I would love to have these problems!

[RodeRange]

I read threads with fascination, all the common issues and problems that seem to come up. It's like a foreign planet to me.

I left school at 14, I was very ill. I recovered but sadly lost every friend I had. In my 20s, I lost my DM who was my only family. No siblings, no aunts, uncles, grandparents.

I met DH when I was 23 and we married, he has no family either apart from a brother who lives in Canada. Fast forward - we forged our own business together which has done very well financially, working life though is just us, no colleagues.

I'm a friendly, warm person and throughout life I made the odd friend via hobbies but never had a group of friends or been close to anyone. I do have agoraphobic tendencies that I've had since I was poorly which I fight every day.

I've never been to a wedding, never been invited to a BBQ, or to dinner with a friend, or a birthday party. I've never spent Christmas with more than one person (either Mum or DH). I'm invisible, not needed by anyone.

I decided not to have children because I feel like a broken person with my past, and a broken parent is no good for a child. I read that it takes a village to raise a child, and I don't have a village.

I just wanted to say that I'd love to have some of the problems I read on here...I'm so envious of your full, busy lives filled with people and purpose.

I'd swap all the money I have to know what it's like to belong, to feel included, to feel part everything.

Your problems sound absolutely horrific, running a successful business, in a successful relationship, being able to do whatever the fuck you want with no responsibilities to tie you down. How absolutely awful for you 🙄🙄🙄🙄

During quiet times I like to read Mumsnet because it reminds me what to expect next time I get out there.

Oh god be careful with that! Mumsnet is not the real world!

that’s the thing, making friends is similar to dating, there are going to be a lot of failures and that needs resilience. I’ve moved to new places a long way from where I grew up a few times and it does take 3-4 years for me to make a close friend.

and people that are from an area very often have a large network and aren’t that open to new people - I posted online for people new to the area and that worked for me.

Yes @RodeRange people can be much more judgmental and critical on Mumsnet than IRL - and some of us log on when we’re tired, bored, have had a shit day, are feeling ill and avoiding doing some chore etc…

That's so sad, but a lot of this so if your choosing? You run your own business rather than going to work where you could meet people. You chose not to have children, and a large number of friendships can be formed at activities that are based around children's activities (NCT, nursery committees, primary school committees, sports clubs etc).

I lived the other side of the world to my family for nearly 20 years and it was hard but I chose different options to you and had a lovely group of friends. It wasn't easy, but it's something you have to work at.

Some people are horrible on here 🤬

Probably a weird suggestion, but why don't you and your husband play Pokémon. I don't play much now, but when I did me and husband would go out and play and meet others that played. Joined a what's app group to arrange to go to events etc. Made some really good friends. Moved areas then stopped playing due to lockdown, but my husband still plays and joins groups of people playing on event days. Every place have a community of people that play Pokémon and it's actually really nice as they are very welcoming.

You mention that you didn’t have children, as you are a “broken person” due to your past, but, your post does not read like you’ve had the kind of past that would leave someone “broken”. A bit lonely, I get… but “broken” ?

I'm so grateful for the positive things I do have - that's exactly it, I'm missing on connection, community, feeling I belong.

Any practical advice is much appreciated, I'm taking on board everything being posted.

I’m sorry @Whatswhatwhichiswhich that the OP’s problems of loneliness and isolation don’t fit your stringent criteria for what a problem should look like 🙄 You know everyone isn’t the same right? And that we all have different lives and problems?

You have a husband, how can you feel like you don’t ’belong’.
What could people who are only just friends give you, more than a husband?

I think this more about how you feel on the inside, not about friends and being a guest in someone else’s wedding.

I wish I had a lovely husband !

Seriously though, most people I know and am friends with now are through me putting myself out there volunteering at animal & wildlife charities, and more recently through fostering children with respite care.
For different reasons to you, I don’t have that large circle of family, colleagues, and old friends.

Is this something you’d fancy doing ?

oh I get it - I was very lucky to meet someone when very young but both of us have realised the need to have a few friends and what they add to your life as we’ve gotten to 40ish.

my dh hates theatre, I can’t do hiking - we both have friends that like doing these things.

@NameAU1 - you can’t think what friends give you if you have a husband?

support
a different perspective
fun times
companion for hobbies

my husband has played football for best part of 30 years - I have no interest in that. He wouldn’t be able to play without friends

I enjoy books so have been to book clubs, he has limited interest in books.

if you meet friends at work you have work/people at work in common

I felt like that when I was depressed. What helps me is every day being grateful that my loved ones are safe and well

Friends bring so much more than a husband surely? Or if not more, just something different? I think people are being a bit harsh on you op. I get it. I’m lonely much of the time too.

I'm rubbish baking biscuits and I'm lucky to have a decent garden so I'm completely up for this!

I'm in (beautiful) mid Wales! And I'm genuinely touched for my first BBQ invite - even to have an invite - thank you.

I really hope you're okay (mentioning surgery); I know there are many, many more important things, like health, to be grateful for; offering an un-MN hug and the very best wishes. 💐

You're so right - it really is all relative and I could definitely be more grateful for all the good I do have in my life, rather than focusing on what I feel I don't have/missing out on.

I've appreciated all the replies, thank you for posting and I hope you're okay.

I think often friends give a different aspect to life than a partner.
I'm married but I would be so lonely without my 2 best friends.

OP I met one of my best friends online, if you want to widen your social circle are there any local groups where you live you could join?
Where do you live perhaps some MNs might know social activities in your area? Could you volunteer somewhere to widen your social circle?
I would find it very isolating just to have my husband (who would I moan about him to 😆)
Loneliness is very difficult, do you have any hobbies or interests that you could meet others through?

You sound like a really lovely person.

I know you said you didn't feel like you could give a good family to kids. But I really think you would have brought so much to their lives and them to yours.

Would you consider fostering or adoption?

But what if you didn't have any loved ones?