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Original poster

Ds19 not come home

142 replies

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 06:44

So am I worrying for nothing, not sure what to do?

Ds19 messaged me last night at 9.30 saying he's at a mates and will be back about 11.
Well he's not back and his phone is switched off. He has work at 7!

He has done this before but on a weekend when he's not had work.

Now I'm thinking has he been arrested or in hospital but no idea how to find out.

Anyone know?

OP posts:
Privatelyliving · 15/09/2023 09:28

Wendysfriend · 15/09/2023 08:44

I always say give me a 2-3 year old and their tantrums etc over a 18-19 year old. While they're officially an adult, they can still act like kids and you can't say anything as you look like a smothering mother. Yes, they can learn from their mistakes but we have to deal with the fall out from their actions.

He's obviously blocked you so that he doesn't have to speak with you, the only good thing about this is you know they're safe.

My mother use to tell me when I was in my 40s that parents never stop worrying, it's a life long thing. 😬😬😬

I'm 53 and recently lost my husband. The trauma that has caused my parents....It doesn't ever stop.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 09:28

MermaidEyes · 15/09/2023 09:24

If he loses his job make sure you aren't subbing him! No money for nights out etc. He'll learn his lessons the hard way.

Oh I think he will lose his job now. 100% he won't get a penny off me. Yes he can learn the hard way now, I've helped him to often. It's all his own fault

OP posts:
AliOlis · 15/09/2023 09:30

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 09:28

Oh I think he will lose his job now. 100% he won't get a penny off me. Yes he can learn the hard way now, I've helped him to often. It's all his own fault

Show quote history

Why are you certain he'll lose his job? He could be there now.

Privatelyliving · 15/09/2023 09:32

When my DS was 19yo and prioritising the new GF ahead of everything else, work was the one thing he didn't sacrifice. You might find he's gone in.

RedPony1 · 15/09/2023 09:33

She's said all his work stuff is still at home?

Nolongera · 15/09/2023 09:36

Surely if you are blocked it doesn't go to voice mail?

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 09:40

Because all his work stuff is still at home and he can't work without it.
He's already had a warning for time off so I'm sure this will be it for him.

Yes when someone blocks you it just goes to voice mail. Does on my phone and his

OP posts:
gingerbreadbuns · 15/09/2023 10:02

No matter how old your children are you never stop worrying over them.
My son when he was 19 went missing on his way to work his phone was off His gf was worring as it was not like him i went from 0 -60 in a seconds . ( thinking the worse)
Turns out he was at work as manger his now father in law gave him the wrong time and wrong place to start so he started work in the wrong part his phone fell out his pocket on his way to work he was on a bike at the time .
But all was sorted after a long few hours .We laugh now about it .
My youngest son at 18 well i need a whole website to start that one .
He once went out with mates night out and got so drunk he ended up with alcohol poisoning i got a call from the hospital the next day .
The list goes on .
But it does get better but you never stop worrying.

GoryBory · 15/09/2023 10:26

He’s probably blocked you knowing you’d be ringing him, telling him he’s going to lose his job if he doesn’t get home asap.

When he gets back tell him he is in charge of his own life and you won’t be reminding him to go to work, as that is his responsibility but whilst he’s living under your roof he does need to send you a quick text letting you know he’s staying out.

Tell him it doesn’t matter what time and you won’t need to text back but if he says he’ll be back at 11pm and still not back by the morning, then you’re obviously going to worry.
So he needs to let you know in future.

MrsMarzetti · 15/09/2023 11:03

He is a 19 year old man. I understand you are worried in case anything has happened to him but it is unlikely anything bad has happened and more likely he is safe and sound at his mates or with someone he has hooked up with. If he misses work it is up to him to deal with it, after all he is a adult now.

