Paying for child to go to a birthday party

[Ladybug85789]

One of my friends invited my child to a birthday party to soft play saying can not afford a party but invited us anyway. My child does not play with this child regularly as live in different towns is it unreasonable for the person to invite to expect me to bring a gift and to pay for the entrance to soft play. I do like my friend and I know money is tight for her at the minute, but it is for me aswell. The thing is because I could not afford to do a big party for my child they have cake at home and a few party games. I feel this is what she should have done instead of expecting others to pay. It's not really as much the cost as I'm sure we would all love our children to have friends parties in play areas which we don't pay for but unfortunately that is not the case and seems cheeky to ask.

So you've already been? And are now complaining about it? Nice..

And yes just get the kid a box of Maltesers if money is tight buts for the child

We don't know that she is expecting presents

Why are you assuming she’s expecting loads of presents?

Text her and say ‘moneys a bit tight for me too atm, so I can pay for soft play but won’t be able to bring a gift’, or just say you can’t go and leave it at that.

I’m sure you can return the gifts you’ve fought or keep them for other parties later in the year.

You seem a little jealous that she’s organising something fun for her child - if I couldn’t afford a party for my kid I would probably do the same as her. No one is forcing you to go

Yanbu. I agree that she should hold the party she can afford. I could never dream of holding a party and asking guests to pay. I always feed children and parents too. I have been to parties where no food is provided, and that has shocked me.

One present would be more than enough - it’s strange you complain about paying for soft play yet overspend on gifts. At least she’s being upfront about payment for soft play.

Then just decline, you can't decide what she should have done or not

If you don't want to go don't go, why do people need to live drama's for others? Just say no

There's a massive difference between having an ACTUAL PARTY at a soft play centre where you actually book it as a party and pay per head (obviously you shouldn't ask parents to pay for their child in this scenario) and asking if you want to meet there FOR the child's birthday but just as a meet up...

I think you have three alternatives

Decline
Attend the party but no present
Attend the party & put £5 in a card.

This isn't about your friend's choices, it's about a child enjoying their birthday, and whether you can afford to have your child attend. Judging her doesn't help the child (or anyone).

I’m glad you went OP.

I’m sure as your child grows up there‘ll be lots of other things that crop up of other families doing things in a different way to how you would.

I have never heard of paying to attend a party, so it’s definitely not cultural op.

Kindly, there could be a multitude of reasons she's not having a party at her house:

• money is tight and so she's worried about the lack of food
• she doesn't want loads of kids tearing around her house
• she doesn't have enough space
• she's ashamed of her house for some reason
• the kid is begging for a soft play party
• it's not her thing
• her dog doesn't like crowds
• she's not good at hosting or cooking

Who knows. But it's not really up to you to judge. She's been honest and said money is tight, but offered a plan to give her child a party. You either go, or don't.

It's quite unkind to scrutinise why. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and she started a thread about why you only had a little party at home.

Horses for courses.

It’s certainly a bit cheeky, not paying for the soft play, but getting presents for her child.

You do come across as very judgemental, most people are just doing their best with the resources they have. You could have organised a home made gift.

Maybe she didn't expect a present. Sounds like it was a meet up. It was usual for you then decide to take a present along to mark her child's birthday. Giving presents doesn't only happen when there is a party. I think this is miscommunication .

You'll find there are parties with food or drinks for parents and parties without. I wouldn't mind paying for soft play either if someone couldn't afford a party but wanted their child to have a "party". It's just an invite.

It is worth remembering that the cost of living has had a big impact on many people, and your own country may have people cutting back too. I don't think it's helpful to sneer at people regardless, if you didn't like it then you should have declined instead of going and still moaning about it.

Well I hope the child gets some friends at their party, how awful if no one turned up. I took my kids to loads of parties at soft play areas, not sure what the issue is.

Oh I see you’ve already been. No idea what you’re making a fuss about. In my culture blah blah blah🙄

YWBU - having a retrospective moan. And judgemental about her holidays etc. don't be so mean minded.

I also think it’s a bit odd to ask but not a massive deal.

But anyway, you don’t have to go, so I wouldn’t if it’s annoying you this much, and just forget it and move on.

It’s the norm in the UK that the host pays, as I’m sure you know.

Sounds like your friend is short of money and hoping that people would understand. You sound really judgmental, OP. Just don’t go if it bothers you that much.

Why is it? Think you're missing the point of gifts. It's not like the mum has set up a gofundme or anything, she probably didn't even ask for gifts!

I would go if its just the cost of the soft play and I could afford it. I wouldn't then buy a present unless I had a cheap regift.

Easy!

a friend of mine had an engagement party that you had to pay to go to

you went, you paid, you gave presents, NOW you are moaning.
maybe she has the right idea

she is mercenary but probably wise

you know money is tight for her

was a party bag and food provided?