HOLIDAY/BIRTH CERT CRISIS 😩

[OHFUCKCRAP]

Name changed incase anyone can link me to previous posts.

IM PANICKING.

me and my dd age 7 are due to go abroad in 2.5 weeks. We have different surnames and I’m seperated from her father. Got his permission to take her out the country and he’s going to provide a letter no problem.

On the gov website it says I need her birth certificate to prove I’m her mother. Lovely ! Collect it from my stepdad (he keeps all my important documents always has done) and he’s fucking LAMINATED it 😩😩😩 so god knows what they are going to do if they ask for it.

I go back on the gov website to order a new one that is posted the next working day. AMAZING. Only I’m putting in her details TIME AND TIME again and nothing is coming up. Can’t even find her on the GRO index.

I’ve rambled and I’m sorry but WHAT DO I DO NOW?!! She has had a very shit year and if they turn us away her heart will break 😩😩😩

YES!!!! Alert MI6 IMMEDIATELY!!!!!! notify the king. I will not stop until it’s out of the laminate!!!!

Thank you. Little girls disappearing to a country where they will likely suffer FGM and certainly a forced marriage is truly a living nightmare.

💔💔💔💔 I am so sorry to you and you’re family. I pray you all find peace and get those kids back.

I’m so sorry this happened to you. Unfortunately as a country we do not have exit checks so there are no immigration checks on children (or anyone) leaving the UK.

OP - it is a recommendation not law.
Have some photos and expect a bunch of patronising comments from the official. The belief it protects children is rubbish - men travel with their DCs without issue because their surnames match - yet more men abduct children than women - who get asked.

Any lone adult travelling with a child should have to prove they have permission. It is a disgrace that it isn't done.

How would that stop anything? Child traffickers work in pairs too, you know?

But you say you can ask questions so the truth is you don't bother and children get abducted.

@Firsttimecaller you are very kind! It's my favourite bit of mumsnet when people help like that.

If I wasn't on the app (and so lacking the ability) I'd thank you!

If a couple are travelling with their child one of them is going to have the same name, if the other doesn't have the same name then they should produce the birth certificate to show they are the other parent. In an ideal world the adult or adults with a child should have to show the birth certificate and written permission if one of the parents isn't present. Is that too much to ask to protect children?

I'm really sorry to hear the reasons why your step dad had to laminate it.

I just assumed he had a laminator and was enjoying laminating things - something which I 100% understand 😁

You probably won't even get asked OP. I've travelled with my kids (we have same surname) without DH and it's been fine, although they are little carbon copies of me in fairness. It never occurred to me to have written permission from DH, I will make sure I have in future.

This thread is classic Mumsnet. Gone from asking re birth certificate to getting a telling off for giving your kid the wrong parent's surname! An excellent lesson to ask Reddit next time 😉

You do not need an actual birth certificate at the border. Take a picture with your phone of an actual laminated bc and if they ask, show them the picture. Depending on your child's age, they might not even ask for a birth certificate- if an officer is satisfied that you are her mother (they usually ask the child), they will wave you through.

it’s not unusual for children to have their fathers last name for Christ sake

Traditionally children are given their mothers name. If she’s married the children then receives the fathers name.

an acquaintance remarried so she took her new dh’s name.

so when they travel both adults have a different name to the two kids who have their dads name.

so it’s not always the case that an adult will have the same name 🤷‍♀️. She’s never ever asked for permission from the kids dad to go abroad either and never had an issue.

You should be able to order the certificate via the GRO link.

Work your way through:

Where was the event registered?

What type of event was it? and

When was the event registered?

then opt for

"I want to search for the reference in the GRO Indexes".

https://www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/login.asp

There's literally advice on the website about what to do if you can't find the certificate online. You just put all the details in about your DD, pay the fee as well as next day delivery and they will find it and send you a copy. Don't panic it will be fine. I had to do it for my son and it comes back very quickly even without paying for fast track. Also just FYI I have never been asked for my daughter's BC when we fly and I have a different surname to her. It will be ok, just breathe and get it ordered if it will help you feel more settled.

🤣🤣🤣👏👏👏

Very good OP!!

MN is odd sometimes.
Certain posters push for marriage but also say the dad shouldn’t be on the BC, they don’t think the child should have the dads surname or he shouldn’t have a say in any major decisions but they also think he should still pay maintenance and call him a bad dad if he goes out for the night.
Men can’t win on this site.

Contact the register office and order a new one?

Firstly you can change the child's name if you want anyway, regardless of whether you're married or not

Secondly none of this has anything to do with OP's dilemma and is just an obsession of some people on this site about children not having father's names (which they would anyway, most of the time, if a couple are married so its a moot point)

Thirdly there is nothing wrong with children having a father's surname, why would it or should it automatically be the mother's, theres no logic to either argument, it will be one or the other. In other countries where surnames dont run as ours anyway its different again.

Traditionally when?

Ive researched hundreds of years back in my genealogy and found many a child who does not have a father on the birth certificate or does have a father listed but the couple are not married.

Some of those people have the mothers surname, some of those people have their fathers surname, its not consistently the mother only.

Feeling a lot calmer today. Unfortunately when I run on empty I don’t see things clearly. It doesn’t mean I thrive on drama nor does it mean I am highly strung. My little girl has faced a lot of heartache this past 12 months and has even had surgery so no I don’t want to disappoint her and that’s okay to panic over as a mother.

I won’t apologise or feel bad for giving her her fathers surname. He was a great partner and an amazing dad up until he did what he did. I’ve also asked her if she would like to take my name and she has said no she wants to stay as she is. Which again is totally fine.

I didn’t really need to explain why my stepdad has my important documents but I won’t be torn apart by others ignorance and plain nastiness just because I don’t do things their way. Life isn’t black and white, shit happens. Who are any of you to judge how I live my life? And who are any of you to come on here and tear another mother down?

lastly I just want to say thank you to all of those who kindly went above and beyond to help me. There really are some kind mumsnetters! I’m going to order a new one, and if it doesn’t come in time take the laminated one, along with her red book and a letter from her dad.

p.s- she loves her new name.

Is this thread still going? Such a lot of fuss over nothing.

You must be really bored to come back to it and leave a POINTLESS comment 🤔

A pointless comment on a pointless thread.