I would love to have these problems!

[RodeRange]

I read threads with fascination, all the common issues and problems that seem to come up. It's like a foreign planet to me.

I left school at 14, I was very ill. I recovered but sadly lost every friend I had. In my 20s, I lost my DM who was my only family. No siblings, no aunts, uncles, grandparents.

I met DH when I was 23 and we married, he has no family either apart from a brother who lives in Canada. Fast forward - we forged our own business together which has done very well financially, working life though is just us, no colleagues.

I'm a friendly, warm person and throughout life I made the odd friend via hobbies but never had a group of friends or been close to anyone. I do have agoraphobic tendencies that I've had since I was poorly which I fight every day.

I've never been to a wedding, never been invited to a BBQ, or to dinner with a friend, or a birthday party. I've never spent Christmas with more than one person (either Mum or DH). I'm invisible, not needed by anyone.

I decided not to have children because I feel like a broken person with my past, and a broken parent is no good for a child. I read that it takes a village to raise a child, and I don't have a village.

I just wanted to say that I'd love to have some of the problems I read on here...I'm so envious of your full, busy lives filled with people and purpose.

I'd swap all the money I have to know what it's like to belong, to feel included, to feel part everything.

People are misreading this post. The OP didn't say can everyone stop moaning. She is stating factual info that she envies people with friends, family, social lives.

The people saying who did you invite to your wedding, did you not read that she doesn't know anyone to invite to her wedding???

I bake very good cakes if I can tempt anyone!

I bake good biscuits. If you have a good garden, we could cater a NGS garden opening for you. 😀

Does you husband not have friends?

Absolutely, I didn't mean it in a dismissive way.

I mean I wish I was worried about what to wear to a wedding, sort of problems!

Yes over the years I've tried lots of groups and hobbies, and made the odd friend but never been able to really get further than acquaintance.

When I've invited people over or suggested doing something, everyone is busy or they say yes but then drop out. Must be me!

I missed a lot of socialising so sometimes I think I'm faulty.

You sound fortunate in lots of ways OP - financial security, own business, DH, large house. Can you volunteer? Food bank? Meet people that way? Perhaps use your business was a way in, for example if its I.T offer a free advice session, if you're in catering, offer a discounted local's event.
It takes effort to build a network just like building a business.

Where do you live?
Youre welcome to mine for a bbq next Time I have one! And your DH!

It'll be next year probably as I'm recovering from surgery, but genuinely, you're very welcome.

I have lots of shy friends and they're the loveliest humans!

@machinescanthink OP says she's never been close to anyone, and if you read her update just above your post it explains further.

Ps: when I was a teen I was desperate for a ‘group’, didn’t find it at school so I basically trawled round local youth groups until I found the right one and I’m still great friends with about 6 of them now (in our 50s). Maybe as an adult you can try various meet-ups (there’s a website), think there are a few sites to meet friends on, in-person groups like WI or book clubs.
im
looking for more social opportunities now my DCs are flying the nest.

I’d prefer to think it’s less about you being faulty @RodeRange Im sure you’re not. Just that you haven’t found your people yet. Because I’m sure there are people for everyone. And maybe My suggestion of internet groups helps you find them.

have you thought about the WI or Townswomen’s Guild?

Phew, exactly this! I'm just in wonder at how busy and full all these lives are, and I wish I had some of that, and experienced a few 'normal' things.

Thank you for wording it better than I did!

Remember on here you only get a glance of someone's life. Just because someone's complaining about something you'd love, it's only one aspect. As you know envy doesn't get you anywhere either, it's a waste of emotional energy. Focus on what you have, it sounds like you have things going on that on paper others would love, and make plans to address things you don't. It can be hard to make friends as an adult, but it doesn't mean you're 'faulty' at all, it means you haven't found people you connect with. Do you have any interests/hobbies? Someone I work with always said they felt lonely so we encouraged them to join a book club, she met lots of like minded people (she loves reading) but wouldn't have thought to join one.

And i Think @Lordofmyflies makes a really good point about building a network requires effort and commitment. Like building a business network. Could you look on it like that? As a project almost.

Do you live in a village/town?
Local Facebook pages are great for informal socialising without commitment.
Agoraphobia must be terrible to live with but if you start locally- farmers market, festivals, fêtes etc you may find yourself drawn in gradually. Good luck!

The other way to look at it - it sounds like you found your soulmate in DH, and that you have a successful career/business together and don’t have to worry about money (nice house etc) - those are actually pretty big (good) things in the grand scheme!

Expanding your social circle is possible but takes a lot of proactivity, inviting people over rather than waiting to be invited. I have moved to a different country 3 times now so started from 0 each time and succeeded to make a couple good friends plus some acquaintances in each - but it did take a lot of getting out of my comfort zone, organizing events and inviting people over, signing up for activities, going out to events.
Ditto with having kids - I moved to the current country 2 months before DD was born, not knowing anyone other than DH - very far from “having a village” - but I found meeting people through kids/with kids the same age actually helpful and while you don’t keep in touch or even click with every mum you meet, it is possible to make friends that way too.

I’ve had times when my life has been full of people and times when it hasn’t been. It’s still possible for you to have more people in your life.

However, if you’re not used to dealing with a lot of people’s expectations you may not have yet tested your boundaries. You might not know yet whether you have problems with people pleasing or recognising when someone is not good for you.

During quiet times I like to read Mumsnet because it reminds me what to expect next time I get out there.

It’s all relative, isin’t it.
I was reading and nodding along with your post.
And then I got into the husband part.
You are so lucky to have a husband.
I’ve never even been an a date, no one wants me.
Do where I’m standing you are very lucky, who has so much. What is it like to have so much?
Totally understand you don’t want to hear that btw.
But like I said, it’s all relative.

You can definitely change this if you want to. Do you mind saying roughly what age you are? Different things are key to making friends at different ages.

Many of us have moved away from everyone we know and had to start from scratch. It is easier if you are young and live in a lively area though. You also have to be willing to reach out and risk rejection.