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Original poster

Ds19 not come home

142 replies

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 06:44

So am I worrying for nothing, not sure what to do?

Ds19 messaged me last night at 9.30 saying he's at a mates and will be back about 11.
Well he's not back and his phone is switched off. He has work at 7!

He has done this before but on a weekend when he's not had work.

Now I'm thinking has he been arrested or in hospital but no idea how to find out.

Anyone know?

OP posts:
EvilElsa · 15/09/2023 20:40

Have you managed to get him some medical help OP? He needs to go to the hospital.

slobro · 15/09/2023 20:44

He'll be ok from the norethisterone according to google. It's synthetic progesterone. Although I'd be concerned about the combo with anything else he took.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 20:48

Yes norerhisterone. I rang 111 they advised me to take him to a and e to get checked over but he wouldn't go says he feels ok. I can't force him.

I've just been checking on him every 10 mins. He seems to be ok he's come round now, he's been up made himself some food.

I just don't know what to do. I've told him we need to have a chat, he said we will tomorrow

OP posts:
windywalk · 15/09/2023 20:55

Please don't leave him by himself.

You can give him a bollocking once he's back to reality.

If he is on a come down / got alcohol and or drugs in his system this needs to pass.

I was listening to a Mum on a sobriety podcast who lost her son to suicide.
He only ever got depressed post night out and the chemicals and alcohol mixed badly. He just couldn't take it.

His Mum wishes she had known and would have made sure she was around for her son (I think they were off on holiday)

I know you are furious at the moment, rightly so but keep communication open and let the dust settle.

gemloving · 15/09/2023 21:01

MrsMarzetti · 15/09/2023 11:03

He is a 19 year old man. I understand you are worried in case anything has happened to him but it is unlikely anything bad has happened and more likely he is safe and sound at his mates or with someone he has hooked up with. If he misses work it is up to him to deal with it, after all he is a adult now.

Do you have kids? Hmm

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:06

windywalk · 15/09/2023 20:55

Please don't leave him by himself.

You can give him a bollocking once he's back to reality.

If he is on a come down / got alcohol and or drugs in his system this needs to pass.

I was listening to a Mum on a sobriety podcast who lost her son to suicide.
He only ever got depressed post night out and the chemicals and alcohol mixed badly. He just couldn't take it.

His Mum wishes she had known and would have made sure she was around for her son (I think they were off on holiday)

I know you are furious at the moment, rightly so but keep communication open and let the dust settle.

I'm not leaving him on his own. I don't want to. He's at home now I keep going into his room every 15 mins to check on him.
I'm absolutely furious with him but also worried at the same time. It's such a mix of emotions.
He knows I'm raging at him but I've told him to sleep it off and if he wants to talk tomorrow we will. I just really hopes he does and doesn't go back to normal like nothing has happened.

OP posts:
LindorDoubleChoc · 15/09/2023 21:08

So sorry OP, this must be so stressful for you. I hope you have a good talk tomorrow. Hopefully he will be thinking a little more straight when the drugs and alcohol are out of his system. You do need to have a good heart to heart tomorrow Flowers.

Totallyterrific · 15/09/2023 21:09

@gemloving agreed!

I have a 22yo which Im finding in no way easier than when he was 8mo old or 8 years old. Yes he is an adult, lives on his own etc but still totally capable of making a mess of his life which impacts on mine/my MH health. Just because they are over the age of 18 and officially adults @MrsMarzetti it doesnt mean that the parental worry over their wellbeing stops.

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:10

Why are you so angry with him? My son is 17 and I'd be heartbroken if he was in this situation and I'd be upset with myself that our relationship was such that he felt the need to block me rather than ask me for help. He knows I'll always be for him whenever he needs me, whatever he's done and whatever trouble he's in. Suicide is a big killer of young men. Put your anger aside and be a mum.

Totallyterrific · 15/09/2023 21:11

@bellaroo92 I hope whatever is going on with your ds, he is able to sort himself out soon. Ive had multiple headaches re my own ds of a similar age. x

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:16

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:10

Why are you so angry with him? My son is 17 and I'd be heartbroken if he was in this situation and I'd be upset with myself that our relationship was such that he felt the need to block me rather than ask me for help. He knows I'll always be for him whenever he needs me, whatever he's done and whatever trouble he's in. Suicide is a big killer of young men. Put your anger aside and be a mum.

I am a mum and I'm being a mum thank you!
I'm angry with him for how he has gone off and how he felt he had to block me. He knows he can come to me with anything. His dad is a total waist of time and it has always been me and him since he was 2 years old.

