Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Or is this an overreaction to kid getting injured?

120 replies

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 07:21

DS just started reception (disclaimer - am in Europe so this means kids are 5/6 yrs).
he has been settling well and have bonded with several boys, one of whom we invited over for a playdate on Sunday afternoon. I invited the parents to stay for coffee as first time so thought they may want to get acquainted a bit, but they politely refused and said they’d just drop the boy off. I already met the mum twice at school and had a friendly chat. The dad dropped the boy off and seemed to be in a hurry to leave. The boy played well for about 2 hours (play date was meant to be 2.5 hours), both in the garden and inside, with me keeping an eye on them but not being next to them every single minute. Just 20 mins before the boys pick up
time I was in the loo when I hear a shout and cry and DS comes running and tells me the friend got hurt. I rush to him and see he has banged his head against the radiator which is behind the sofa, bleeding and there is cut. I cuddle him and clean the wound and call the parents immediately and explain and apologize profusely. I can tell the cut will likely need gluing but no stitching, as it’s a bit gaping but not very deep or big. The dad arrives shortly after and seems ok although understandably not happy and worried, together we inspect the wound and DH offers to take them to emergency, but as the dad is on his bike and the live not too far away he says it’s okay and he’ll go home and then take the boy to emergency. All through this both DH and I are being polite, very apologetic and kind to the boy. In my panic I tell the dad that DS once heard his head on the same radiator and I’ve been meaning to move the sofa but haven’t got around to it. (DS hurt his head on it three years ago, we have since hosted hundreds of playdates and no child ever got hurt at our house ever before or even went near the radiator, so I had forgotten about it entirely). Later that evening I text the dad and ask how the boy is and apologize again. No response. The next day there’s a coffee morning in DS’s class, my husband attends and the boy and his parents are there, DH says the dad is chatty and seems ok and tell
him the boy indeed went to A&E and got his wound clued, but the mum is avoiding DH. I then sent her a message last night asking how the boy is and saying I understand his head was glued and I hope he will recover soon and that I’m so sorry her got injured at our house. She only responds hours later with a thumbs up. No words. Now, I’m certain that’s an expression she’s angry with us, and I feel so terrible and worried. I mainly feel really bad a child got injured in my care, but Im not sure there was much I could’ve done different. While it’s true that radiator by the sofa isn’t very safe, I’ve literally hosted 100 of playdates over the years and no kid ever went near it as they usually play in DS’ room. I suppose I could have been more vigilant and ensured that they didn’t go in the living room, but as I was in the loo, I hadn’t noticed that they went in there. I think likely they’re angry because it’s just generally upsetting when your child Gets hurt, especially in someone else’s care, and that perhaps because in my panic I told them that DS also once got hurt there, they think I should’ve thought about keeping the boys away from the sofa, and I do feel terribly guilty that I didn’t think of it, but as mentioned, we have hosted hundreds of playdates and never has anyone got near that radiator, so it just don’t occur to me at all, which is suppose is my fault at some level. However I did apologize several times and do all I could to help, so I don’t understand the mum’s behavior, and am very stressed out about it, especially at the beginning of a new school, when we will have to be in the same class with these parents for years to come, it feels really stressful to start off with an incident like this. Wondering what else I can do at this stage?

OP posts:
grenadeapple · 12/09/2023 10:08

but as mentioned, we have hosted hundreds of playdates

Yes you did mention this, a few times.

grenadeapple · 12/09/2023 10:11

In some places in the UK, maybe. Across Europe they don't have weird undertones to perfectly ordinary terms and emojis that the British seem to have. I wouldn't assume that the thumbs up emoji means something passive aggressive to another culture, when it's more likely to mean "it's OK".

This is not true. I’m not in the UK and the thumbs up emoji is not something I’d use in this situation either.

Hedgehodge · 12/09/2023 10:15

How has the mum been rude?

Sounds like you want reassurance after your apologies that all is well and there are no hard feelings, but if anything you’re the one overreacting to their response. Their child has been hurt at someone else’s home by a risk that you knew about - of course they’re going to be annoyed but those feelings will pass. Let them have those emotions, they’re doing nothing wrong.

iamwhatiam23 · 12/09/2023 10:28

Meh! It was an accident, these things happen a lot especially with boys! She needs to get over it and you need to stop apologising!

iamwhatiam23 · 12/09/2023 10:29

Sayitaintso33 · 12/09/2023 08:29

I think the mother is being rude and precious.

But then I broke my arm on a playdate. Looking back I can't imagine how terrible my friend's mum must have felt - it wasn't her fault though.

Spot on

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 11:19

but I also feel like that in any household there are potentially sharp corners etc., can’t wrap the whole place in cotton wool

Nobody is saying that your house needs to be perfectly safe - of course that's impossible.

