Or is this an overreaction to kid getting injured?

[Goldfishonabike]

DS just started reception (disclaimer - am in Europe so this means kids are 5/6 yrs).
he has been settling well and have bonded with several boys, one of whom we invited over for a playdate on Sunday afternoon. I invited the parents to stay for coffee as first time so thought they may want to get acquainted a bit, but they politely refused and said they’d just drop the boy off. I already met the mum twice at school and had a friendly chat. The dad dropped the boy off and seemed to be in a hurry to leave. The boy played well for about 2 hours (play date was meant to be 2.5 hours), both in the garden and inside, with me keeping an eye on them but not being next to them every single minute. Just 20 mins before the boys pick up
time I was in the loo when I hear a shout and cry and DS comes running and tells me the friend got hurt. I rush to him and see he has banged his head against the radiator which is behind the sofa, bleeding and there is cut. I cuddle him and clean the wound and call the parents immediately and explain and apologize profusely. I can tell the cut will likely need gluing but no stitching, as it’s a bit gaping but not very deep or big. The dad arrives shortly after and seems ok although understandably not happy and worried, together we inspect the wound and DH offers to take them to emergency, but as the dad is on his bike and the live not too far away he says it’s okay and he’ll go home and then take the boy to emergency. All through this both DH and I are being polite, very apologetic and kind to the boy. In my panic I tell the dad that DS once heard his head on the same radiator and I’ve been meaning to move the sofa but haven’t got around to it. (DS hurt his head on it three years ago, we have since hosted hundreds of playdates and no child ever got hurt at our house ever before or even went near the radiator, so I had forgotten about it entirely). Later that evening I text the dad and ask how the boy is and apologize again. No response. The next day there’s a coffee morning in DS’s class, my husband attends and the boy and his parents are there, DH says the dad is chatty and seems ok and tell
him the boy indeed went to A&E and got his wound clued, but the mum is avoiding DH. I then sent her a message last night asking how the boy is and saying I understand his head was glued and I hope he will recover soon and that I’m so sorry her got injured at our house. She only responds hours later with a thumbs up. No words. Now, I’m certain that’s an expression she’s angry with us, and I feel so terrible and worried. I mainly feel really bad a child got injured in my care, but Im not sure there was much I could’ve done different. While it’s true that radiator by the sofa isn’t very safe, I’ve literally hosted 100 of playdates over the years and no kid ever went near it as they usually play in DS’ room. I suppose I could have been more vigilant and ensured that they didn’t go in the living room, but as I was in the loo, I hadn’t noticed that they went in there. I think likely they’re angry because it’s just generally upsetting when your child Gets hurt, especially in someone else’s care, and that perhaps because in my panic I told them that DS also once got hurt there, they think I should’ve thought about keeping the boys away from the sofa, and I do feel terribly guilty that I didn’t think of it, but as mentioned, we have hosted hundreds of playdates and never has anyone got near that radiator, so it just don’t occur to me at all, which is suppose is my fault at some level. However I did apologize several times and do all I could to help, so I don’t understand the mum’s behavior, and am very stressed out about it, especially at the beginning of a new school, when we will have to be in the same class with these parents for years to come, it feels really stressful to start off with an incident like this. Wondering what else I can do at this stage?

She is over-reacting by not just replying to say "Thank you, they think it will be fully healed in 1 week" or something when you text to say you hope he is ok and you are sorry once again.

Stop grovelling too - Why was her kid behind your sofa? At 6.5 years old (year 2/ 3rd year of primary school in the UK) this is a a case of fuck around and find out. You were in the loo - not like you can avoid the toilet just to watch the kids for every single second.

I’m sure not as I’m certain that’s not what happened, the boy said himself he didn’t know how it occurred and my son came straight to me as it happened. The boys get on really well and yesterday after the incident DS told me they played lots and DH told me they were together at pick up. The boy is apparently very keen on DS and in fact DS was saying that he was happy the play date was on a Sunday, because then the boy couldn’t threaten to cancel it, apparently this boy wants to play with DS all the time and if DS wants to include other boys in the game the boy had then for the week leading up to the playdate said to DS that if he didn’t play with only him, he’d cancel the playdate. So on reflection maybe a bit of distance to this boy isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

I was upset and annoyed when my 16 month old fell over the back of a (small) garden wall after climbing on a chair on to concrete, split his lip and chipped his tooth (thank god it wasn't any worse). He was being "looked after" by my OHs cousin and had been left alone in the garden with their 18 month old for what turned out to be quite a long period of time. However, your situation is completely different and I don't see how she can be annoyed with you really.

@SkinnyMalinkyLankyLegs this last post was in response to your comment

I has no idea till a previous MN thread that 👍 was so universally seen as passive aggressive. I’m scrolling back through all my texts now to see how inappropriate I’ve been.

could’ve been worse OP, you could’ve got a from the mum.

That’s a good question, think In this country (Nordics) it would be covered by what’s called “personal liability insurance” the same that would if you r your child damaged someone else’s property or belongings. There’s no suggestion of that though as health care is free in this country as the partners didn’t v have to
keep him off school for a single day.
For context, my DD had a basketball hoop drop on her head in PE just before summer, had a bad cut and needed gluing and staying home from school two days. The school didn’t even apologize or explain, merely called and informed us of reject accident and the teacher followed up next day asking how she was but didn’t respond to my message when I explained how she was and that she’d need to stay off school for two days. We just left it. I was upset the school didn’t follow up wi th a report I their negligence on maintaining gym equipment or even express regret, so perhaps this experience feeds into my need to apologize to this mum too.

