To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?

[fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft]

I live on a new build estate and a group of neighbours have for,ed a nice friendship group. On Saturday afternoon one of the group hosted a small bbq , planned from 3-9. There were 10 of us to begin with but people drifted off . We were sat around a table in the garden, the Alexa speaker on the doorstep playing the radio but not loudly as we were all chatting.

At 7pm a bloke appeared at the back gate to say he was trying to get his 1 year old to bed and would we turn the music off. We did but continued to sit in the garden .

At 8 pm a post appeared on the community Facebook page saying that people having bbqs were selfish and had no regard for parents trying to put their little,ones to bed in weather we were not equipped for and with no option to close their windows .

I responded simply saying peaceful enjoyment of your own garden is not prohibited, that yes they did have an option to close the windows and this was the first bbq my friends have had in the 2 years they've lived there , that we weren't exactly having a rave , that we all have or had children, that having kids doesnt give you autonomy to tell others what to do and that if they didn't want to hear other people living on an estate wasnt a good idea.
I also said we were planning on moving inside the house at 9pm
Then the insult's started. I did respond (I know I shouldn't have) saying perhaps if anyone had an issue they could come and knock on the door and discuss it like adults instead of being keyboard warriors.someone
Posted a copy of the councils nuisance noise policy ( which ironically showed night hours to be between 11pm and 7am ! ) this was 8 pm

More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on

Today the whinging post had been removed

What the fuck is wrong with people ? It was a sedate afternoon bbq consisting of 10 people aged 35 ~ 50, not an all night rave !
Aibu ?

if it was every night you would have a point. As it was one night - you don't.

@fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft

Would you like to invite us to a nice evening bbq, we'll come out nice noisy 1200cc motorcycle.

Honestly there are some very intolerant moaners around. My neighbours have bbq's, trampolines etc and I wouldn't dream of moaning, not even about the toddler next door in the garden at 6.45 Saturday morning (it was hot!) meanwhile no one moans about my dd practicing piano, violin, singing or clarinet (she's pro level on all thankfully)

Well we arent having another . We're going out end of oct and we're all going to Oktoberfest early oct in Bavarian costumes😂. We're having a fancy dress New Year's party at mine (all neighbours invited) and possibly hiring a villa somewhere warm next summer

I had a cousin who had 15 children. The baby slept in the bassinet in the middle of everything. This cousin's thought was: this baby (whichever one it was) has to learn to sleep against the noise.

Depends which direction the smoke is blowing.
9 seems reasonable, though.

“To think that having a bbq on a Saturday afternoon is perfectly acceptable?”

7pm isn’t afternoon though is it OP?

I would guess you were probably being a lot louder and more selfish than you thought you were. Why else would the neighbour have complained? I doubt he thought “oh the neighbours are quietly having a nice time”, let me go and complain about that.

Your behaviour on FB probably shows you to be the kind of person the complaining neighbour thought you were: loud, brash, common and sweary.

And sounds to me like you were showing off to your friends on the FB post. But just showed yourself up. If everyone on there bar one was saying you were in the wrong, then maybe accept that you were in the wrong.

It’s obviously fine to have a bbq on a Saturday evening

its kind of tough luck if the kid can’t get to sleep. They cant expect the world to stop, on a hot sunny day, at 7pm for their kid’s bed time

totally bonkers

You didn’t need to reply to the FB post. Next time just say ignore as neighbour made themself look a right pillock but by retaliating, you have also made yourself look a bit silly

Loud brash common and sweary?

You got that from one post ? 😂. I'm actually really not . But ok

YANBU
Xxx

You are not being unreasonable but also remember what it is like trying to get a little one to sleep. You don't know what else is going on in this family's life. Stressed parents, hot evenings and feeling like everyone is out having fun while you are getting a grizzly child to bed is enough to spark a flame.

