Not wanting people to stay with us mid-week

[NearlyMonday]

I have name changed for this.

AIBU to say ‘no’ to the increasing stream of relatives who want to stay with us mid-week? DP and I both work full time, and mid week guests are a pain. Its just that someone else is HERE, you can’t relax in the evening, you have to be in entertaining mode all the time, I can’t walk around in a t-shirt and knickers, and trying to be pleasant and chatty over cornflakes is hellish. Weekends are different and there’s no issue with having guests then. DP is very reluctant to say no to any of his relatives, who seem oblivious to the fact that we work. My relatives can be equally oblivious, but I just tell them to stick to weekends. But DP seems to think we always have to say yes to family.

WHY have you got these family members wanting to stay with you so often? Is it basically the same pair (eg your PiL) or do your DP's family in general have a strange habit of being desperate to stay with you?

Yanbu

I think this is a just say no - weekends only. Unless you just parade around in your knickers and t shirt - tbh I'd only have to do that the once and we'd never see the in laws again. But it probably also falls under cruel and unusual punishment.

Just say no.

DP is so adamant that you can't say no to family, that its making me doubt myself. Which is why I'm posting.

Just send a blanket email/text saying that you will no longer be having guest during the working week as you are sure they understand how busy you are at that time but are more than happy to have visits at the weekend where you aren't constricted by a schedule.

I find it really odd that friends and family ask to stay. Here the invitation always comes from us (weekend invites usually).

My friends and family live quite a way away, so will (we're talking once or twice a year maximum) say "We thought we might visit on...does that work for you?"

Yanbu

You can say no to anyone - despite what your DP says. It’s not about what other people want - it’s your home and your time and family must respect that. Boundaries are your friends here - use them.

The "inviting yourself" angle just compounds the issue, I think its bad manners. Even if it is family.

😂😂Ah bless you, you made me splutter my coffee. I am so with you !

You have a DH problem! I would hate this. I would say no!

Blanket no to midweek is perfectly reasonable.

i have this rule but I also have one old friend for whom I always break it - she gets a key and comes and goes, is thoughtful, quiet and doesn’t expect anything. We don’t have relatives who’d behave In the same way

I'm so glad other people feel like I do!!

Do you live in a nice tourist location by any chance?
Otherwise I’m not sure why so many people want to visit while you’re at work?
YANBU.

Who is it?

We can't have midweek guests as we only have one toilet / bathroom. It's a juggling act to all get out the house in the mornings at the best of times!

I’d take control in this situation, start a WhatsApp grouo with all the people who ask to stay over and say due to work and other commitments midweek stays are stopping. However they are more than welcome at the weekend of you are free

I hate people staying over full stop so would put a stop to weekend visitors too but I’m pretty anti social! 😂

Good idea about the WhatsApp group, but my biggest obstacle may be DP ...... he can't understand why I get upset about it.

So presumably it's always his family who are demanding to come and stay?

He's being a twat. You can absolutely say no to family. He's a doormat and he's imposing his family on you without compromise.

Then don't tell DH you're doing it. He ain't the boss. You've told him you're not happy with it and he isn't listening. If the family know you're not happy with midweek breaks, they might not ask

I've just said no to this. We both work and after school club pick up, dealing with cranky kids, rushing dinner, getting them to their activities and back, homework, bedtime, trying to catch up on our own work, everyone is worn out. If it's someone I know very well and they are just using our house (eg have a work meeting in our city) and don't expect any quality time or to be entertained that's fine. But if its a visit to see us, then no, it is weekend or nothing

Its mainly his family. My family do stay sometimes, and they used to request mid week stays, but I just said 'no' due to work. No one fell out about it, and now they only come at weekends.

I’d have to say no, we couldn’t cope. We are frantic getting dc home/activities/ fed/bed and then it’s 9pm and clean up and fold washing and do any admin we need to , then it’s r&r or more work or settle the baby and in the morning it’s all systems go getting dc out the door with me yelling STOP ANNOYING YOUR BROTHER COME JERE AND STAND RIGHT THERE DO NOT MOVE WHILE I DO MY MAKEUP I CANNOT TRUST YOU FOR A MINUTE WHERE ARE YOUR SHOES- NO YOU HAVE TO FIND TWO SHOES THE SAME, YOU KNOW THAT BECAUSE I TELL YOU EVERY MORNING -you’d probably only have to stay with us once on a work morning to decide you’d be rather be serving time in prison