CarPour · 15/09/2023 19:44

MrsMarzetti · 15/09/2023 11:03

He is a 19 year old man. I understand you are worried in case anything has happened to him but it is unlikely anything bad has happened and more likely he is safe and sound at his mates or with someone he has hooked up with. If he misses work it is up to him to deal with it, after all he is a adult now.

It'd quite natural to worry if someone says they will be home by 11pm and then arent home the next morning

OP has no problem with him staying out but for his own safety she needs to be able to trust him, if something happens to him in the future then OP has no idea what time to worry. It could delay him getting help

ThinWomansBrain · 15/09/2023 19:47

Your home your rules - if he can't be arsed to let you know he's decided to stay out, not to mention blocking you, let him find somewhere else to live.

Theunamedcat · 15/09/2023 19:53

My sister disrespected my mom so she black bagged her stuff and dumped it on the front garden where she was staying it was unpleasant

familyissues12345 · 15/09/2023 19:55

User19543785 · 15/09/2023 07:02

He has probably gone to work from his mates house. As PP says if he was at university you wouldn't know what he was doing, I found when DS went off to university my anxiety about his whereabouts disappeared but when he was at home the worry came back.

Mum of a 19 year old and I totally agree with this! I was much calmer whilst away at Uni. Part of me with miss him when he goes back next week, part of me will look forward to the sleep...

familyissues12345 · 15/09/2023 19:57

Has he appeared now @bellaroo92 ?

winterchills · 15/09/2023 20:00

Glad hes ok but your right to be furious! Its easy to send a simple text to let you know hes ok!

Motnight · 15/09/2023 20:02

winterchills · 15/09/2023 20:00

Glad hes ok but your right to be furious! Its easy to send a simple text to let you know hes ok!

Have I missed the Op's update?

caringcarer · 15/09/2023 20:09

I'd go mad at him for being so rude as to block you, his Mum. How bloody disrespectful. Next time he wants a shirt ironing or his favourite meal cooked you didn't hear him. I'd not lift a finger for him until he apologized and started being respectful towards me. Don't give him money under any circumstances.

MariaLuna · 15/09/2023 20:12

"you have the numbers of any of his friends he was out with?"

Please don't! (phone them). You'll come off as "crazy". And he'll be embarrassed.

I don't have any of adult DS's friends phone numbers, and why should I?

He's growing up OP. Let him make his own mistakes, it's part of growing up.

Illbebythesea · 15/09/2023 20:13

Think you were jumping the gun a bit when there was still a possibility something had happened to your son. Hope his ok, anyway.

Original poster
bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 20:19

Thanks all. Yes he's back.

I got back from work and he was in his bed a totally hungover or on a come down from something. I went mad at him, told him to get his stuff and get out.
I then found a box of empty tablets in the bin. (The ones that delay your periods) he admitted he's taken 15 of those. He got back home and felt ashamed and depressed for not going to work or ringing his boss and for blocking me.
He said he wanted to end his life. He feels like jumping off a bridge. He can't help going out and blowing his money, says he has a problem.

He's defiantly been on drugs!

OP posts:
Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 20:36

Why does he have to let you know if he'll be home or not? Plans frequently change at that age.

Cupcakekiller · 15/09/2023 20:37

Sorry just missed your latest update.

DebbieLouiseDairyleaCheese · 15/09/2023 20:38

Is he ok? Are you getting medical treatment for the pills? Sorry OP 💐

slobro · 15/09/2023 20:39

bellaroo92 · 15/09/2023 20:19

Thanks all. Yes he's back.

I got back from work and he was in his bed a totally hungover or on a come down from something. I went mad at him, told him to get his stuff and get out.
I then found a box of empty tablets in the bin. (The ones that delay your periods) he admitted he's taken 15 of those. He got back home and felt ashamed and depressed for not going to work or ringing his boss and for blocking me.
He said he wanted to end his life. He feels like jumping off a bridge. He can't help going out and blowing his money, says he has a problem.

He's defiantly been on drugs!

Norethisterone tablets? Why on earth would he take them?

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