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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Female messaged dp that she’s ‘obsessed’ with him

151 replies

Dayna67 · 15/09/2023 19:53

Hello all, am I being unreasonable?

dp and I returned home from the spa. When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story. He has a large social media following due to his fitness profession.

when we got home he was telling me ‘she said she’s obsessed with me’. He kept repeating it and said ‘let me show you’. I said no thank you I don’t want to see and that I don’t want to argue. I said this because I knew if I saw the message it would upset me and I’m not in the mood to argue about it.

he gets ALOT of attention on social media from women. From young to older ladies, he meets most of them from his workplace at the gym. He proceeded to show me the message, which I could only see some of as his hand was covering some parts.

she said ‘you are hot as f*ck’. Then she said ‘I’m obsessed with you’.

I’m not particularly bothered about her messages. I can’t stop females from being attracted to him or trying their luck on social media. What bothered me was the fact I saw he had responded to her messages multiple times. Fair enough what I saw were just short responses, for example when she said she’s obsessed he replied ‘really?’.

he had responded every time. Now if that was me all hell would break loose. I couldn’t imagine a guy in my dms telling me he thinks I’m hot and I actually replied to his messages and then had the audacity to laugh about it and show my dp. He thinks it’s innocent that he showed me but I think it’s outright disrespectful.

he would never accept me responding to a guy in my dms especially considering it was clearly a flirty manor that the female thinks he’s got as fuck.

he apologised in the end but I think it was just a cop-out. He doesn’t actually see the harm or problem in what he’s done.

OP posts:
BrawnWild · 16/09/2023 22:54

He is an insecure prick which is why he has beefed up, posts so much for vanity and puts so much into going out of his way to make you jealous.

Bin him off before you have kids and he cheats to validate himself when you arent in the mood.

Dayna67 · 16/09/2023 23:00

Quick update.

this evening whilst sitting on the sofa, he proceeds to airdrop me an Instagram link on 2 separate occasions.

I accept both times and the first one takes me to a video of a fitness lady doing a workout with the typical gym booty leggings and little sports bra…

a little while later I accepted the second airdrop and it took me to a video of huge buttcheeks on the screen of a young woman lying in a pool with her buttcheeks up in the screen and another young woman’s face coming into the video and she licks something off one of the woman’s butt cheeks. Very sexual, the account it was posted by is just purely posting sexual content of practically naked women, sexual memes, half-cut photos of women in sexual positions just cutting off the intimate areas but making sexual facial expressions.

the second time I ignored it. He wanted a reaction. I eventually asked what he’s hoping to achieve by sending me this and he starts laughing and saying it’s fun to wind me up.

extremely immature and extremely disrespectful.

OP posts:
UpaladderwatchingTV · 16/09/2023 23:20

Can't stand men like this OP! Dump him and find someone who is only interested in YOUR opinion of his body! I'd also be very surprised with him acting like this, if he is faithful to you, and I don't say that to worry you, but men like this rarely are, their egos are just too big.

EvilElsa · 16/09/2023 23:20

Dayna67 · 16/09/2023 23:00

Quick update.

this evening whilst sitting on the sofa, he proceeds to airdrop me an Instagram link on 2 separate occasions.

I accept both times and the first one takes me to a video of a fitness lady doing a workout with the typical gym booty leggings and little sports bra…

a little while later I accepted the second airdrop and it took me to a video of huge buttcheeks on the screen of a young woman lying in a pool with her buttcheeks up in the screen and another young woman’s face coming into the video and she licks something off one of the woman’s butt cheeks. Very sexual, the account it was posted by is just purely posting sexual content of practically naked women, sexual memes, half-cut photos of women in sexual positions just cutting off the intimate areas but making sexual facial expressions.

the second time I ignored it. He wanted a reaction. I eventually asked what he’s hoping to achieve by sending me this and he starts laughing and saying it’s fun to wind me up.

extremely immature and extremely disrespectful.

Just ditch him OP. He's absolutely revolting and a right sad case. How you'd ever have sex with him anyway after all this is beyond me, my fanny has withered up just listening to you describing him.

MsDogLady · 17/09/2023 06:36

Just saw your update. So sleazy, disrespectful and misogynistic. Beyond the pale.

Giveituphq · 17/09/2023 06:39

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Giveituphq · 17/09/2023 06:40

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BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/09/2023 06:43

GodDammitCecil · 15/09/2023 20:37

When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story

Sorry but 😂

Dump him for this alone - yes, I am laughing at him.

