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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to stop DD going to this house because of the dog?

336 replies

gonaenodaethat · 03/03/2008 11:38

My DD is 5 and in reception. She is very fond of another little girl who has been to play at our house several times.
When her daddy came to pick her up last time he said 'We'll arrange for you to come to ours soon' to DD.
However I know that they have one of those Staffordshire Bull Terrier type dogs and I'm just not happy to take the chance of DD being around it.
So, do I make an excuse when they ask and not let her go or should I broach the subject with the parents and ask them to keep her away from it?
Or am I just being precious and slightly ignorant?

OP posts:

whatme · 03/03/2008 16:57

I had a very similar situation with dd age 7, I was very worried about it. Mum was lovely I just explained to her that as dd was not used to dogs and had not had much contact she was not very comfortable with them, therefore I was concerned about this and not sure how she might react with the dog. The Mum assured me that the dog was always kept in another room when the children had friends round. She was lovely and understanding of the fears of this kind of dog.

stleger · 03/03/2008 17:03

Wannabe, I live near the Irish guide dog centre so we have a lot of trainees near us. I am not allowed to touch them, now my kids tell me off for smiling at trainee guide dogs! Staffie owners must be used to 'pit bull' comments?

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:04

Don't leave wannabe, please!!

Your dog is a guide dog and very well trained - my dogs (well lab at mo and other one presently) are (nearly) as well trained as guide dogs.

Rosegarden you are being out of order although maybe you didn't know wannabe was blind.

can I just say though I am more scared of cats generally but people don't generally check whether I'm ok with them when I go into their house and the only animal that has ever hurt my dds is a cat - we have the scars to prove it! cats are more than capable of taking an eye out I would imagine!

seeker · 03/03/2008 17:10

This is interesting. At our school ther is a year 5,teacher for a marble treat teacher brought her lovely mongrel into the class room on a Friday afternoon and they used to go out on the fireld and have a game of football with her. It was brilliant - the teacher always checked for allergies and so on, and kept the dog, who was very well trained, under close supervision. She taught a lot of timid children to overcome their fear. This went on for several years - children used to look forward to getting to year 5 so they could play with Sasha. The one parent complained - said it was "innapropriate" and it had to stop. Very sad.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:13

Which snide comment? I can't see a snide comment - although I find calling wannabe unapproachable and unreasonable quite nasty.

No one has been mocking you Rose. It's just, as you say, a different opinion but not allowing your child anywhere near any dogs is, in my opinion, fairly unfair on your daughter.

Do you allow her into houses with cats? spiders? snakes? I can't see how the reference to cars, roads etc is confusing. You can't protect your child from every single danger out there but you can trust responsible dog owners to put your daughter's welfare before a dog!

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:14

that's tragic seeker my lab is called Sacha as well

chamaeleon · 03/03/2008 17:17

tbh wannabe if i was you i would be more annoyed at the inconsiderate owners who do not train or control their dogs than the people who have concerns about safety. we dont just decide that perfectly harmless creatures are dangerous, there is lots of evidence that some dogs are not safe around kids. i would assume that a guide dog is well trained so i would not have the same problem with sending my kids to that house. the problem is a lot of dogs are not trained and you cant tell which are and which arent. instead of beng annoyed at people who have perfectly rational concerns, get annoyed at the people who let their dogs run riot and give all of them a bad name!

RubyRioja · 03/03/2008 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:26

That's the thing isn't it really - there are loads of great responsible dog owners out there and far too many who aren't and I do get angry at those people because they give us all a bad name. Surely though you can go round and see how someone is with their dog and get to know the family before banning all playdates just because there is a dog?

My bf was petrified of dogs before I got ours and virtually forced her into confronting her fear - she now is all over the dogs and was cuddling the new Giant last week - I never thought I'd see that in a million years!

lucyellensmum · 03/03/2008 17:30

i used to be a vet nurse, was bitten twice, by labradors, never by a staff

beansmum · 03/03/2008 17:38

(saferpets.co.uk acually recommends staffies as good dogs to have with children)

Eeek · 03/03/2008 17:48

I have cats so not quite the same but if someone has any worries or simply doesn't like cats I remove them from the area. In my opinion they are only animals and people are more important. I don't care if it's a rational worry or irrational - people have a right to feel comfortable in my home if they've been kind enough to visit. I would be mortified if people didn't feel able to say they had a worry and it's often the first thing I ask when new people come. However don't say (as my midwife did) "Oh no. Devil cats" and stand by the door the whole time.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:49

The thing is a dog is only as good as its owner, regardless of breed - people take on dogs that are 'good with children' and expect not/ can't be bothered, to have to do any work.

