Paying for child to go to a birthday party

[Ladybug85789]

One of my friends invited my child to a birthday party to soft play saying can not afford a party but invited us anyway. My child does not play with this child regularly as live in different towns is it unreasonable for the person to invite to expect me to bring a gift and to pay for the entrance to soft play. I do like my friend and I know money is tight for her at the minute, but it is for me aswell. The thing is because I could not afford to do a big party for my child they have cake at home and a few party games. I feel this is what she should have done instead of expecting others to pay. It's not really as much the cost as I'm sure we would all love our children to have friends parties in play areas which we don't pay for but unfortunately that is not the case and seems cheeky to ask.

There's a huge difference between inviting someone to a party and charging an entrance fee, and saying "we're going to soft play for X's birthday, would be lovely if you'd join us". They were upfront about not being able to pay for you. It was entirely your choice whether to go and take a present.

No average person expects party gifts for their child to be anything other than a bit of cheap tat so I hardly think her motivation was getting amazing presents for her child.

Maybe she just wanted her child to have fun at a play centre rather than a non event at home or kids running around her house. Weird you should post after the event to have a whinge, most people would have just gone home after and not thought about it again.

I had this sort of thing happen a couple of times when my kids were young. I either sucked it up and went along with it if my child was close to the kid and the parents were genuinely short of funds, or with one family who did it every year we just tended to be busy. I wouldn’t have dreamed of it myself. When funds have been scarce I’ve done home parties with games etc, to keep costs down.

One of DS’s classmate’s friends did this recently. I know money is tight for them and that their house isn’t really suitable for a kids’ party. I had no problem paying DS’s admission to the soft play, as it was more of a playdate than a party.

I had a party for 8 kids at my house last year. NEVER AGAIN!

It's not a party - you can't have a party at soft play unless you book it and then you get a side room and food and drink as well.
It's basically a playdate and if I needed to save money as I had to pay for admission then I'd just make a card and regift an unwanted gift from ds's birthday or get something cheap from the pound shop or something. If you don't really want to go though then don't.

I would never have a party at home though.

Whether it’s expected or not by the parents there is a general expectation that when you go to a party you take a gift. Unless the parent has specifically said, in place of a gift would you mind paying for your child’s entry to soft play.

I’m not sure where the OP is to be saying this might just be her culture but where I am in Scotland it would be the norm to be invited to a paid party (small / big / house / venue irrelevant) and for someone to take a gift (small / big / finances depended price).

Let me get that straight, you are having a meltdown over about £6-£10 entry fee? And where does it say that your friend is expecting a present? Or is it something that YOU feel you are obliged to provide?

We only think it is CF-ery because we have been brought up to believe that. It might be different in other cultures and perhaps the culture will have to change in this country because of the COLC. I would attend and bring a very small gift - if I could afford it. Sounds as though your friend is doing her best to make it work. In difficult times we can all try to support each other. You may be able to afford a party for your kids this year but situations can change so quickly and you could one day be the one needing support.

I say this because I was once in financial straits and used to annoy my family because I often needed their help. As my career progressed the tables turned and I have been able to help them out to the tune of thousands of pounds.

I can give you just a few examples of parties where you would be expected to pay:
Christmas do with your work colleagues
A "party boat" or entrance to a club
A destination wedding and stag/hen dos

It is really not that uncommon.

Prior to reception age for my oldest when he had no friends I invited his 2 cousins just to the soft play one year (no 'party' package) but I did pay their entry cost and brought a small cake to give out.

Presents are never required. Where they grabby and sent out a gift list or are you just taking a present because its the kids birthday? the former is CF but the latter is a choice. I always take presents as I'm the 'gift giving' love type but I never expect gifts back and receiving gifts makes me oddly awkward and uncomfortable.

I do think its rude to ask someone to pay for the basics like entry if they are attending your kids birthday (especially if they are traveling from another town).

Just to add: Why isn’t your friend content to do cake and games like you did? Because she isn’t you and this is what she wants to do. You don’t have to go. I hope enough people do go and that the kids have a brilliant day.

You can have parties without booking a package, we have in many places including soft plays.

You book the activity, take cake and party bags and buy food there. They accept our money just as much as money of people who book the 'extras' like co-ordinator, side room and pre-made party bags.

How do you know she 'expected' presents?

When DC were preschool age, we would usually have parties on weekends but on their actual birthday, I may message a few friends saying were going to softplay on x's birthday if you fancy meeting us. Hope no one thought I was being cheeky or expecting presents. I was simply filling the day and hoping for a cuppa with some friends while I was at it.

I always had my parties at soft play/leisure centres etc. My mum didn't want 20 screaming kids in her house but I absolutely loves going to a party in someone's house, I always found them more fun and loved the party games like pass the parcel etc.

Personally I'm a bit like my Mum now I have my own so soft play party it is but I definitely wouldn't knock a house party.

If you can afford it I'd go for the child's sake but I do think it's a really odd way of having a birthday 'party'.

I have done something similar, although it wasn't a party invite, I just said I am thinking of going X on X day if you'd like to join. It was around the time of DD's birthday and those who wanted to, showed, and those who wanted to bring a gift did. It was fine, no one said anything about having to pay and we all had a great time

It’s just basically a play date on her child’s birthday, I don’t think it’s wrong of her to do it but she shouldn’t be offended if people decline the invitation or don’t bring a gift either

Yes it could seem a bit cheeky but if she can’t afford a party and has just suggested you can come and meet her then I would say it’s up to you so you wouldn’t be being unreasonable to decline but she’s also not being unreasonable by just suggesting it .

Personally , like you say I would have just had something at home and invited people but saying that I have before arranged a meal on my children’s birthdays before that I haven’t paid for - it’s been a case of we’re having a meal here , there will be cake provided for pudding but everyone pays for themselves - would love you to come if you can , don’t worry if you can’t .
Times are hard for everyone , she’s just trying to do something for her child’s birthday but if you can’t afford it then I don’t think she should be offended if you don’t x

I did a quick after school party at home for about 8 kids, with just a bit of basic food and cake, and balloons (no party bags) and it cost the same as a party for ten at the soft play and then I had to clean up afterwards!
I don't see the big deal, you would have to pay for your child to do something that day anyway and pay for him/her to eat food, so why not be at a soft play gathering together. She's not asking you to pay for an actual party, just for your own child's entry to a soft play. We go to the soft play quite a lot so it wouldn't make any difference to pay for my child to go to a soft play for a birthday gathering.
Who cares what they do in other cultures, you aren't in that other culture now, and maybe life is cheaper there, or you have more family support in general so can do things like host gatherings for others.

A "meltdown"??

Wow your world must be very genteel if the OP's few posts are regarded as a meltdown 😂

Is your child going to have a positive experience by going to this 'party'. If she is then just bloody well take her and enjoy. If she isn't then decline the invitation. It's really not that complicated

I think this is a horrible snide thread. The woman is doing her best for her child. It is not something to get all morally superior over.

God she’s just saying that they are going to be at soft play for their kids birthday and that you are welcome to come along too (and pay entrance). If you don’t want to then don’t go. There may be a reason that she can’t hold a party at home- space, maybe issues with a partner, perhaps embarrassed about her home who knows. You come across as very saintly, it’s not attractive.

YABU stop moaning.

If DC wanted to go and liked the other child I'd pay for soft play and just send them with a card and small gift.