Female messaged dp that she’s ‘obsessed’ with him

[Dayna67]

Hello all, am I being unreasonable?

dp and I returned home from the spa. When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story. He has a large social media following due to his fitness profession.

when we got home he was telling me ‘she said she’s obsessed with me’. He kept repeating it and said ‘let me show you’. I said no thank you I don’t want to see and that I don’t want to argue. I said this because I knew if I saw the message it would upset me and I’m not in the mood to argue about it.

he gets ALOT of attention on social media from women. From young to older ladies, he meets most of them from his workplace at the gym. He proceeded to show me the message, which I could only see some of as his hand was covering some parts.

she said ‘you are hot as f*ck’. Then she said ‘I’m obsessed with you’.

I’m not particularly bothered about her messages. I can’t stop females from being attracted to him or trying their luck on social media. What bothered me was the fact I saw he had responded to her messages multiple times. Fair enough what I saw were just short responses, for example when she said she’s obsessed he replied ‘really?’.

he had responded every time. Now if that was me all hell would break loose. I couldn’t imagine a guy in my dms telling me he thinks I’m hot and I actually replied to his messages and then had the audacity to laugh about it and show my dp. He thinks it’s innocent that he showed me but I think it’s outright disrespectful.

he would never accept me responding to a guy in my dms especially considering it was clearly a flirty manor that the female thinks he’s got as fuck.

he apologised in the end but I think it was just a cop-out. He doesn’t actually see the harm or problem in what he’s done.

Eughhh he sounds grim in many ways....

Posing and posting for the attention.
Showing you to make you jealous.
His attitude if you post similar.
His comments to reiterate his looks to make sure you know

What about him is nice because he sounds bloody awful.

He sounds like he’s trying to provoke jealousy or insecurity in you. He sounds quite egotistical. Life’s too short to be with such an unaware partner.

you chose to get with him and have a kid with him

I missed that op has a child with this double standarded, hypocrital poser.

I can't believe a father is going on to his partner and mother of his child like this; "look at all these messages from women about my pics".

While he's kicking off about calve pictures you posted showing your progress and no doubt making you take them down and no doubt making you feel you can't post anything like that without a bad argument/backlash from him. And maybe you're scared of the arguments or of losing him But he's not scared of losing you, while behaving much more extremely, is he??

Don't make the mistake of having a second with him op. And seriously reconsider staying with him. Do you think he's going to change

He enjoys attention from other women, interacts with them when he shouldn't, he has massive double standards for you, your relationship is actually one with coercive control - where you're not allowed to do what he does or anything approaching it.

He'll use his job as an excuse but a. He doesn't really here to post pics like that.

But more importantly b. he doesn't need to interact with women who comment on them, especially when the comments are romantic/sexual.

He doesn't need to show you it and rub it in your face either.

He wants a deeply unfair, unequal relationship. The relationship features coercive control. He's unlikely to change. Think about that when considering what to do here

Eugh! How can you date a bloke who loves himself enough to post topless pics on instagram?! Yuck. Instant ick

A 10?! 10 what?

I think he sounds revolting.

PLEASE tell me you left immediately

This is exactly what I'm thinking. "Hey, everyone, look at us, aren't we so beautiful?!"

Cringey as fuck.

You both sound very young and he sounds vain and dim.

What exactly is his appeal?

He's very attention seeking isn't he? I'd find that really unattractive.

I'm going to presume that his followers list is full of those women who wear them revolting shorts which bunch up between their bum cheeks 🤢 There was a girl in the pharmacy wearing some the other day and everyone was looking at each other like 😯😧😲 The elderly man stood behind her in the queue had to physically turn to the side to presumably avoid seeing her bum cheeks, poor bloke was horrified, he went bright red. I felt like popping a coat round the girl's waist.

As I said earlier, this cruel pig enjoys taunting you about your post-twin birth loose skin, yet forbids your getting a tummy tuck.

This meanness — in addition to his obsessive preening, craving the admiration of women, and rubbing your face in it — are very damaging behaviors that your children are observing. @Dayna67, this toxic behavior will be their relationship blueprint.

He sounds hideous.

He enjoys upsetting you.

Indeed.

He's just a P.

And it doesn't stand for Partner.

God his behaviour is just embarrassing. He’s a bloody grown man. How can you stand it op? I know you have a dc but this would honestly be ltb territory for me.

OP and her boyfriend must be spending the afternoon kissing their own reflections in the mirror. 💪

Is this in another thread?

This guy is an abuser.

After I assured myself that he was indeed serious, I think I left burn marks on the floor I exited so quickly.
Later, his wife phoned me wanting to know if I was with her husband. “Husband?” I gave her every assurance that I’d only been out on a date with “some loser,” earlier in the evening and that I’d cut the evening short due to his unpleasant personality. I must say they made the ideal couple. 🙄

Yes, @GilbertMarkham.

He sounds like a self obsessed nob

Thank you all, I am spending some time reading through the comments. I agree with everyone.

I came across a comment regarding me posting on social media too. I am not vain I must say that, I do have Instagram but only follow roughly 100 accounts although a lot of them are fitness accounts, or motherhood accounts etc. I only have roughly 10 people i actually know on my account and they are friends that are also into fitness. I myself do not work within the industry but I do enjoy working out in my spare time and weight training. So yes, I do post updates occasionally or may record a clip of my workouts here and there. My friends on there are into the same things so they understand.

most of what I generally post is just about motherhood and my dc. I won’t say I don’t post selfies, there are occasional times I have taken a selfie myself however it’s not an often occurrence and I don’t post it for any males attention, as I don’t even have males on my account.

I don’t want to sound against posting on social media as I don’t have a problem, I do think it’s inappropriate for him to post topless photos purely for the female attention yes. But he will argue it’s his profession and he’s showing his ‘physique’ etc.

i will continue to read the comments thank you all

Yes. I agree. I wouldn't stand for his behaviour.

But he will argue it’s his profession and he’s showing his ‘physique’ etc

So he can reply professionally to any comments. Or not reply at all, if they are not related to his profession - which "you're so hot, I'm obsessed with you" etc are not.

But tbh with him acting like this while cracking up about you posting calve photos .... And the comments about your post baby body; from growing, carrying and birthing his effing child; you have bigger problems.

He's a controlling hypocrite who's derogatory towards you.

Some people like lording it over other people, enjoy putting the down, making them feel bad, feeling like they have control over them etc; he sounds like one of them.

I don't care if he's not sexting or shagging etc these women, he's a shit partner and a shit father by default.

Honestly he sounds like you should get rid and not make the mistake of giving this "man" the very great privilege of fathering another of your children.

But if I were in this situation I just couldn't resist fucking with him by getting into male fitness models and comparing him unfavourably to them. Anything he said, I'd say "yeah, youve made some progress on x, but there's a long way to go; if you look at top level, like (Serge Constance or similar)" and I'd get to know the terms, just to wind him up properly. I'd say that these ladies are obviously easily impressed and know nothing about body building etc. I'd patronise the fuck out of him, say he looks great and if he keeps on that trajectory, maybe he'll have whatever's like (some fitness model) in a few years time. I'd say that that there are men's health cover models who have professional jobs alongside working out, it's amazing what they can achieve when they're not even PTS.

That's what someone like him deserves (esp given what a nasty bastard he sounds about the skin thing).

He sounds gross op, do you find him attractive? He sounds insecure and vain. Is he a good dad? He sounds like a crap partner.

Even though a lot won’t admit I think there a big chunk all people who love attention

and be honest who doesn’t like being told there attractive

Sounds like he had a following and a lot of attention just playing along with it