Personally, I don't think it is ok to have a speaker outdoors because you are saying our background music is more important than our neighbours peace and quiet. But I do think that neither of you were really unreasonable when it comes to the clash over the chatting in the back yard. Its just not reconcilable, and a bit of compassion for a stressed parent is probably not a bad thing.

YWNBU

If I'd seen a post like that at that time over a casual, low key BBQ on a Saturday afternoon, I'd have turned the music back on immediately.

@fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft
Is it the same folk who let their kids scream in the garden or kick a ball at your fence?? I bet it is! Millennials who think the world revolve round them and theirs
I would have turned the bass up just to be annoying back

A copper coming round definitely isn’t the worst thing that could happen.

My selfish neighbours regularly party in their garden until the early hours … picture 3 teenagers and all their mates most weekends and other weekends when the teens aren’t partying, the parents host their own loud friends. We are talking loud music, karaoke, shouting, cars then coming and going etc until at least 2am. So with that said I wish you were my neighbour! YNBU 🙏

YANBU at all. We have had 3 or 4 barbecues this summer, going on way later than 7pm and we probably did get a bit noisy with the drinks flowing later in the night and we had music on til at least 11. Several of our neighbours have done the same at different times, none of us have ever thought to complain to one another, we live in a housing estate not a monastery.

I live on an estate with tiny gardens and we're all on top of each other and hear everything.

It's absolutely fine and normal to:

• have a bbq
• be annoyed by others having a bbq
• make noise
• be annoyed by others making noise
• be friendly with neighbours
• not be friendly with neighbours

What was wrong was all trashy social media chat and telling each other off online.

The problem is always that different people living in close proximity have different needs and expectations, and cannot expect everybody to cater to all of them. There can always be somebody with a long-planned party of a lifetime, while somebody else is suddenly on their deathbed.

One person's freedom is another's nuisance. In practice, the law and the council provide outside limits, and only an estate scheme/ landlord's regulations/ restrictive covenants can apply within those limits.

There is no "correct" answer to what is reasonable. The only partial solution is democratically to agree by some sort of meeting, concensus or vote, to determine, and announce in advance, which freedoms are going to be limited. The local Council usually has no powers to decide anything, although they may pretend arrogant powers, or enforce their policy in byelaws, tenancy agreements and planning conditions. EQUALLY, a Landlord, Employer or other Authority may impose rules.

Sadly, some neighbours will always opt out, and the law of freedom will generally support them. After that, unofficial sanctions, ill-will and even violence may develop.

Ideally everyone should establish and know the local practice/regime/regulations/ customs, before they choose whether to move in. Hence all the extravagant litigation about cricket balls and church bells.

There IS no "right" answer, so URNotBU.

Of course Facebook is ridiculous. By reacting as you did, you too were and are being ridiculous, irrespective of your, his and anyone else's opinions on what is an acceptable noise level a that time of the evening.

Had you not gone on Facebook, or gone on but chosen not to react, you would have had an enjoyable evening without any negativity. Instead you chose to engage in an immature slanging match. Even more ridiculous if it was alcohol fuelled.

Your own actions are the cause of your unhappiness.

@fabmaccawhackythumbsaloft The Oktoberfest in Munich, or an Oktoberfest event in a random location?
If it's the former I'm jealous, not so much if it's the latter.

effi

Where did I say I'm unhappy?

I'm happier than I've been in years !

"More insults . Gifs with popcorn . Someone said " i suggest you blah blah blah blah blah .
I lost it . I said I suggest you fuck off before I turn the music back on"

So, because of your reaction, you were insulted multiple times, and in your words "lost it" and told someone to fuck off.

That doesn't really sound like a happy ending ?

My initial reaction was to point out that an afternoon bbq reasonable, only after several insults did I react , badly granted

But the outcome didn't render me unhappy, the poster removed their post

It didn't really affect my happiness either way

Argh I hate it when people play this radios outside even if I love the music it drives me nuts

but that’s just me don’t mind the chatter I actually quite like voices of people enjoying themselves… but if you were my neighbour I’d want to jump on your speaker and drop kick the bits into a skip