It's the fact that your own son was already injured in the same way, nothing was done to make it safer and now this little boy has ended up needing hospital treatment.

I suspect the mum is thinking the whole thing was avoidable which is why she hasn't said much. Maybe it would have been better if you just apologised and said "I'll do xyz to prevent it happening again".

inappropriateraspberry · 12/09/2023 11:22

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 11:19

but I also feel like that in any household there are potentially sharp corners etc., can’t wrap the whole place in cotton wool

Nobody is saying that your house needs to be perfectly safe - of course that's impossible.

It's the fact that your own son was already injured in the same way, nothing was done to make it safer and now this little boy has ended up needing hospital treatment.

I suspect the mum is thinking the whole thing was avoidable which is why she hasn't said much. Maybe it would have been better if you just apologised and said "I'll do xyz to prevent it happening again".

Lots of things are avoidable, but doesn't stop them happening! It was an accident, not done with any intent, so no blame to be placed on anyone.

andrainwillmaketheflowersgrow · 12/09/2023 11:33

Lots of things are avoidable, but doesn't stop them happening! It was an accident, not done with any intent, so no blame to be placed on anyone.

I totally agree.

But I think by saying "oh, it's happened before when DS did the same thing" the mum might be thinking "well, why didn't you cover the sharp corner at the time?"

She may see it as something that could easily have been avoided, that's all.

TheBarbieEffect · 12/09/2023 11:55

I would be annoyed it happened when you knew it was a risk and I would be concerned by your lackadaisical attitude and lack of supervision.

I would be very pissed off you were trying to get me to make you feel about better about my child being hurt under your care and that would end any further relationship.

ColleenDonaghy · 12/09/2023 12:11

Lack of supervision, really? They're 6! My eldest is 5 and when she has a friend over (or when she doesn't) I don't supervise the way I would with a toddler, they go off and play and I keep an ear out and stick my head in every now and then.

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:14

@TheBarbieEffect see that’s exactly the kind of attitude Im worried this mum has. These boys are going to be in the same class likely for the next 10 years. So that’s why I’m worried I’m going to have some other parent hating me the whole time and possibly gossiping about our family and ostracizing DS. That’s why I’m over apologizing and over reacting. I deeply regret inviting this kid over.

the boy also told me it was the third time he’d cracked his head open and needed hospital attention for it. He said once he fell and another time he got in a fight with another boy and fell on a rock. I’m not saying it’s this boy’s fault, but if my kid had a tendency to be quite physically wild, I’d likely at least warn a new acquaintance of this before them hosting my child, or stay with him the first time. Like I said, no other kid in our house has ever got near that radiator and the boy couldn’t explain himself how he managed to hurt his head, nether clild my son who was in the room with him, he said they were playing with cars and all of a sudden the boy was on the sofa and had hurt his head. I guess I’m not expecting 6.5 year olds to bounce around to such an extent that they’re going to crack their heads open if I leave the room for 3 minutes.

OP posts:
LolaSmiles · 12/09/2023 12:17

Sounds like you want reassurance after your apologies that all is well and there are no hard feelings, but if anything you’re the one overreacting to their response.
Their child has been hurt at someone else’s home by a risk that you knew about - of course they’re going to be annoyed but those feelings will pass. Let them have those emotions, they’re doing nothing wrong.
Agree with this.

I'd probably give reassurance if an injury was one of those things. Eg. They're in the garden being supervised, trip and fall.

An entirely avoidable injury that happened due to a parent not address a known hazard / not supervising around a known hazard would leave me annoyed. I'd not want to feel like the parent was pushing and nudging me to reassure them, so would be polite but refrain from getting involved further.

OP Your latest update sounds like you're now trying to shift the responsibility for the injury to a child who wasn't supervised in a house where he supervising adult knows there is a hazard / the child's mother should have told you that their child has previously banged their head and told you their child was 'wild'.

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:24

…the very diverse opinions on what’s acceptable supervision for this age group and what’s a safe environment or not is exactly why this experience has made it extremely clear to me that it’s crucial to know parents better before inviting kids over by themselves. After this experience I won’t allow the younger kids to come
over by themselves without first having interacted properly with the parents one on one. I think for 9-year olds like my DD, it’s fine, but for these 5-6 year olds, they need their parent with them the first time, or maybe to meet outside somewhere w both set of parents around the first time.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 12/09/2023 12:33

I think the mum is being a bit rude, she was fine with leaving her kid at someone's house she barely knows and she hasn't bothered to accept your apologies. I wouldn't dream of acting like this if I was that mum.

