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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to stop DD going to this house because of the dog?

336 replies

gonaenodaethat · 03/03/2008 11:38

My DD is 5 and in reception. She is very fond of another little girl who has been to play at our house several times.
When her daddy came to pick her up last time he said 'We'll arrange for you to come to ours soon' to DD.
However I know that they have one of those Staffordshire Bull Terrier type dogs and I'm just not happy to take the chance of DD being around it.
So, do I make an excuse when they ask and not let her go or should I broach the subject with the parents and ask them to keep her away from it?
Or am I just being precious and slightly ignorant?

OP posts:
ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:28

Wisteria, no, i was mocked and it was suggested i do not let my dd in cars, on roads or near men(men fgs why men??)..so i retaliated in the same way as which i was addressed.

and no i didnt say i WOULD allow playdates with children with guide dogs, i just said i DO perceive them as a more calmer dog, probably as they are so well trained and finely tuned to their owners needs, but they are still dogs, they are working a lot of the time and growing up we were always told not to touch/talk/stroke/get in the way of guide dogs, whose to say they might not get snappy if theyre tired/trying to do something for the owner etc

i have had dogs myself(two bullmastiffs believe it or not..shoot me down now)but i would have never let them roam around in park OR leave them in a room with a child, they were too big, un naturally strong and when playing would often 'play' bite you...i could have put my hand in their mouth and they wouldnt have really bit me..or so i thought..so i would never chance it with a child..the dogs lived with my mum and i NEVER took dd to my mums house while there were in/alive(both died within weeks of eachother)..so im not having a go an anyone here..i did this with my own family and they totally accepted my reasons.

but again, it is assumed i am 'making' my dd scared of all dogs and putting a 'blanket ban' on all playdates in houses with dogs..yet no one has pondered wether i/dd has reason to be like this, i dont expect anyone to be botherd, but dont jump on me for having a different valid opinion

hercules1 · 03/03/2008 20:36

We have dogs and it wouldnt bother me but this is because my kids know how to behave appropriately around dogs and also I would tbh assume they wouldnt be left alone and if very young probably not even be with teh dogs at all.

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 20:37

Look RG, you have your opinion, I have mine.....

BUT.... When on earth did anyone say we let our dogs 'roam around' or 'leave them in a room with a child'???????? I never leave my dog out of my sight. He's not even allowed in the garden unsupervised...

I trust my labrador with my life. I STILL wouldn't leave him alone with strangers. But, that's partly because he's a big sissy and would probably be scared!!!!!!!!!!

I'm not stirring it at all, RG, but I do think you should actually read what is being written, and not jump to a conclusion about what you think is being said, that's all. I know Wannabe as well as you do, but I figured it out from what she posted...

ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:46

for the 4th time, wannabee had not said "my dogs are guide dogs, i am blind" until i asked her why they were in the school, so your comment on about me being like this in this day and age was irrelevent, so please, you feel free to go back through and see in the order it is written.

whilst saying about my not wanting children to be in same room as dogs(the op's question, thats were i got that from) i also said i ALSO do not agree with dogs roaming around park or something along those lines.

i dont know YOU or live near you or visit you, although i see regardless of these facts, you have stated i am not welcome anyway..so why would it bother me if YOU think YOURE dogs are perfectly safe and wether YOU dont leave him out of your sight?
this thread is not about YOU, its about wether people (the OP) would want to leave their dc with people who have dogs..open discussion, yet you seem to be banging up your banner because i DONT want my dd around dogs???

cant really belive or understand WHY my opinion is so shocking?, but hey ho

ROSEgarden · 03/03/2008 20:50

and also, to save you reading back through all the psots, heres my first one...

ROSEgarden on Mon 03-Mar-08 16:23:08
havent read all psots so sorry if repeating, but i dont like dogs around children either so i wouldnt let dd go on playdate to house with dog..full stop..i wouldnt expect them to remove dog or even trust them to do it as its hthier dog why should they..so NO, playdates at yours all round then

stating dog owners should not be expected to remove their dogs, so if the op doesnt like them, keep the playdates to her house

Quattrocento · 03/03/2008 20:52

Just tell them politely that you are sure their dog is lovely but you feel too nervous about (make it your fault not their fault) it to let your DD go there.

And I have never let my children go to houses where there are dogs like that.

MaureenMLove · 03/03/2008 21:00

FWIW, I wouldn't be happy with my dd being around dogs either - Guide dogs or not. I have had personal experience, on two occasions, of the best trained dogs, turning on someone. One was the owner, another was a child. One dog was minding his own business, trying to keep cool on a very hot day and the owner unfortinately walked passed him and trod on his tail. She ended up having skin graphs on her leg to repair the damage it had done. It is a personal choice as to wether you are happy with mixing with dogs, personally, I'd rather not.

There is also the issue of something that licks its backside and then licks your hand! Yuck!

onebatmother · 03/03/2008 21:03

Haven't read whole thread but hte debate is v familiar to me, both from MN (remember the rottweiler thread a few weeks ago?) and RL.

Am in pretty much exactly the same position as OP at the mo.

Most dog-owners are not happy with you implying that their beloved pet could be a child-savager. In fact, they do seem to be as offended as if you'd suggest ed their dh could be a paedo.

So I don't think it's realistic to 'have a word'.

Dogs are often good with 'their' children, but utterly shite with someone else's.

Staffies jaws lock (and they have a tendency to go for throats/faces). They are balls of muscle, and could knock down an adult. Once victim is down, that's it - an adult would struggle to get the dog off.

