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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just chucked partners clothes in the bin

157 replies

Timeforchange13 · 11/09/2023 20:23

Been with DP 5 years. Good as gold usually but I've had enough of picking up after him all the time. Asked him to put the new bedsheets on and he said he will in a minute. Half an hour later, he's still sat on his phone. He's also permanently got a pile of clothes on the floor next to his bed with a bunch of crap he can't be bothered to put into drawers.

Another thing, he recently came back from a golf holiday and left a whole load of washing in our spare room, some needing washing, some ironing. Been repeatedly asking him for 3 days to do something with it, and today I've just got so fed up, I got all the clothes from the floor and spare bedroom and put them in a bin bag and chucked them in the bin. He went absolutely crazy but I am at my wits end of having to tell him to clean up after himself!

OP posts:
Gcsunnyside23 · 12/09/2023 07:08

Stop washing his clothes, like them in a wash bin so you don't have to look at them but if hes not doing bare min then I wouldn't do anything for him

Ozarkz · 12/09/2023 07:09

I wouldn’t have binned them but I would have bagged them up and put them outside in the rain (with the bag left open of course). That way he has to get his arse in gear and sort that out - binning them just gets him out of having to actually do anything.

years ago I threw my partners clothes out of the bedroom window during torrential rain … no bag, literally just chucked them out the window as they were. I didn’t mention it either, watched him searching frantically for his work uniform, said he shouldn’t leave his shit lying over all over the floor if he’s likely to need them anytime soon etc

he eventually found them soaked outside 😂 I still smile when I think of the satisfaction I felt at the time. (The relationship didn’t last long 😂)

Stripeypyjamas · 12/09/2023 07:13

Yabu to have told him what you did. I'd have left it until he realised he was down to one pair of pants.

Cherrysoup · 12/09/2023 07:13

Drives me nuts, so well done, OP!

We turned a spare room into the study, but my DH used it as his dressing room and you couldn’t even sit in the chair, which was piled with clothes or access the desk, which was covered in crap. I told him one day I needed to print something off but it was impossible to access anything. He cleared the lot! I was amazed! It’s been awful for months. Then he cleared out months of accumulated stuff, used envelopes/hung up clothes. Don’t know what prompted him, but I’m thrilled. I refuse to pick up after him.

CarpetSlipper · 12/09/2023 07:16

Yabu, I understand it bothers you but why does he have to put a sheet on the bed within 30 mins of you telling him? Presumably he’d put the sheet on before getting in it?
As for the clothes, get a laundry basket and chuck them in there. When he runs out of clean stuff he’ll probably wash it.

inamarina · 12/09/2023 07:18

Mble · 12/09/2023 03:55

You are acting like his mother by describing him as ‘good as gold’ and giving him warnings for not dealing with his clothes. If you both like being in a relationship like this then I guess it is fine to bin his clothes. It seems to have got the response you wanted.

I also found the ‚good as gold‘ comment a bit odd. Same goes for ‚sometimes you have to put them in their place‘ and ‚that will teach him a lesson‘ (the last one came from someone else I think).
Just imagine a man talked this way about his girlfriend/ wife Hmm

Defiantjazz · 12/09/2023 07:19

if my partner did this to me, I would leave them.

You’d have to pick your all clothes up off the floor to do that.

Redavocadoes · 12/09/2023 07:19

"He's as good as gold usually", "You warned him"
You are talking about him as if he is a child or a pet! It's patronising.

He is a grown adult and if he wants his clothes on the floor by his bed he can. If it bothers you then rearrange the bedroom so you don't see it. Or have a discussion where you say his preference is X and yours is Y and how can you compromise so you are both comfortable living in the house.

I leave my clothes on the bedroom floor, I don't have space for a chair so if they aren't going straight in the laundry basket (as I know I'm wearing them again in the next day or two) they get laid out flat on the floor. As I don't out worn clothes back in the wardrobe. The floor is clean so it's not an issue.

Your DP had a pile of clothes in the spare room for three days, not on the living room or kitchen table, they were in the spare room. If the sight offends you, don't go in there or put them in a big box. You don't get to decide what he is and isn't allowed to do with his own clothes.

If I lived with someone who couldn't let me do my own clothes sorting in my own time and way, I'd be walking on eggshells feeling like I couldn't relax in my own home.

madeinmanc · 12/09/2023 07:19

Well, it's no wonder men often choose to absolve themselves of household tasks if women are going to be bolshy over it as described in this thread.

If men behaved towards women in the same way as described multiple times in this thread, there's be uproar! What if a man posted that he'd done such and such a thing and that "put her in her place"? You can't just bully people into doing what you want. What does that make you?

Lentilweaver · 12/09/2023 07:22

I want to do the same with DDs clothes tbh.. I hate clothes on the floor and in piles around.

Themoonandtwopence · 12/09/2023 07:27

GreyBlackBay · 11/09/2023 23:49

Whilst I think men like this are the absolute pits who put you in charge?

You have no right to bin his clothes or even tell him to put them away. This is a you problem. He's an adult, he can do what he likes but must live with the consequences.

It sounds like the consequences here are you nagging and getting angry and upset, and it appears he CAN live with that. Do you want to live like that?

This is unlikey to change. Think about leaving. Tell him how unhappy you are and talk to him about leaving. He may still rather live in a mess and see you leave than tidy up. Then it's your move I'm afraid.

You make some good points.

I was married to a lazy slob who treated me like the laundry maid/head-cook-and-bottlewasher, he couldn't even put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket (and left used coffee cups all over the house).

He had umpteen warnings to no avail, so I began strike action.

I stopped washing his clothes and picking up after him. I left coffee cups where they were until they grew mould. If he needed a mug he washed one and used it again.
Eventually, when he ran out of clean clothes for work, he started taking them to the wishy-washy for a 'service wash'.

He refused to wash any dishes after meals so I stopped cooking. He started having meals in the works canteen or going to the Chinese to get a takeaway.

It got so that he was hardly at home, which suited me fine.
Then I found out he was having an affair so I divorced him and now he's someone else's problem.

These idle lazy entitled man-children don't change.🙄

blueluce85 · 12/09/2023 07:29

Why should she have to look at the mess because he can't be a responsible adult who actually respects that other people live in the house..

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 12/09/2023 07:29

Relax, so his clothes haven’t been washed after 3 days it’s not that long a time. You sound very controlling.

dhilez · 12/09/2023 07:30

Spousal abuse, you have no right to put someone else’s clothes in the bin.

As usual reverse this and see how many women are still clapping for the man putting the lazy woman in her place.

peanutbutterkid · 12/09/2023 07:31

This thread is an advert against marriage.

Themoonandtwopence · 12/09/2023 07:31

blueluce85 · 12/09/2023 07:29

Why should she have to look at the mess because he can't be a responsible adult who actually respects that other people live in the house..

Exactly this ^.

IMO it shows total disrespect.

madeinmanc · 12/09/2023 07:38

@dhilez I think "abuse" is a word that gets thrown around too easily these days but I agree it's definitely controlling behaviour.

Stravaig · 12/09/2023 07:38

You don't like the man in front of you, so you end it. You don't abuse him, throw away his belongings, or try to make him into someone else.

He likes to leave his clothes lying around, so he needs to live with a compatible partner. Not allow himself to be browbeaten and controlled by you.

Neither of you is ending an unhealthy relationship with an unsuitable partner.

Lentilweaver · 12/09/2023 07:44

IRL most people in a relationship put up with something I think. Do people really go around looking for someone who likes to keep clothes in large piles?
Not saying you should put up with this OP but LTB may be too much.

Morewineplease10 · 12/09/2023 07:52

Why doesn't she leave it?

Presumably she doesn't want to live in a house with piles of crap on the floor?

Good for you op.

Middleagedmeangirls · 12/09/2023 07:55

DH was like this when we first got married nearly 40 years ago. Eventually I stopped asking/nagging him to use the laundry basket and just started putting all the dirty clothes he left lying around away. The socks would get neatly rolled, the dirty underpants stacked in his drawer with the clean ones. Dirty shirts, T-shirts and jeans hung up in his wardrobe.

It took a few days for the penny to drop but it worked - he miraculously found his way to the laundry basket and has used it ever since!

He is retiring soon and I am hoping he might use some of his newly acquired spare time to find out where we keep the washing machine.

NotQuiteHere · 12/09/2023 07:57

So silly of you

Lentilweaver · 12/09/2023 08:00

Eh @Middleagedmeangirls didn't you ever go away alone in 40 years leaving DH to do the laundry? Maybe that's a joke?

Milkbottlewaffle · 12/09/2023 08:06

You sound like his mother and he sounds like a teenager 🤮

OssomMummy1 · 12/09/2023 08:15

YANBU
never ever.
But, there could be repercussions unless you are self-sufficient, self reliant, independent and "what-not" kinda woman. Me and my DP are interdependent. I am the boss in the house and things run as per my orders. I also take responsibility to ensure that house is neat, clean and tidy. Outside the house, it is his responsibility. As lazy as he is in the house, he is very alert and fiercely protective to me and my girls, a skilled DIYer, gardener and carpenter. I am happy that he is making our girls more bold and daring. Life is like a car with flat tyre; someone, sometimes have to compensate for one another.