Year 7 journey to school - at risk?

[MrsGoldfish1980]

My son has just started secondary school. Having originally suggested he would take him to school, my ex is now stating that, on the days when he is at his house- our son will make a solo cycle and train journey. (Cycle on city roads, train, cycle again) I can see that in a few years, this would be beneficial for my son. However, I think he’s too little right now. He is small for his age physically, and finds organisation really tricky. I have asked that we wait until he’s a bit older. My ex is refusing to consider an alternative. I’ve offered to pick my son up on my way to work on one day - ex has refused. My ex will be driving out of the city when my son is making this journey. I will be at work. I am terrified of my son getting hit by a car or mugged as neither of us being able to help him because we are not near. I realise the risk is low, but the risks are there all the same. At primary, the school gave us a warning of fixed penalty notice because my son was late on days at his dads. His father relied on his new partner to drop my son AFTER her own children, which made my son late. What can I do? Where can I go for help?
I don’t understand why my ex doesn’t want to protect our son or consider a compromise. Can anyone suggest what I can do to prevent my child being sent on this journey?? I feel physically sick when I think of it and how I wouldn’t even know if he got into difficulty.

Can you get up earlier, drive to your ex and collect your son? That's what I would do.

What do you mean he "won't let you"? Just turn up and pick him up.

Could you do the journey with your son on a bike as well, for the first few weeks, to see if it is indeed feasible snd help ease him in - don't station's have to have lifts?

That’s exactly what I’ve asked to do. It’d mean me crossing the city twice before 8am but I’d do it. My ex has said ‘no’ point blank. I’d have to get there as my ex was leaving & he’d probably physically stop me. He’s a bully

He wouldn’t open the door or let my son come to me if he didn’t want him to.

Arrange to meet your son a street away from his dads house, with bike if necessary.

Have they actually tried to get the bike on the train at that time in the morning? Sounds a nightmare. How far is the school from the station. Is there an option to leave the bike at the start station and walk from the destination station to school. A

Then leave it at that until things are resolved. No point putting your anxiety onto ds. Is there no bus he could get?

I agree with PP's, no way would I except or feel comfortable with an 11 year old making this journey, especially as he isn't comfortable with it himself.

If your Ex really is being as much of a dick about not letting you pick your DS up as you say he is, can you arrange to pick your DS up around the corner from Ex's house in the mornings, and drive him to school from there?

Arrange with DS to meet him at the end of the road and drive him to school.

It doesn’t have to be a secret from exH - he can’t stop you - But if DS agrees you could keep it between you.

What a horrible father.

One way to 'simplify' would be to have 2 bikes. Leave one at station A, collect the other at B. Doesn't solve the cycling issue. How long would the cycle bits take to walk (or scoot)?

Depending on the city this plan might only last 48 hours before one bike or both is stolen

Round here, bikes get stolen from the station all the time, so if he got there and Bike A had gone he'd be stuffed. I think you should avoid him having to take a bike on the train though - it's rush hour, there are tons of adults stressing to catch their train - they won't necessarily be sympathetic to an 11 year old.
You need to change your contact days so he is with you on a school night

Would a scooter be an option instead of a bike? Appreciate the journey would be longer.

It is a lot for your son on top of a new school. And it is ridiculous how your ex isn't willing to let you pick him up. Sadly we can't fully protect our kids from the crap of their other parent. Your ex may be putting his foot down but he hasn't thought it through. Rainy days? Dark mornings? Keep being as supportive as you are being. Keep offering alternatives even if they get shut down. I say to my kids I can't explain your dad's behaviour + I can't change, we just have to focus on what we can do + figure out something that works for us regardless.

I would speak to the school and ask for their help they would want him to have a safe journey in.

Go and collect him and if this abusive bully of a father tries to stop you then ring the police and tell them it's a safeguarding concern. Willfully preventing a child's right to education would be considered neglect.

I too would be hugely concerned about that journey, especially as the daylight hours shorten and he'd be doing it in the dark.

Yes this might be a good option. He may listen to the school in a way he won’t listen to you.

Yes this and also a good time to pre-warn the school that exH is going to unreasonable and a pain for them to deal with in the future no doubt

Thank you. Unfortunately, bikes likely to be stolen if left at city stations. I’m wary of my son cycling solo on the roads nearby because we live in a big city and he’s small for his age. If his Dad sends him out like that, I won’t necessarily even know. I start work at 8am latest. I’m looking for advice about who could help me get a message through to ex.???

Does your son have a phone? Could you arrange to pick him up somewhere away from his father’s house without his knowledge, at least until you can sort out a longer term plan?

Speaking to the school might be your best next step here - particularly if it’s making your son anxious about going in - and potentially late as well as needing to store a bike there.

How many days a week is he going to school from his dads?

Me neither . He’s already got the stress of starting a new school. Please don’t put him through it. I couldn’t do it to my 12 year old .