Female messaged dp that she’s ‘obsessed’ with him

[Dayna67]

Hello all, am I being unreasonable?

dp and I returned home from the spa. When we were there he posted a photo of himself in the mirror with his shirt off to his Instagram story. He has a large social media following due to his fitness profession.

when we got home he was telling me ‘she said she’s obsessed with me’. He kept repeating it and said ‘let me show you’. I said no thank you I don’t want to see and that I don’t want to argue. I said this because I knew if I saw the message it would upset me and I’m not in the mood to argue about it.

he gets ALOT of attention on social media from women. From young to older ladies, he meets most of them from his workplace at the gym. He proceeded to show me the message, which I could only see some of as his hand was covering some parts.

she said ‘you are hot as f*ck’. Then she said ‘I’m obsessed with you’.

I’m not particularly bothered about her messages. I can’t stop females from being attracted to him or trying their luck on social media. What bothered me was the fact I saw he had responded to her messages multiple times. Fair enough what I saw were just short responses, for example when she said she’s obsessed he replied ‘really?’.

he had responded every time. Now if that was me all hell would break loose. I couldn’t imagine a guy in my dms telling me he thinks I’m hot and I actually replied to his messages and then had the audacity to laugh about it and show my dp. He thinks it’s innocent that he showed me but I think it’s outright disrespectful.

he would never accept me responding to a guy in my dms especially considering it was clearly a flirty manor that the female thinks he’s got as fuck.

he apologised in the end but I think it was just a cop-out. He doesn’t actually see the harm or problem in what he’s done.

Sorry i have just read that you post photo's and updates 😂Why do you thing anyone cares about your gym workout ? You both need to grow up.

His behaviour is inappropriate for a man in a relationship (not necessarily the pic posting if he's canvassing for business as a PT) but the responding to females commented and messages.

His double standards for you and him are disturbing and a big issue.

one day I posted my legs just tensing my quad muscles to show how they have grown and he was pretty upset about that and said it’s not appropriate.

Mate ....

Come on.

Why are you with such an attention seeking, vain, double standarded, controlling guy?

You're not allowed to post a pic showing progress on your calves, but he's actively trying to draw your attention to thirsty messages and comments from women about his body/chest, even when you've said you'd rather not see them.

Hes still pushing then in your face (but with his thumb covering "inconvenient" parts of the message exchange perhaps (?).

He wants you jealous and uncomfortable. Yet you're not allowed to do things that aren't even attention seeking/posey etc.

He's a child.

He's a child with massive double standards.

Ars you tied to this wanker in any way?

Who wants to deal with this shit for decades. What about when you have kids, if you don't already have them.

It's the hypocrisy that would enrage me.

If your business is not PT work, he's going to use the excuse that his is but yours is not, ongoing, to control you and force a huge double standard re posting pics.

In my view he can post what he likes but he should either not respond to thirst/gushing comments or respond deflectingly. Which tbh takes more intelligence and integrity than he appears to have.

There was a Spanish policeman featured on emergency/info posters and SM who resulted in a huge amount of female attention. To be fair he is like a male model. His only public statement emphasised his marital status and specifically mentioned only being interested in his wife's admiration. In other words he shut it down.

Your partner does not appear to be doing that, interesting that he covered part of the convo. too, accidentally (?)

In general he sounds very attention seeking, needy, immature; I don't know how much of insisting on showing you/telling you, is trying to make you jealous of make you feel lucky to have him, and how much is that he just suppress his gratification and wants to show and tell about it to everyone close to him.

This guy is unlikely to change and sounds like pretty miserable ltr and father material. There are better candidates.

And the double standards are actually a type of abuse/coercive control.

Just dump him and enjoy life. Zero need to date a man like this. The word is 'women', females is for animals.

He’s a fuck up, who’s messing with your mind.

He;
Posts pics of himself
Gets the attention he wants
Making you look at the messages even though you’ve told him you don’t want to.

Bin him, things will not get any easier.

He's a massive self-centred attention seeker.

My god what a reach. Get a grip!

Your bf sounds like the text book type of man who wants to get attention from, flirt, schmooze, have opportunities with (and maybe worse) with women, while having the advantages of a steady, secure relationship - (in which his partner is faithful to him and is not "allowed" to act like him).

There will be all sorts of lies, manipulations, "logic" excuses and bull shittery to cover why this is ok for him, but not his partner

If you want to be in an LTR and have kids (if you don't already have them) by a man like that ...... That's up to you.
There are men out there not like this.

He is definitely a keeper. You are so lucky. I can see why you use the teeth jarringly annoying "D"P when you talk about him.

No red flags to see here, at all

Personal trainers I know don't post shirtless pics. Sounds really cringe to me

Your husband sounds like he has the emotional intelligence of a 13 year old. I couldn't be with someone who posts topless photos of themselves on social media... Regardless of their job.

Meh, I’m not really aligned with these views. Yes he’s vain, yes he likes the attention, yes he likes gloating about it.

I mean clearly he’s been like this a long time, ok not when you first got together but the vanity would have been there, but he didn’t get that following suddenly last week. It’s taken a long time. He is who he is, it wasn’t really a secret and you chose to get with him and have a kid with him.

would it give me the ick. For sure. But I’d have not stayed with him.

This. He will always crave attention until he figures out why he needs it so badly.

Sounds very self absorbed. Start doing it back see how he likes it. Any bloke posting pics like that regardless of anything else loves themselves too much, and would give me the ick! He will never love you as much as he loves himself!

It's the double standards that bother me the most.

Does he follow Andrew Tate?

He is a pervert.

You’re dating a man who posts pics of himself online topless and you’re blaming a woman for finding him attractive? He sounds incredibly vain

I find men who are overly invested in their appearance deeply unattractive TBH.

I haven't RTFT

It's all a bit grim OP, it gives me the ick

He's attention seeking, wanting you to be jealous whilst Simultaneously being insecure

I don't know if this has been asked - why was he covering some of the screen / messages?

Bin the twat, he loves himself, nobody else.

He could be trying to manipulate your feelings. Or he could just be an idiot who genuinely thinks he's doing well by being open to you about it whilst not realising he's actually encouraging her.

You have my deepest sympathy, OP. I'd despise him too.

This I’m sorry to say.