scheme of things she's irrelevant, she just fuel for his ego. Your real problem is being in a relationship with a man who needs attention so badly he will cross the boundaries most people would want in place in their relationship to get it.

Angryappendix · 15/09/2023 20:06

He’s not your DP

JustHappyWhereIAm · 15/09/2023 20:12

Ooh no, I wouldn’t be happy about this.

your attention clearly isn’t good enough for him.

I’d be having serious words about the need for the topless selfies and replies to comments.

StHilarion · 15/09/2023 20:12

He is keeping you on your toes, he wants you aware that others find him desirable. It appears he actively solicits attention

AvocadotoastORahouse · 15/09/2023 20:12

5128gap · 15/09/2023 20:05

Your DP craves female attention. That's the reason he posts the pictures in the first place and he responds to the messages to milk it as much as he can. Whether this would escalate to actual cheating is anybodies guess.
Your problem isnt this one woman. In the scheme of things she's irrelevant, she just fuel for his ego. Your real problem is being in a relationship with a man who needs attention so badly he will cross the boundaries most people would want in place in their relationship to get it.

Yep - absolute attention whore and trying to "keep you on your toes" rather than reassuring you and dealing professionally and respectfully with his female followers.

Emotionally immature prick in other words.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 15/09/2023 20:16

Vain as a peacock.

AngelinaFibres · 15/09/2023 20:17

ConsuelaHammock · 15/09/2023 20:01

You’re dating a man who posts pics of himself online topless and you’re blaming a woman for finding him attractive? He sounds incredibly vain. If you don’t trust him then let him go?

This. He is doing it on purpose. He is enjoying the attention from her and the fact that it is upsetting you. He sounds like the sort of man my mother would describe as 'never lonely as long as he's got a mirror in his hand'.

EvilElsa · 15/09/2023 20:19

He desperately wants you to be jealous. Just laugh and say oh right, how embarrassing and change the subject. It's pathetic.

thaegumathteth · 15/09/2023 20:20

Ewh he sounds desperate whilst being simultaneously insecure and vain. 🤮

VeryQuaintIrene · 15/09/2023 20:21

He sounds completely awful. A certain song by Carly Simon is playing in my head.

EvilElsa · 15/09/2023 20:21

I'd also find such behaviour (the vanity and showing off and attention seeking) so unattractive I'd be seriously considering binning him off. Total ick.

SheSaidHummingbird · 15/09/2023 20:24

Typical narcissist behaviour.

whynotwhatknot · 15/09/2023 20:30

you dont need to post topless pictured just because of the profession-i know someone whos a fitness trainer no pictures of himself online like that

AntiSocial6DaysAWeek · 15/09/2023 20:30

MiniCooperLover · 15/09/2023 20:01

He's encouraging her and wants you jealous as well.

Exactly this.

cheddercherry · 15/09/2023 20:30

So he either wants to make you jealous, make you anxious that he’s got options throwing themselves at him, or start an argument? There’s absolutely no positive to him showing you, especially if he’s hiding half the messages anyway?

Yeah, I’d not be impressed either. Not with the woman necessarily, assuming it’s just a random woman online she can message who she likes, but he doesn’t have to reply and certainly doesn’t have to shove his replies under your nose. It would put me off that he needs you to be insecure? Or does he think you should be patting yourself on the back because he’s such a catch that he can easily snare the women of Instagram? You’re right to be pissed off.

qazxc · 15/09/2023 20:33

I can buy that he may need social media to promote himself professionally.
I understand that that may lead to people trying their luck by messaging.
But why on earth is he responding to her? That's the bit I would have a problem with, that he is encouraging her by replying.

GodDammitCecil · 15/09/2023 20:37

When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story

Sorry but 😂

Dump him for this alone - yes, I am laughing at him.

What came afterwards was clearly much worse, but the photo-shirt-off-Insta-stories is deal-breaker territory alone.

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