Not wanting people to stay with us mid-week

[NearlyMonday]

I have name changed for this.

AIBU to say ‘no’ to the increasing stream of relatives who want to stay with us mid-week? DP and I both work full time, and mid week guests are a pain. Its just that someone else is HERE, you can’t relax in the evening, you have to be in entertaining mode all the time, I can’t walk around in a t-shirt and knickers, and trying to be pleasant and chatty over cornflakes is hellish. Weekends are different and there’s no issue with having guests then. DP is very reluctant to say no to any of his relatives, who seem oblivious to the fact that we work. My relatives can be equally oblivious, but I just tell them to stick to weekends. But DP seems to think we always have to say yes to family.

Everything you have listed IS a lot of extra work IF you are working full time and looking after children. Even the extra conversation is too much mid week! I do the bare minimum, and there is no way on gods earth I could deal with guests, making beds, washing towels and bedding etc etc even if I did nothing else at all to make them welcome. I have no wish to be a hotelier!

And an unpaid one at that!!!!

with BiL presumably his employer reimburses travel costs - suggests he stays nearby and you'll meet up for drinks/meal - or even to eat at your place, but you're not a student hostel or crash pad, and he needs to get a hotel or airbnb

Overnight guests are most welcome on my terms when it fits in with us, which is usually school holiday weekends or bank holidays. I have no wish to see anyone on a Monday or Tuesday term time that use my house as a free stopover on their way to other people/places.

Only doormats facilitate this set up.

@. I have no wish to be a hotelier!

Neither have I. But that's why I would do the absolute bare minimum. Because family.

Because ‘family’

Thats martyrdom and claptrap!

After 30 years together a lot is solid in a marriage but a lot is up for review. Why can’t you sit down with your dh and just tell him that you are already compromising by keeping open house on the weekend. Thats the compromise position between always no (you) and always yes (him).

Don’t be more reasonable and accommodating—thats a waste of time and is a poor negotiating strategy. Force him to recognize that it is a negotiation and that he will need to give away something (midweek visits) to get something (weekend visits).

Tell him firmly that his brother needs to start getting a hotel. PP is right that he should be getting paid for it by work. Why are you subsidizing him and his corporation?

@pikkumyy77 yes I plan to point out that 'weekends only' is my compromise, and as a pp suggested: I have no wish to see anyone on a Monday to Thursday that use my house as a free stopover on their way to other people/places.

We're not open house at the weekend (thank god) for some reason DP's relatives are mainly the mid-week variety, but by saying that the weekend is fine, I feel I am compromising. My family got the message, and now only stay at weekends.

It’s not like they are even coming to see you and spend time with you. It is a crash pad to earn some easy money instead of staying at a local hotel. For sure their expenses are being covered, and you are footing the bill. Even if they are dropping in en route to other places it’s still on your household account. Two meals, all the washing, wine etc costs money. How much do they contribute?