That’s why I think always better to use your words unless it a close and established relationship where you are sure your interpretation of emojis is on the same
page.

This!
I would be calling you to reassure you if I was the mother, not being a snotty arsehole. Kids muck about and get hurt, and he is fine!

Hmm. Well with this update, I think you're right, a bit of space between the boys is probably a positive thing for your little one.

@LolaSmiles we are talking about a radiator behind a sofa. Not a massive hole in the floor or an uncovered pool.
About a thing ONE person got hurt on ONCE in six years. I’m not sure that can be classified as a known hazard, and it was my mistake to tell them that my son got hurt there once before.

It was enough of an injury to your son that you'd planned to move the furniture because of it though.

We're a family who thinks bumps and bruises are part and parcel of playing so are quite relaxed overall because kids will be kids. To me if an injury warrants me thinking "I need to do something about that in case it happens again" then that's something that I have a responsibility to deal with before leaving any children unsupervised there.

Other people will make a different assessment.

Look, I haven't cpunt d the paragraphs used by the OP in explaining the situation through the thread, but it looks like 2-3 per post.

Is that how you're messaging this poor woman?

Just because you think that a cup of coffee would have changed how she felt about the situation, doesn't mean it would. And be honest with yourself - do you speak in these reams of information and justification too? I'd have refused the coffee too!

One of the most important things to learn with anxiety is not to expect other people to play along.

You get to have your anxiety, she gets to have her annoyance at the accident. You can't expect her to "play along" with your rulebook for dealing with your need to apologise when you're not playing along with her rulebook on silently fuming.

my Message to the mum was short , polite and to the point. I was only trying to express concern to her and be friendly, it’s perplexing to me that some people would find friendliness annoying. But guess we’re all different.

And of course she’s entitled to have whatever feelings she wants and needs, and if that’s anger that’s her right. I guess have just never been in a situation like this before so didn’t know what to expect

To me if an injury warrants me thinking "I need to do something about that in case it happens again" then that's something that I have a responsibility to deal with before leaving any children unsupervised there.

I agree with this.

Yes, accidents happen and nobody expects their kids to never get hurt, but there's a difference between a child (for example) dropping a glass and cutting themselves accidentally, and a child injuring themselves on a pre-existing, known hazard that wasn't sorted after the first injury.

So sorry to hear this

Now that would be totally different

And I would be so so angry
Poor them xxxxx

Yes, accidents happen and nobody expects their kids to never get hurt, but there's a difference between a child (for example) dropping a glass and cutting themselves accidentally, and a child injuring themselves on a pre-existing, known hazard that wasn't sorted after the first injury.
That's exactly how I feel

My child falls over when playing in the garden and requires a trip to hospital = children will do that sometimes, not ideal but the poor parent running the play date probably is already needlessly beating themselves up. We all know it's not possible to have eyes in the back of your head.

My child falls over when playing in the garden and requires a trip to hospital, but the parent knew their child has previously given themselves a nasty cut on rusty nails/broken boards and then left the children unsupervised to play = me being irritated that they didn't mitigate the hazard and then left children unsupervised. Either mitigate the hazard, ensure there's appropriate supervision to account for the hazard, or ideally both.

Except that it wasn't rusty nails in the garden, it was a radiator behind the sofa. I still don't understand what's dangerous about that, but I doubt the injury happened while the boy was sitting still watching the TV. Kids will be boisterous on playdates, fine, but that usually ends in tears and sometimes someone is unlucky enough to fall the wrong way and hit the radiator or land wrong and break their arm etc.

A radiator that the OP's son has already injured himself on in a pretty similar way - I think that's the key point.

If OP hadn't admitted to the parents that her son had already hurt himself on it, they'd be none-the-wiser and probably happier to accept her apology. There's such a thing as being too honest!

A radiator that the OP's son has already injured himself on in a pretty similar way - I think that's the key point.
Yes that's it.

Thinking about my own children and my own house rather than the OP.

If my children bump themselves on something and nothing crosses my mind beyond dealing with the bump, then I'd move on. It's obviously one of those things.

If my children bump themselves and my assessment of the situation is "I probably should change.... to avoid that happening again" then something needs doing to mitigate the hazard.

If I didn't mitigate the hazard and then my children were injured when I chose not to put some changes in then I'd feel awful because I clearly knew I should have done something.

The fact the OP says herself that she'd been meaning to move the furniture due to a previous injury, to me puts it in the second category.

It's interesting what you say about Northern Europeans viewing a thumbs up as cold and rude. I'm Northern European and would just see it as a standard acknowledgement; but then, I grew up before emojis were a thing, so perhaps it's also generational.

No one's going to be happy that their child was injured seriously enough to need medical attention at someone else's house, but i think most people accept that accidents happen. If I were in their shoes, I'd be annoyed at the constant apologies. One sincere apology is enough. I would interpret constant apologising as someone who wants me to comfort them and tell them it's ok, when it isn't.