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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is this an overreaction to kid getting injured?

120 replies

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 07:21

DS just started reception (disclaimer - am in Europe so this means kids are 5/6 yrs).
he has been settling well and have bonded with several boys, one of whom we invited over for a playdate on Sunday afternoon. I invited the parents to stay for coffee as first time so thought they may want to get acquainted a bit, but they politely refused and said they’d just drop the boy off. I already met the mum twice at school and had a friendly chat. The dad dropped the boy off and seemed to be in a hurry to leave. The boy played well for about 2 hours (play date was meant to be 2.5 hours), both in the garden and inside, with me keeping an eye on them but not being next to them every single minute. Just 20 mins before the boys pick up
time I was in the loo when I hear a shout and cry and DS comes running and tells me the friend got hurt. I rush to him and see he has banged his head against the radiator which is behind the sofa, bleeding and there is cut. I cuddle him and clean the wound and call the parents immediately and explain and apologize profusely. I can tell the cut will likely need gluing but no stitching, as it’s a bit gaping but not very deep or big. The dad arrives shortly after and seems ok although understandably not happy and worried, together we inspect the wound and DH offers to take them to emergency, but as the dad is on his bike and the live not too far away he says it’s okay and he’ll go home and then take the boy to emergency. All through this both DH and I are being polite, very apologetic and kind to the boy. In my panic I tell the dad that DS once heard his head on the same radiator and I’ve been meaning to move the sofa but haven’t got around to it. (DS hurt his head on it three years ago, we have since hosted hundreds of playdates and no child ever got hurt at our house ever before or even went near the radiator, so I had forgotten about it entirely). Later that evening I text the dad and ask how the boy is and apologize again. No response. The next day there’s a coffee morning in DS’s class, my husband attends and the boy and his parents are there, DH says the dad is chatty and seems ok and tell
him the boy indeed went to A&E and got his wound clued, but the mum is avoiding DH. I then sent her a message last night asking how the boy is and saying I understand his head was glued and I hope he will recover soon and that I’m so sorry her got injured at our house. She only responds hours later with a thumbs up. No words. Now, I’m certain that’s an expression she’s angry with us, and I feel so terrible and worried. I mainly feel really bad a child got injured in my care, but Im not sure there was much I could’ve done different. While it’s true that radiator by the sofa isn’t very safe, I’ve literally hosted 100 of playdates over the years and no kid ever went near it as they usually play in DS’ room. I suppose I could have been more vigilant and ensured that they didn’t go in the living room, but as I was in the loo, I hadn’t noticed that they went in there. I think likely they’re angry because it’s just generally upsetting when your child Gets hurt, especially in someone else’s care, and that perhaps because in my panic I told them that DS also once got hurt there, they think I should’ve thought about keeping the boys away from the sofa, and I do feel terribly guilty that I didn’t think of it, but as mentioned, we have hosted hundreds of playdates and never has anyone got near that radiator, so it just don’t occur to me at all, which is suppose is my fault at some level. However I did apologize several times and do all I could to help, so I don’t understand the mum’s behavior, and am very stressed out about it, especially at the beginning of a new school, when we will have to be in the same class with these parents for years to come, it feels really stressful to start off with an incident like this. Wondering what else I can do at this stage?

OP posts:
Curseofthenation · 12/09/2023 07:27

Stop apologising. You've already done everything you can. Let it go. The mum will likely move past it soon. She knows that accidents happen.

Gazelda · 12/09/2023 07:29

If the radiator is dangerous enough for you to have considered moving the sofa, why haven't you done so? That would have pissed me off, tbh.

But I wonder if you're over-thinking this. You've apologies many times and been met with a positive or neutral response. What more do you want? She's acting a little cold to you, nothing more.

And it's quite understandable not to be gushing towards a playground acquaintance. You don't need to be great friends simply because your boys are in the same class.

If it were you, wouldn't you want to move on rather than having to repeatedly reassure the parent who's home the accident occurred in?

Give her a few days. If she's reasonable, she'll soon put it behind her.

DustyLee123 · 12/09/2023 07:31

I can understand her upset, particularly as you knew the danger.

RoseRows · 12/09/2023 07:32

The only overreaction I can see here is yours. You’ve apologised there’s not much more you can do. Unless you were best friends with the parents to start off with I’m not really sure what kind of reaction you were hoping for from then anyway.

rwalker · 12/09/2023 07:32

I would be fuming if this happened to my child and rather than kick of us just say nothing or ignore parents

days later when everything was ok I’d realise I was being a tit accidents happen and it’s just one of those things

just leave it you’ve apologised

PinkRoses1245 · 12/09/2023 07:34

I think you’re overreacting, you’ve apologised. Kids get hurt, he’s fine. Move on!

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 07:34

I think the mum is understandably upset that her son is hurt and needed hospital treatment.

