I would love to have these problems!

[RodeRange]

I read threads with fascination, all the common issues and problems that seem to come up. It's like a foreign planet to me.

I left school at 14, I was very ill. I recovered but sadly lost every friend I had. In my 20s, I lost my DM who was my only family. No siblings, no aunts, uncles, grandparents.

I met DH when I was 23 and we married, he has no family either apart from a brother who lives in Canada. Fast forward - we forged our own business together which has done very well financially, working life though is just us, no colleagues.

I'm a friendly, warm person and throughout life I made the odd friend via hobbies but never had a group of friends or been close to anyone. I do have agoraphobic tendencies that I've had since I was poorly which I fight every day.

I've never been to a wedding, never been invited to a BBQ, or to dinner with a friend, or a birthday party. I've never spent Christmas with more than one person (either Mum or DH). I'm invisible, not needed by anyone.

I decided not to have children because I feel like a broken person with my past, and a broken parent is no good for a child. I read that it takes a village to raise a child, and I don't have a village.

I just wanted to say that I'd love to have some of the problems I read on here...I'm so envious of your full, busy lives filled with people and purpose.

I'd swap all the money I have to know what it's like to belong, to feel included, to feel part everything.

Ok, your problems are different to some of the other ones you’re reading about. That doesn’t invalidate other people’s problems or experiences. “I wish I had your problems” is a very dismissive, patronising thing to say.

I dont think you're being patronising, you are not saying people please stop moaning. You are saying what you'd actually give to have a problem witha group of friends, or childcare issues, or mother in law complicating things. I hear you, I dont think other people are reading it that way though.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you have Facebook? Could you try snd reconnect with school friends? What about looking for any local groups who have weekly meet ups, walks, a local pub where you could end up striking up a friendship?

I read that it takes a village to raise a child, and I don't have a village I think you need to read better things.

It’s never too late to make friends - it takes me ages too but I’m sure you could prioritise friends? But you know self acceptance is really the first step - some people won’t like you or click with you however hard you try -
these days if someone annoys me or I annoy them I assume it’s a bad match and don’t overthink it.

I am sorry you had such a bad start. It seems like you have done very well considering. How old are you now?

I find it odd though when anyone wishes for someone else’s problems. The fact it is a problem means that it is making someone unhappy and stressed. And you have no idea how you would cope with that problem in their shoes.

I understand that you envy people with fuller lives and lots of friends and family. But I don’t know why you would covet their problems. Problems are no fun.

I have been lucky and had friends but I actually made my ‘best’ friend at 40. So there is always time for life to change. Good luck.

That saying ‘comparison is the thief of joy’ is very, very true I think. We all have different lives, comparing yourself to others is never helpful.

See I haven't interpreted what she says as this. I feel she's simply saying she envies ppls' lives (or their perception) because she yearns to belong. She's not belittling anyone's problems or issues. Merely stating a fact.

Your post actually made me sad. (I do agree that “I wish I had your problems” is a very dismissive and annoying way of putting it but hey ho I don’t think you meant that!)

so what have you done to nurture friendships op? Have you ever invited people for a bbq or dinner? Joined clubs or groups?

I moved away from family

I met most of my friends via the other parents.

Children find their village.

I think that's pretty unkind really.

If you want a bigger social circle then that's definitely something you can change.

I don't think your problems are "superior" to other people's problems really.

For our wedding, it was just us - we asked DH's brother if he'd like to be there but he had work commitments.

Oh I'd love to know people to invite...we're lucky to have a nice house and space, I often feel it's such a waste.

Maybe anyone here would like to come? I bake very good cakes if I can tempt anyone!

@Pinktottenham looking back, without the support from mine and DH parents I think bringing up our little ones would have been extremely hard. One of my children was born with complications, if it was only me and DH in our world I'd have crumbled.

Loneliness and isolation are such terrible, painful problems to have, OP, and I am sorry that you are probably not going to get many kind answers because people will misunderstand your tone. Having a community and a sense of a web of interactions with other people holds us up and gives us a place in the world. Of course you have a lot of wonderful things in your life, as you have money and a good husband, two things which many people are in desperate need of, but I think you recognise that.

Do you want practical advice, or do you want to hear from other people about the problems they wished they had?

Incidentally I have found in the last 30 years, that I have made the best friends by meeting people online and translating that Into RL. My best friend in fact, I met on an online forum.

Do you not read all the posts on here where 1000 people are advising the OP to go NC because their friend of 15 years didn’t split the bill evenly at dinner, and the difference was £2 🙄 Or the ones where people are having endless debates over how to split paying for holiday villas, by person or by room. Sometimes I wonder whether people on here actually like their ‘friends’!!

Is it too late to reconsider having children?

it helps if you have family when you have a baby, but not necessary esp if you and your dh are a good partnership. Plus you make friends through having kids - if you do nct classes/pregnancy yoga and then when they go to school too.
i do get what you mean with wishing you had family ‘problems’ as I don’t really have family other than dh/kids/in-laws (who are mainly grim) and it gets a bit depressing.