What came afterwards was clearly much worse, but the photo-shirt-off-Insta-stories is deal-breaker territory alone.

I agree - I'd get the ick at that alone! He sounds like a vain idiot, I'd have to bin him. Awful.

AuntieEsther · 17/09/2023 06:44

He says it's 'inappropriate' for you to post your legs to instagram but it's fine for him to post his shirtless torso. He's a massive twat, even before you get to him sending you random sexual content to wind you up. How can you put up with him?

rainbowstardrops · 17/09/2023 06:52

He may be physically attractive but his personality is as ugly as fuck.

Lastchancechica · 17/09/2023 06:52

Run.
He is enjoying the attention and this is more important to him than you are.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 17/09/2023 06:52

I've just read you have children with this guy. God, I'm assuming he wasn't like this before you did?

And why do you keep calling women 'females'? It makes you sound like an incel or a MRA - is he into that sort of stuff?

LolaSmiles · 17/09/2023 06:57

He sounds like he's attention seeking and views women as support humans to boost his ego.
He's being disrespectful to you, probably wants to make you jealous or insecure, and is unlikely to change.

The hills are that way. Run.

MrJollyLivesNextDoor · 17/09/2023 07:16

Ugh.

How are you not massively embarrassed and offended by him?

Every update you post gets worse, he sounds like a vile misogynist.

cornflower21 · 17/09/2023 08:26

He's a dick, run for the hills.

He have a zero respect for women.

Tygertiger · 17/09/2023 08:33

You get one life, OP. You’re spending yours with a dickhead who doesn’t love you and clearly isn’t capable of a normal, adult relationship.

Up to you what you do next but you will be happier on your own away from him, even if it means less money. You deserve more than this and your kids have a shit role-model for how a man treats a woman, too.

Baldieheid · 17/09/2023 08:35

He sounds deeply unattractive, OP.

And concerning controlling of you. Do you really want this to continue till your self worth is in the gutter?

Consider your options carefully. He's disrespectful and immature. Plan your escape, just in case you decide you ARE important after all x

GilbertMarkham · 17/09/2023 08:38

If you get UC, which you can still get while not earning over their threshold, you get 85% of childcare paid (capped for two kids, used to be at around 1600 a month) ..... Just saying .

GilbertMarkham · 17/09/2023 08:39

If he sent me stuff like that, I'd send him videos of guys pulling huge dicks out of their boxer shorts on repeat.

But ateotd, that's not solving the problem; which is him.

Lastchancechica · 17/09/2023 08:39

I wax with a beautiful man once, and it really really is all about them. He would spend hours in the gym every day.

They van be serial cheats too.

We moved in and his mother said he couldn’t possibly be expected to wash his own pants. Clue: he lasted two weeks after that. I felt even that was generous
of me. It sours pretty quickly.

Plumful · 17/09/2023 08:42

Oh gosh, your latest update, and you’ve had a child with this loser? Please say he wasn’t always like this, if he was, what were you thinking? It’s not just about you now. You need to think about the damage he’ll do to your child and get away from him.

Ikeepmybumcheekshidden · 17/09/2023 09:25

I never tell anyone that they should end their relationship as I don't feel it's my place to. However on this occasion - RUN! This egomaniac needs to be dumped! From a great height. He needs to be knocked down ten pegs and more importantly, you sound like you deserve a million times better.
Also your kids are going to grow thinking that this is how men should treat women and that it's ok. If you have a son, would you want him to turn out like this? If you have a daughter would you want her to end up together with someone who treats her like he treats you?

Nagado · 17/09/2023 09:38

He might be attractive (to some) on the outside but he’s really bloody ugly on the inside. You might love him, but do you actually like him? He isn’t nice to you. He isn’t kind to you. He actively disrespects you. What are your children learning about relationships from watching how he interacts with you?

He is not a good man and this is not a healthy relationship.

Cactusprick · 23/01/2024 03:57

Tygertiger · 17/09/2023 08:33

You get one life, OP. You’re spending yours with a dickhead who doesn’t love you and clearly isn’t capable of a normal, adult relationship.

Up to you what you do next but you will be happier on your own away from him, even if it means less money. You deserve more than this and your kids have a shit role-model for how a man treats a woman, too.

That’s so true. OP I’d dump him and tell him he’s not the man you met and that you don’t want your kids to grow up to be like him.
sorry he’s become such a self obsessed twat :(

RantyAnty · 23/01/2024 21:10

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