I would love to have these problems!

[RodeRange]

I read threads with fascination, all the common issues and problems that seem to come up. It's like a foreign planet to me.

I left school at 14, I was very ill. I recovered but sadly lost every friend I had. In my 20s, I lost my DM who was my only family. No siblings, no aunts, uncles, grandparents.

I met DH when I was 23 and we married, he has no family either apart from a brother who lives in Canada. Fast forward - we forged our own business together which has done very well financially, working life though is just us, no colleagues.

I'm a friendly, warm person and throughout life I made the odd friend via hobbies but never had a group of friends or been close to anyone. I do have agoraphobic tendencies that I've had since I was poorly which I fight every day.

I've never been to a wedding, never been invited to a BBQ, or to dinner with a friend, or a birthday party. I've never spent Christmas with more than one person (either Mum or DH). I'm invisible, not needed by anyone.

I decided not to have children because I feel like a broken person with my past, and a broken parent is no good for a child. I read that it takes a village to raise a child, and I don't have a village.

I just wanted to say that I'd love to have some of the problems I read on here...I'm so envious of your full, busy lives filled with people and purpose.

I'd swap all the money I have to know what it's like to belong, to feel included, to feel part everything.

Outstanding. I used to help out family friends with their NGS for > 20 years. Post-COVID, they've moved and their current garden is still being established so they're not going to open again.

20+ years of serving teas and baking for NGS openings at your service. 😀

I feel for you, OP. I know a woman very much like you.
Her DH is her only real ally, her family aren’t very good to her. It’s lonely for her, especially now she has health problems.

I agree that we can often take things in life for granted. My DH is hard work… But I have a gorgeous son, a very social job. A brother I can have a pint with. Girlfriends. And my Mum & Dad.

OP, have you ever done serious therapy and really worked to analyse the be,Ives about yourself you have (not that surprisingly) retained from your early illness? It sounds to me as if it could really benefit you, and help you centre yourself so you can make and retain friendships. I grew up with two friendless, isolated parents with some very odd ideas about friendships and had to work very hard to ‘unlearn them’. I’m in therapy now, at 51, and learning a lot that is useful and making a measurable difference to my life and relationships.

This…

I’m sorry, OP; I have no words of wisdom for you but as a PP said, it’s never too late. You sound lonely, and loneliness is hard. (And different from being alone, of course.) I hope other posters on this thread might be able to offer more practical advice, but I just wanted to send a virtual hug… x

I am sorry for your circumstances. I agree it is lonely.

I am a first gen immigrant. I have had no village to raise my family. All my family live elsewhere. and I have only lived with DH most of my life. We have also moved around a lot. I do have a sibling in another country and we keep in touch, but rarely see each other. I had children anyway , village or not, and raised them myself.

Do you work? Volunteer? Join clubs? This is where I have found my community. I work very hard at it.

Read your post more carefully. You said you had hobbies. Why not invite anyone you meet there to a meal out? Or even a casual coffee if that is easier? Or a movie? Is it the agoraphobia that gets in the way? if so, you will have to tackle that first.

Aaargh. Please ignore my second post. I somehow forgot to read your updates. I wish MN had an edit button.