Paying for child to go to a birthday party

[Ladybug85789]

One of my friends invited my child to a birthday party to soft play saying can not afford a party but invited us anyway. My child does not play with this child regularly as live in different towns is it unreasonable for the person to invite to expect me to bring a gift and to pay for the entrance to soft play. I do like my friend and I know money is tight for her at the minute, but it is for me aswell. The thing is because I could not afford to do a big party for my child they have cake at home and a few party games. I feel this is what she should have done instead of expecting others to pay. It's not really as much the cost as I'm sure we would all love our children to have friends parties in play areas which we don't pay for but unfortunately that is not the case and seems cheeky to ask.

And it might be that there were "guests" who are also struggling financially and didn't get to make a choice as to whether they could afford to play for a softplay session or not.

To clarify my friend did message me beforehand to tell me that payment would be expected and it was on the invite but on the back of the invitation. She also informed me that she had got her ds to hand the invites in his class which probably had the payment information on the back. I was actually not that bothered about it myself but I did think that it is abit wrong to ask of parents which you hardly know. Anyway it's over I still hold the same opinion after all of the replies that you should hold a party you can afford and not expect guests to pay even if you child wants something they have to understand.

Think I'll have to start checking the back of birthday invitations now. Never heard of anyone doing this.

Who cares? Just choose whether to go or not. Why the need for judgement?

I agree with you Ladybug. The general etiquette is when you hold a child's birthday party, you hold the one you can afford and don't ask parents to pay for their children to attend. As simple as that.

But don't guests have the option when invited to turn down the invitation if they can't afford it?

Not if they don't know its pay per entry. It's so rude and odd that you wouldn't assume unless explicitly told. Maybe some of them didn't check the back of the invitation.

Technically by buying a present you are paying towards it.

I did find out at one party that the mum opened every present to see what it was and if it was up to expectations. Right in front of the other parents. The poor kids didn't open them.

Just decline and pretend you have something else happening that day. Job done.

PS soft play parties are much better than ones at home!

Also the parents of the child were eating and drinking meals that they had bought for themselves, if you have enough to buy meals for yourself and your children which easily costs £30 or more you have enough to pay for 2-3 close friends to come play at soft play However it's true that guests can choose to whether to go or not it's just the whole concept that I find strange. 100 percent soft play parties are better than home parties but do what you can some children do not have parties at all due to cost.

Don't parents tend to ask their kids what they want to do for their birthdays? I ask my DC and, as long as it's reasonable, that's what we do.

But it might not have been written on the back of the invite. She may have called op because she realised that hers DID have that info on the back.

I seem to be reading more posts on MN where op’s expect us to agree with them and when we don’t they introduce new more damning information to ensure that we do.

A good friend would have a word with the person involved if they thought they were out of order, and then leave them to it.

She is obviously short of money but didn't want your child to feel left out. Some of my friends often do it. I always go if I can. If you really begrudge it then decline.

YANBU. If you can't afford a soft play party, have one at home!