Give her some time.

faban · 12/09/2023 07:35

Kids have accidents all the time she needs to get over it

Jevwaypock · 12/09/2023 07:36

No offence to you, I’m sure you are lovely, but maybe they shouldn’t have left their son with someone they have met twice and stayed for that coffee!😂

VeloVixen · 12/09/2023 07:39

Honestly I wouldn't worry about it. He must have been messing around slightly for his head to make contact with the radiator. It could easily have happened at his house. As a parent I would not blame you if this had been my dc. You have been nice, offering to take to hospital, etc.

A friend of dd's got injured here at a sleepover as they were "barrel walking" on an oil drum in the garden. I did feel bad about that, kid needed her head gluing. And her parents were fine about that when they could have asked what on earth I was doing letting them have oil drum races in the garden!

hooplahoop · 12/09/2023 07:39

I think you need go give them space to be upset / process it. It feels like you are wanting re-assurance from them, but this isn’t the time for that.

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/09/2023 07:40

Where was your husband while you were in the bathroom?
I can see how she was annoyed that her child was hurt and possibly scarred for life while there were two adults in the building BUT she'll probably come round.
Now would probably be a good time to move the sofa.

DinnaeFashYersel · 12/09/2023 07:41

Accidents happen.

The parents are overreacting. So are you with the over apologising.

In what way is the radiator dangerous?

DinnaeFashYersel · 12/09/2023 07:42

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/09/2023 07:40

Where was your husband while you were in the bathroom?
I can see how she was annoyed that her child was hurt and possibly scarred for life while there were two adults in the building BUT she'll probably come round.
Now would probably be a good time to move the sofa.

5 and 6 year olds don't need constant supervision.

Heyhoherewegoagain · 12/09/2023 07:44

It was an accident, they happen, but have you moved that sofa yet?

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/09/2023 07:46

@DinnaeFashYersel In an unfamiliar house I would beg to differ.

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 07:49

Thanks for your messages - well, I guess I just felt it was awkward that I’d soon meet the mum in school and hadn’t had a chance to address what happened w her, so I wanted to make sure that she knew (and not just from the dad) that we felt bad about it, and I guess I’m also a person who expects a bit too much in terms of friendliness, as I’m very extroverted and friendly myself, so I tend to over interpret neutral tones as anger. I do think in this case she is angry though! Yes agree too we should’ve moved the sofa but we live in a quite small apartment and there is no where else it can go, plus it’s a rented apartment so we can’t build radiator protectors etc. from now on I will move the sofa very far away from the radiator and also tell the kids not to play on it under any circumstances, so similar won’t happen again. I would say though that kids can always get hurt, he could’ve stumbled in the garden and knocked his head there, then it would’ve been the same result, perhaps worse. This is why I prefer for parents to stay for coffee the first time kids have a playdate, so you can establish report and also see how they interact w their child - is this child especially precious/wild/needs more attention etc.

OP posts:
VisionsOfSplendour · 12/09/2023 07:50

CherieBabySpliffUp · 12/09/2023 07:40

Where was your husband while you were in the bathroom?
I can see how she was annoyed that her child was hurt and possibly scarred for life while there were two adults in the building BUT she'll probably come round.
Now would probably be a good time to move the sofa.

She went to the loo, not an unreasonable thing to do, should single parents not be able to have play dates in case they need a wee?

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 07:51

Ps: the boy is 6.5 year old.

OP posts:
StressBless · 12/09/2023 07:57

Yes accidents happen but from her POV, her child needed hospital treatment after injuring himself doing something you admitted was an avoidable incident, had you moved the sofa.

She doesn’t know you as a person so doesn’t have any experience to know you’re mortified, are usually risk averse etc. I wouldn’t be in a rush to make you feel better about it either OP In these circumstances if I’m honest.

SomethingJusLikeThis · 12/09/2023 07:57

I think you telling them you knew it was dangerous has caused the problem. I wouldn't be happy as the child's parent if that was the case!

You've apologised, you can't do any more. She will eventually realise it could have happened anywhere, she will just be angry that you knew it was an issue and still let him play by it.

Trixiefirecracker · 12/09/2023 07:57

How can there simultaneously be ‘nowhere for the sofa to go’ but also you are going to move it as far away as possible? 😳
accidents happen but if you know there’s been an accident somewhere before I would do my best to move things so it’s not a hazard.

AnneLovesGilbert · 12/09/2023 07:57

They haven’t done anything wrong. You seem to want a gushing acceptance of your gushing and repetitive apologies. They’re not wrong to be upset or annoyed.

How many play dates did you say you’d hosted…?

ZadocPDederick · 12/09/2023 08:00

I may be missing something, but I wouldn't take a thumbs up as an expression of annoyance.

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 08:02

@Trixiefirecracker Well the only option is to move it away from the wall so it’s awkwardly somewhere on the floor away from the wall..? But tbh I think I’ll just ban the kids from playing in the living room after this.

OP posts: