Year 7 journey to school - at risk?

[MrsGoldfish1980]

My son has just started secondary school. Having originally suggested he would take him to school, my ex is now stating that, on the days when he is at his house- our son will make a solo cycle and train journey. (Cycle on city roads, train, cycle again) I can see that in a few years, this would be beneficial for my son. However, I think he’s too little right now. He is small for his age physically, and finds organisation really tricky. I have asked that we wait until he’s a bit older. My ex is refusing to consider an alternative. I’ve offered to pick my son up on my way to work on one day - ex has refused. My ex will be driving out of the city when my son is making this journey. I will be at work. I am terrified of my son getting hit by a car or mugged as neither of us being able to help him because we are not near. I realise the risk is low, but the risks are there all the same. At primary, the school gave us a warning of fixed penalty notice because my son was late on days at his dads. His father relied on his new partner to drop my son AFTER her own children, which made my son late. What can I do? Where can I go for help?
I don’t understand why my ex doesn’t want to protect our son or consider a compromise. Can anyone suggest what I can do to prevent my child being sent on this journey?? I feel physically sick when I think of it and how I wouldn’t even know if he got into difficulty.

How can your ex refuse you picking him up and taking him? Just do it.

How far away from your house does your ex live?

If he was walking and train I would be fine with this. It's the bike that worries me, huge amounts of kids, students and people all going to work and school how would he manage to get a bike on the train? You normally have to book a bike space but would this even be an option at this time?

Check the train company - if it's a commuter service he won't be allowed to take his bike.

How long would the journey be with and without the train from ex's? How long from yours? Is it time to amend the contact schedule?

A 15/20 minute drive. He says that it is insane to wake him up earlier so he can come here first and walk from here.

How does your son feel about it?

Last week he cried and said he wasn’t ready. Since then his Dad has told him it’s happening so he’s accepting it.

You just take him (for now). He can’t physically stop you.

I think he can take the bike. But he has to take it down two flights of metal steps. He’s so little 😢

If your son is not comfortable, I would collect him.

This sounds really stressful for ds. I would just take him. Your ex can't refuse ffs 🙄i would just do it anyway, there is no way I'd put ds through that

Yanbu I walked, train, walked when I was 11 but no way would I have cycled. We were in a small town, not a city. And it was 30 years ago so less traffic.

Contact days need to change. Your son is old enough to have his voice heard. I would not allow this. He is putting his need to exercise power and stress you out, over your son's needs. What an arse.

Wow - you really have summed it up exactly. Thank you. I feel like I’m going mad.

Oh, the issue is he won’t let me pick him up. He won’t let me take him from their house.

Walk/train/walk is fine but the bike is going to be a problem imo. (I assume that there's steps and it's a crowded train) Your ex can't stop you doing the school run on his days.

Pick him up from the end of the road?

Spot on!

Pick him from the corner of the house then. He can’t stop you doing that. What an arse hole

Is your son used to cycling?

I wouldn't be happy with an inexperienced 11yo on city roads.

Can he manage his school bag, PE kit, musical instrument, cooking ingredients etc on a bike?

I would try the approach of letting ex find out for himself if its stupid. I sometimes find males just have to try something to get it out of their system + be willing to change their minds or compromise.

If son is willing, let them trial this journey, but with a huge caveat. That your ex helps him build up to it. Tell ex has to go with son on this journey to make sure son can manage it, either on the first day he tries it (yes ex will have to be late for work!) or on a trial run. There and back! Having to do the journey, ex may suddenly realise there are issues (like the bike up + down stairs!). This will likely make your ex problem solve for alternatives, like maybe he could drop son at the station. This caveat may mean its delayed a few weeks. If ex won't trial it or son hates it, either insist on picking him up in the morning or even the night before, until you settle on how he gets to school from your ex's. It is your ex that has changed his mind about driving your son, he has to prove a reasonable alternative.
Also try not to worry. When kids start secondary, they grow up so fast. Many new things are thrown at them + they take them in their stride. My son started this week. 4 days later, he + his friends seem so settled in, its like they've been there years. They were running 2 mins early on Friday, so all lolled about at my house like teenagers chatting about their timetables. It was like they'd had timetables for years! Suddenly all so grown up!
You could be pleasantly surprised that your son can cope with this journey earlier than you think. It may work out with that bit of guidance and support to get to grips with it. Or some variation. Or not + you can prep to be ready with plan B.
Good luck!

Those are concerns, yes. He will struggle with all the kit and could be a target in his blazer. He currently looks like a smart wee innocent Year 7. I could tell him to wear a coat to look a bit more streetwise but he’ll forget.

I would also question the reliability of the train - so many strikes recently.
If dropped at the station, a bus may be an alternative. Not really a viable alternative with a bike as well. I assume it's too far to cycle the whole way?

Pick him up from a couple of roads away. Or he catches a bus from the station (there aren't many schools without bus links). And then maybe his bike gets 'stolen' or he loses the padlock key by the end of the week?

Or see what the school say. Some are very clear that bikes are not wanted due to the roads involved.

Thanks for your reassurance. His Dad has taken him a couple of times. They arrived as their train was pulling away. Luckily his Dad then drove them. If my son had been alone he’d have had to get on the next best train and been late. It seems like so much extra when he’s already dealing with the school itself.

Too far to cycle the whole way, and he’d be on major city roads.