So yes I'm angry he thinks he can't come to me

OP posts:
CheshireCat1 · 15/09/2023 21:18

I hope you manage to sort things out with your son, you must be worried sick. There are plenty of help lines that you can call to get some advice on how to handle the situation. Please ring one so that you know of local services available or any other help. It can be difficult being a young adult these days and also being the mum of one.

cobden28 · 15/09/2023 21:20

you could phone around the local hospitals to fond out if he's been admitted to anywhere. Or send him a text to remind him he has to be up in the morning for work, and if he loses his job because of lateness it'll be his faut not yours!

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:20

Maybe I see it differently because I was that suicidal depressed drug taking teen and I remember keenly that feeling of isolation and loneliness and feeling like a failure and that everyone would be better off without me anyway. You being angry with him doesn't help either of you.

EmmaEmerald · 15/09/2023 21:21

I'm another one saying put your anger away

I have been suicidal twice in my life and I think my parents were in denial

if they had actually been angry then that would have been much worse.

I'm amazed I'm still here. One reason I did a big birthday in Vegas was to celebrate being here and being happy. That was my 40th.

being alive is really hard for some of us. Please don't let your anger show. I can completely see why someone wouldn't talk to a devoted parent, it's a very isolating thing.

WonderingWanda · 15/09/2023 21:22

Op if you can't get him to see a gp about his mental health please try and encourage him to contact this charity. They specialise in preventing suicide in young people and have proper counsellors for young people to talk to.

https://www.papyrus-uk.org/

This sounds like a real cry for help please don't kick him out or give up on him. I know you were cross that he let you be so worried but I'm not sure it's a good idea to jump straight to the nuclear option of kicking him out the first time he leaves you worried.

Papyrus UK Suicide Prevention | Prevention of Young Suicide

PAPYRUS UK is a charity for the prevention of young suicide (under 35) in the UK | Call PAPYRUS HOPELINE247 on 0800 068 4141 Now

https://www.papyrus-uk.org

Meeting · 15/09/2023 21:23

Sorry you're going through this OP.

Definitely some conversations that need to be had but they can wait until he's well again. Don't hesitate to call 999 if you feel he needs to be seen and he refuses to go in

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:24

Meant to add- it's only luck I'm still here, rather than by design.

gemloving · 15/09/2023 21:24

@Totallyterrific I only have a 4&2 year old (and one in heaven) but know that age won't matter in terms of worrying. I know I will have to let the other two "fly" when they're of age but I'm glad I am their safe space and their world still as of now 💜 I can make them feel better at all times really & know it won't always be the case x

EggInANest · 15/09/2023 21:24

But he has told you he is ashamed and upset that he blocked you.

And if you rage at him now, when he is so low...well he can't 'come to you with anything' can he?

I am not saying last night was great but he won't be the first or last 19 yo to go out, get wasted and fail to message home.

I hated this age...well, mine are still in this age group - you know they are adults and its up to them if they want to stay out late, or all night...but you can't help worrying. I sleep so badly when mine are here but out at all hours. They do it at Uni too of course but I am not there wondering where they are.

I think you need to encourage him to talk and listen a lot.

I hope this has given him the jolt to get himself back on track.

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:31

Just imagine if those tablets he had taken were something which could've actually killed him. It's only luck they weren't. How futile would your anger seem now?

Highdaysandholidays1 · 15/09/2023 21:32

I'm sorry OP, it's so hard, I've been here and it's difficult. Just look after him physically, and keep talking over the coming minutes, hours, days and weeks. One of mine also did this while drunk, their thinking is distorted, but the problem is they will probably drink again. Look after his wellbeing today but in the next few days think about support for him beyond the family, college, MH services, services for young people and so on. I paid for therapy as the services were so poor and it's made a big difference, plus anti-depressants (which are not for all young people but have helped our situation). There's a mix of emotions going on hurt, not understanding, upset, the whole thing, just keep talking even if you don't say the perfect thing.

Highdaysandholidays1 · 15/09/2023 21:34

I think the OP isn't angry as in nasty angry, she's frustrated and distressed. Ho about offering a hand-hold rather than shaming her for having intense emotions, he's put her through hell as well as his distress and it's ok to feel mad and upset that life has gone like this (I'm sure she's not standing over him yelling, she's caring for him!)

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 21:37

I'm not shaming her, I'm pointing out how much bloody worse it could've been and thank god he's home and alive.

AnneValentine · 15/09/2023 21:37

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 21:16

I am a mum and I'm being a mum thank you!
I'm angry with him for how he has gone off and how he felt he had to block me. He knows he can come to me with anything. His dad is a total waist of time and it has always been me and him since he was 2 years old.

So yes I'm angry he thinks he can't come to me

Show quote history

You’re angry your suicidal teen can’t come to you? Have you considered that’s why?