So DS only goes to this family's house if I am there, so I can say, sorry, I'm nervous around dogs, could you poss put him in another room?

expatinscotland · 03/03/2008 21:04

I'm not a fan of dogs.

Especially after seeing my dad being attacked, unprovoked, but a neighbour's Alsatian when I was 8.

I can still remember his horrified yells at me, 'Run, EIS! Run home!'

There were scads of children out playing on that day, and he literally screamed at all of us to get home.

That dog would have killed a child.

He said that was all that went through his mind, that the dog would turn on me or one of the other children.

As it was, it caused him serious damage and he's had to undergo several operations.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2008 21:06

I would say she could go if I were there, too.

And then I wouldn't hesitate to tell them I'm weary of dogs because of what I saw happen.

My ILs have dogs, but they always lock them up upstairs when the DDs are there.

Or FIL takes them out for a walk if he's home.

FairyMum · 03/03/2008 21:09

I would only let her go if I knew and trusted the parents. If I didn't know the parents I would not let her go or maybe ask them, but dog owners can be so funny so not sure.....

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 21:12

I think you got the wrong end of the stick RG to be honest - you weren't being 'mocked' but to certain people (myself inc) blanket banning all dogs in the way that you have done, is saying that you don't take any risks, in which case you could say that to use a car, cross a road, entrust your child with a 'man' (that refers to recent thread as well I think).

You also flamed WB for having a different opinion to you whilst saying you were entitled to your opinion - of course you are. Each to their own etc etc.

nkf · 03/03/2008 21:13

The problem with listening to the owners' opinion is that dog lovers see dogs differently. All that "he's only playing" business. Even if the dog is a prize pain, they're like doting parents of delinquents.

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 21:14

AAAGh -tired .......with a 'man' is also taking an unnecessary risk....

PSCMUM · 03/03/2008 21:15

you are not being in any way ridiculous or ignorant, you are being really really sensible. My MILs partner has one and I just say that we will not be visitting the house if the dog is there. the dog stays at a neighbours house while we are there and comes back when we are gone. there is no way i would take the chance with one of those things. really fail to see why anyone has one - can anyone explain?!

Wisteria · 03/03/2008 21:17

People seem to be mixing Staffies up with dangerous dogs like pit bulls etc - they are not the same and are generally very docile loving dogs - usually very trustworthy around any children - but like any dog if they have a shit for brains owner they will not be a well behaved dog.

squimlet · 03/03/2008 21:18

YANBU a dog is a dog not matter what breed you need to be aware of a dogs instinct to protect his home. We have the soppiest dog in the world who adores the children and used to sleep in the basket under the pram when they were in there, but still he is a dog and there is that tiny element of 'what if?'
Explain your concerns. I as a dog owner would welcome a parent sharing their concerns with me rather than having to keep their child away because of it.
FYI I have a minature daschund (he is smaller than the cat)

onebatmother · 03/03/2008 21:21

Wisteria you are absolutely right that all dogs behave badly if they have shite owners.

I suppose my bottom line is that some dogs can do greater damage far more rapidly and unstoppably than others if they do behave badly, and I'd include staffies in that group.

PSCMUM · 03/03/2008 21:22

staffs are dangerous dogs.
check out how many children have died in dog related incidents in the last 3 years in the UK and find that all bar one have been staffs.

beansmum · 03/03/2008 21:26

I don't think that is true PSCMUM

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 21:27

Sorry, where is this information about Staffies?

I googled, but all I came up with was this:

During a six year period from 1999 to 2004 there were on average 2.3 fatalities a year due to being bitten or struck (data was not separated from 2001)by a dog compared to 63 people who died from suffocation due to a plastic bag in 1999, 77 fatalities due to falling from a ladder in 2000 and 20 people who died as a result from being thrown from an animal in 2003.
In 2004 there were no fatalities attributed to being bitten or struck by a dog but eight people died due to hornets, wasps and bees, three people died from using powered lawnmowers and one person died from being struck by lightening. (5)
In 2005, 3,472 children were seriously injured in road traffic accidents with 141 children killed on the roads.

Youcannotbeserious · 03/03/2008 21:29

And this:

DOG BITE FATALITIES ARE HIGHLY UNUSUAL. Incidents of dog bite fatalities by ANY breed are very rare. There are approximately 15 to 20 dog bite fatalities in the United States a year, and that's out of the 65 million dogs that Americans keep as pets.

PSCMUM · 03/03/2008 21:31

ok i can't find it now either, but i read it ages ago, maybe its wrong - sorry - it stuck in my mind as I am so terrified of those dogs. i did find this though, which tells all about the damage that has been done by these lovely family dogs

://www.ukandspain.com/dangerous-dogs/

sorry, but my kids would no way be in a house with a staff unless I was there as well and we were heading pretty sharpish for the exit!

expatinscotland · 03/03/2008 21:36

It's rare they are fatal, You, but they can be extremely disfiguring, painful and require some serious procedures to recover from.

My father has had 4 painful surgeries. He had 148 stitches to close the wounds from the bites, and it's fortunate for him that the animal had worn down it's bottom teeth, or it would have literally torn chunks out of his arms and legs and he would have needed far more treatment.

His right arm was permanently damaged and he's not got arthritis in it, which is painful.

My ex H's brother was mauled by a dog at the age of 3 and he had facial scars even now, after 8 surgeries.

beansmum · 03/03/2008 21:37

I'm sure staffies are getting mixed up with other breeds here. Although some people do cross them with some pretty dodgy dogs eg pitbulls.