Dogs need constant, ongoing training and consistency (much like dcs) and if they don't get a strict, boundaried environment where they are where they should be in the pecking order (ie last) then you will have problems.

beansmum · 03/03/2008 17:52

yes, and I suppose it comes down to whether you trust the parents to be responsible and keep the dog under control.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 17:59

Exactly Bean, and if you don't trust the parents to be responsible wrt their dog then what is your child doing there in the first place?

It amazes me that people think nothing of letting their child travel in a car with a different parent to or from school or a playdate, or even walk home and cross roads with someone, yet will not allow their child to go to a house with a dog - just doesn't make sense to me at all.

HappyMummyOfOne · 03/03/2008 18:06

I'm not keen on dogs and a play date where a dog lived would worry me a little but I would ask if the dog is left indoors etc so that I could make an informed choice.

However, all irrelevant at the moment as DS has only just turned 5 and playdates havent come up yet apart from once at home. He's still too young to go alone and until I was confident and knew the parents well I wouldnt let him go alone.

A guide dog is obviously a different kettle of fish.

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 18:07

Wisteria - I agree with your comments completely.

And, as for RoseGarden... I am ed that anyone has your attitude to guide dogs in this day and age! You wouldn't be missed in my house either.

wannaBe · 03/03/2008 18:24

Apologies for going off on one .

I would always try to be sensitive to other peoples? fears of dogs and of course would never force my dog on to anyone. In fact I?ve had conversations with people when going to their houses and they?ve said to me ?do you mind if I pick you up? Because my dog doesn?t like other dogs? and of course that?s perfectly fine with me.

But actually I think my dog has helped a lot of people overcome their fear, because while out he?s on a lead/in harnass, not running around, is under control at all times,and so children that have wanted to approach him have been able to do so in the knowledge that he?s not going to eat them. In fact a mum said to me recently ?x was so scared of dogs before you started going into class, but the other day he told me that he loves your dog.?. The children in class know that they?re not supposed to touch my dog because ?he?s working? (oh yes, working ever so hard while lying on the carpet having a nap ).

But imo there?s a difference between being able to voice your fears and address them, and just putting a blanket ban on all playdates that involve dogs without even having a rational discussion about it with the parent in question.

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 18:28

Wannabe.... You put things much more eloquently than me!!!

FioFio · 03/03/2008 19:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:08

the snide comment was reg when i was asked if i would keep(unsure if they meant dd or dogs?) away from cars/roads and men..being over the top and no relation to qiestion asked, question was about dogs and children having playdates with them in same room.

no obviously i did not know wannabee was blind or that her dog was a guide dog, in her post she said she takes her dog into class, to that is what i responded when i asked her if she really meant into class, as i do not 'know' wannabe i am not expected to know she is blind, therefor, no wannabe i dont have a problem with that, so your tough shit comment was unnesesary, some people on here DO NOT know each and every person, their life and their personal details.

there are people on here and locally to me who rate dogs above children in parks/houses and at school gates, so i stand by my first reply, me personally, i do not like dogs around children..there was another comment about having a problem with guide dogs, and if i were to stop my child going to a house with a guide dog i was being predjudiced?..in all honesty i do think of guide dogs as being calmer/gentler dogs, but theyre still dogs, i am not being predjudiced as its not as if i would only allow my dd to go to hosues with dogs that wern't to aid people.

ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:13

Wannabe, if your last post was directed at me, you have at no point asked me if i/my dd has a problem with dogs, what we have/will do to oevrcome these(if any) problems, if she's had a bad experience with one, if in the past she /i have been attacked by one, why she/i do not want them around..so please dont judge my choices and belittle me by suggesing i keep her out of cars, away from roads and men!

and to re-confirm as ive seen another post after mine, when you questioned me about children and dogs, at that point you had not told me you had guide dogs, otherwise i would have understood why you took them into the classroom, please dont make this about predjudice as like i said i do not know you, nor anything about you, we were/are all just voicing our opinions on wether or not the OP should/should not leave her child in a house with a boisterous dog.

ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:15

to youcannotbeserious and anyone else..i was not aware the dogs were guide dogs...i have already said this TWICE...stop being so disgusted and stop stirring it!

nkf · 03/03/2008 20:18

I wouldn't let mine go. The friend can come to our house.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 20:20

OK - so Rose you say you are ok with guide dogs but not other dogs - why not? My black lab is as well behaved as any guide dog and if you met her you may feel differently I think....judging all dogs on your previous experience is as bad as judging anyone for anything - they are all different.
(Photo of my lovely lab on profile )

I still think you were unnecessarily rude to wannabe irrespective of whether you knew she was blind or not.

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