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AIBU?

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Original poster

Ds19 not come home

142 replies

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 06:44

So am I worrying for nothing, not sure what to do?

Ds19 messaged me last night at 9.30 saying he's at a mates and will be back about 11.
Well he's not back and his phone is switched off. He has work at 7!

He has done this before but on a weekend when he's not had work.

Now I'm thinking has he been arrested or in hospital but no idea how to find out.

Anyone know?

OP posts:
Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:38

I was angry and I did tell him to get out when I first saw him.
Then I found the tablets, confronted him Nd he opened up a little to me.

I'm still angry not with him but the situation. I've told him and he already knows he has always got me me 100% more then anyone else.

We've just had an hug and said we will speak tomorrow.
He's just gone to see his friend who's round the corner. I don't want him to but he said he's told his friend what's happened so he's told him to go round. I couldn't stop him, he's 19. Hopefully being with his friend will cheer him up and make him feel better. Better than being in his room alone

OP posts:
GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 15/09/2023 21:39

Were the tablets yours OP, or has he got them from somewhere else?

What a bloody weird thing to try to 'overdose' on! Google says they'll just make him throw up and might lower his sperm count for a couple of days so I wouldn't worry too much.

I'd be furious about the blocking too, he knew you'd be worried, and that he'd see you within a few hours anyway so there was literally no point. Hardly like he's fled the country to escape you, is it... Hmm

Ejismyf · 15/09/2023 21:40

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:31

Just imagine if those tablets he had taken were something which could've actually killed him. It's only luck they weren't. How futile would your anger seem now?

Aw thats enough ffs, what use
is you going on like this at her helping him right now? You upsetting and having a go at his mum online is hardly putting her in a strong position to support him is it, so give it a rest if you're that concerned for his welfare.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:47

Yes they were my tablets. God knows why he took them. Maybe because they were only the prescribed ones in the cupboard

OP posts:
Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:47

@AnneValentine just go away

OP posts:
VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 15/09/2023 21:51

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 20:48

Yes norerhisterone. I rang 111 they advised me to take him to a and e to get checked over but he wouldn't go says he feels ok. I can't force him.

I've just been checking on him every 10 mins. He seems to be ok he's come round now, he's been up made himself some food.

I just don't know what to do. I've told him we need to have a chat, he said we will tomorrow

Norethisterone won't hurt him.

It's what else he took on his night out that's the worry.

AutumnSalad · 15/09/2023 21:52

You need to phone 111, or your GP and also a mental health advice line such as Mind or the Samaritans and explain what has happened so that they can give you advice. It's not about forcing him to do anything, but that's quite a serious step he's taken so he's obviously pretty troubled, and you need some back up of what some options are. See it like a good way of preventing this happening again, and by doing something now it's your best way to pre empt this.

Log what tablets he took, the time and date, what he told you. He may not feel the he needs to go to A&E but some kind of professional such as through a GP to talk about it. In a loving caring way.

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:54

I'm not trying to make OP feel bad about herself. She obviously loves him a lot, I'm just empathising with her son & trying to get her to see the bigger picture which right now is keeping him alive. OP, I'm sorry if what I've said has distressed you and my best wishes to you and your son.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:55

AutumnSalad · 15/09/2023 21:52

You need to phone 111, or your GP and also a mental health advice line such as Mind or the Samaritans and explain what has happened so that they can give you advice. It's not about forcing him to do anything, but that's quite a serious step he's taken so he's obviously pretty troubled, and you need some back up of what some options are. See it like a good way of preventing this happening again, and by doing something now it's your best way to pre empt this.

Log what tablets he took, the time and date, what he told you. He may not feel the he needs to go to A&E but some kind of professional such as through a GP to talk about it. In a loving caring way.

I've spoke to him and told him what he's done isn't a good thing and we need to have a chat and get him some help. He's agreed with me and said we will chat tomorrow. So hopefully that's a good thing

OP posts:
Ponderingwindow · 15/09/2023 21:56

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 20:36

Why does he have to let you know if he'll be home or not? Plans frequently change at that age.

Would it be ok for op to just not come home?

what if she went away for a week and didn’t tell anyone?

wouldn’t her 19yo son worry if his mother just disappeared?

adults who live together owe one another the courtesy of an updated estimated return time. The level of detail can depend on the relationship and on mutual agreement, but at the very least texting to say you aren’t coming home is needed.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:58

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:54

I'm not trying to make OP feel bad about herself. She obviously loves him a lot, I'm just empathising with her son & trying to get her to see the bigger picture which right now is keeping him alive. OP, I'm sorry if what I've said has distressed you and my best wishes to you and your son.