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:34

@LolaSmiles we are talking about a radiator behind a sofa. Not a massive hole in the floor or an uncovered pool. About a thing ONE person got hurt on ONCE in six years. I’m not sure that can be classified as a known hazard, and it was my mistake to tell them that my son got hurt there once before. Something I did because I was so panicked and did feel like it WAS to a certain extent my fault for not telling them not to play on the sofa, but I wasn’t expecting them to do that as they were in the other room before I went to the loo, and you really have to bounce around like crazy to get hurt there. But it’s telling that so many people on here think that it truly was a grave mistake on our part, that’s exactly the feeling I get from these parents. At this stage I don’t think there’s much more I can do other than just let it go and let’s just say my desire to host playdates for young boys has been finished for the time being.

OP posts:
Dramatic · 12/09/2023 12:35

TheBarbieEffect · 12/09/2023 11:55

I would be annoyed it happened when you knew it was a risk and I would be concerned by your lackadaisical attitude and lack of supervision.

I would be very pissed off you were trying to get me to make you feel about better about my child being hurt under your care and that would end any further relationship.

Edited

You have eyes on your 6 year old every minute? How do you go to the toilet? Take them with you? If they've got a friend over would you just piss yourself rather than leave them to play? Don't be daft.

thisisasurvivor · 12/09/2023 12:38

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 08:05

Yea you’re right I guess I do, I’m a quite anxious person and very careful with my own kids and especially other people’s kids so feeL mortified at what’s happened, and probably too eager for a sense of all is okay from them, especially as it’s the start of a new school. We usually host a lot of play dates, many kids like coming to our house and on average host 2 play dates probably a week, plus neighbours kids pretty much treat our flat like it’s their second home, so guess I maybe also got a bit too relaxed around play dates

Gosh it is difficult isn't it

I am not sure I will be having play dates and sleep overs at my house any more

I worry so much

Few weeks ago my friend dropped her Dd off to a cafe
My dd was there
We had pancakes and went to the park beside it

It was so easy and stress free

In most cases parents
Ring if something happens
Ensure child is ok

Etc

So you did all you could and checked in many times too

Xxxxxx

thisisasurvivor · 12/09/2023 12:40

Sofasurfer23 · 12/09/2023 09:25

You are trying to hard and this would annoy me more to be honest if I was the mum. Just leave it, if she’s angry she needs to work through these emotions and then we might become friendly again. Just leave her to process imo

But OP is also worried and wanted to see if everything was ok

So hard sometimes and it was kind of you to host the play dates

Park play dates always good fun too xxxx

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:44

Well that’s how I feel but I think that family is just very different to us. I think it’s easier to host playdates with kids whose families are more on the same page. I know so many kids whose parents would never be angry if that had happened to their kid at ours. But none are in this school and I’m now worried the school will be full
of people like that who will shun us once this rumor spreads, as I’m sure it will.

OP posts:
Sayitaintso33 · 12/09/2023 12:44

Just about every radiator is a known hazard. A six year old could easily run, slip and fall into most radiators.

I suppose a radiator behind a couch on which children bounce is a greater hazard.

I have read the full thread but I can't remember if OP said the injury was the result of bouncing on the couch or whether I have just assumed that is what happened. If it was, do 6 year old routinely bounce on couches? I have never known a house where that was allowed - more to protect the couch than the child. I can remember 2 years olds standing on couches, but not 6 year olds.

A wild child is more likely to injure himself than a calm child, and if you are the parent of a wild child, you shouldn't be too surprised if bumps, bruises and cuts follow.

In my childhood, the boy, despite his injured brow, would have been punished for bouncing on someone else's couch. I'm glad that no longer happens.

SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs · 12/09/2023 12:44

Could their child possibly have told them that your child pushed them into the radiator or something similar? Either way, I'd leave it now, you've done nothing wrong and you've apologised more than enough.

thisisasurvivor · 12/09/2023 12:45

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:44

Well that’s how I feel but I think that family is just very different to us. I think it’s easier to host playdates with kids whose families are more on the same page. I know so many kids whose parents would never be angry if that had happened to their kid at ours. But none are in this school and I’m now worried the school will be full
of people like that who will shun us once this rumor spreads, as I’m sure it will.

Could have happened any where

Accidents happen

The family dealt with it
You rang them did all you could

What are they going to tell others

Accidents do happen
It's not like you left them completely alone and no one was there to help

Goldfishonabike · 12/09/2023 12:46

@thisisasurvivor yes I think park play dates are the way to go for first playdates, if the weather is ok for it. I just got so used to hosting at our place and things always went smoothly so I wasn’t expecting any trouble.

OP posts:
thisisasurvivor · 12/09/2023 12:48

This is going to sound terrible but if a really bad accident happened at someone's house and family claimed would it be from home insurance? (Broken bone etc?) just asking

IfYouDontAsk · 12/09/2023 12:48

Accidents happen and I wouldn’t automatically be upset with another parent if my child got injured in their care.

I would, however, be incredibly upset if my child got injured in someone’s home due to a hazard that you already knew about, that had already caused one accident and that you hadn’t bothered to do anything about. I think the parents have been very restrained.