Thank you. We have had a "little chat" he has agreed we will speak more tomorrow and said he thinks he may need help. So hopefully when he has a straight head tomorrow we can go from there

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:59

My earlier posts were harsh

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 22:00

Posted too soon. My earlier words were too harsh and I just reiterated what I said before- this is very hard for you and it is very tough when you don't have another person to lean on. You're a good mum OP Flowers

AutumnSalad · 15/09/2023 22:03

Yes sounds like he's open to having a chat, which from my outside perspective would be helpful. It's the way he got very impulsive, and very ashamed and just downed tablets to hand which flags up that he doesn't feel very solid at the minute in his mental health. I'd be a bit gentle with him, if he missed work and they fired him... well to be honest he'd learn it's not the end of the world. Annoying but doesn't make him an awful person.

Would you build him up a bit do you think? Remind him he's a good person, that of course yes he's got to learn but everyone makes mistakes. Give him a bit of perspective, ground him. Tell him these mistakes like going out all night and missing work are never so bad really, tell him his good points. Tell him you'll be there for him in his life, good and bad, the road is always a bit bumpy but it always works out in the end.

Then hopefully he could talk to his GP or someone else.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 15/09/2023 22:06

I think interpreting this as a mistake, but also as him reaching out and needing help is the best way to see it and the best way to get him to open up more. It's fine to say- I was mad, I got frightened, I didn't know where you were, but not make that the end of the conversation. you sound a lovely mum and your son is lucky to have you on his side in life.

Throwncrumbs · 15/09/2023 22:06

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 20:19

Thanks all. Yes he's back.

I got back from work and he was in his bed a totally hungover or on a come down from something. I went mad at him, told him to get his stuff and get out.
I then found a box of empty tablets in the bin. (The ones that delay your periods) he admitted he's taken 15 of those. He got back home and felt ashamed and depressed for not going to work or ringing his boss and for blocking me.
He said he wanted to end his life. He feels like jumping off a bridge. He can't help going out and blowing his money, says he has a problem.

He's defiantly been on drugs!

That’s all very manipulative. Staying out all night, not going to work so takes hormones as a ‘cry for help’ when he knows you’re angry with him. He needs to grow up. Is he normally like this?

TennisWithDeborah · 15/09/2023 22:08

Highdaysandholidays1 · 15/09/2023 22:06

I think interpreting this as a mistake, but also as him reaching out and needing help is the best way to see it and the best way to get him to open up more. It's fine to say- I was mad, I got frightened, I didn't know where you were, but not make that the end of the conversation. you sound a lovely mum and your son is lucky to have you on his side in life.

I agree with this. 👏🏻

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 22:08

AutumnSalad · 15/09/2023 22:03

Yes sounds like he's open to having a chat, which from my outside perspective would be helpful. It's the way he got very impulsive, and very ashamed and just downed tablets to hand which flags up that he doesn't feel very solid at the minute in his mental health. I'd be a bit gentle with him, if he missed work and they fired him... well to be honest he'd learn it's not the end of the world. Annoying but doesn't make him an awful person.

Would you build him up a bit do you think? Remind him he's a good person, that of course yes he's got to learn but everyone makes mistakes. Give him a bit of perspective, ground him. Tell him these mistakes like going out all night and missing work are never so bad really, tell him his good points. Tell him you'll be there for him in his life, good and bad, the road is always a bit bumpy but it always works out in the end.

Then hopefully he could talk to his GP or someone else.

Yes I've told him. He's lost his job, it's not the end of the world. We've all lost jobs, he's 19 he's got plenty more time to find something he actually enjoys.

Tomorrow when he's thinking straight again he can send his boss a text apologising for not turning up. He doesn't have to go back if he's embarrassed just get his head down and start looking for a new career

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 22:09

@Ponderingwindow I was wrong to say that on light of the updates and it was an unhelpful unnecessary post and I have apologised to OP.

AutumnSalad · 15/09/2023 22:10

Sounds good @bellaroo92 and I wish you both well. Kids can be such a worry can't they even when they stop being kids! Take a bit of moment for yourself won't you.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 22:21

@AutumnSalad can't they just! Thank you so much

OP posts:
coolkatt · 15/09/2023 22:26

hey Op, ur a good mum and your son is lucky to have you. if u didn't love and care for him u wouldn't be so angry. it's so frustrating. you have done nothing wrong but worry for him. and right to be raging.
have a good chat with him when he sobers up and make sure he doesn't wangle out of it. he has opened up so let him lead the talking and see where it goes. well done for looking out for him. a lot of mums don't give a shit so keep ur chin up x

FrenchieF · 15/09/2023 22:26

I hope he’s okay, teenager years are hard work!

FrenchieF · 15/09/2023 22:28

Exactly what coolkatt said, a lot of parents wouldn’t even know of this happened to their 19 year old. It’s a good thing you do even although it’s very difficult for you.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 22:30

coolkatt · 15/09/2023 22:26

hey Op, ur a good mum and your son is lucky to have you. if u didn't love and care for him u wouldn't be so angry. it's so frustrating. you have done nothing wrong but worry for him. and right to be raging.
have a good chat with him when he sobers up and make sure he doesn't wangle out of it. he has opened up so let him lead the talking and see where it goes. well done for looking out for him. a lot of mums don't give a shit so keep ur chin up x

Thank you. That means a lot. Sometimes people can make you question yourself x

OP posts: