Please read. Is this weird??

xx200xx · 2023-09-08T08:02:27+00:00

Hello, looking for advice. I went to the pub the other day as I my was my child free night. I was sat at the bar a lot just talking to the people working there. Not flirting or nothing!! However the guy who worked there brought me to drinks I did say no but he insisted. He added me on Facebook but so did the other people that work there, I really didn’t think anything of it as there was nothing to think. However the guy who got me the drinks lives on my street so he walked back that way with me. He the later proceeded to text me saying “I can’t believe your single, absolutely beautiful” and then carried on messaging. I was hardly replying back and the next day I said I’m really hungover and he was saying “awhhh maybe I should come and cuddle you” I ignored this and he messaged saying “you missed out on your cuddle” However my phone was charging lastnight and I didn’t check it for a while and he sent a message saying he’s left a bottle of wine outside mine for me (he did). So I was saying please you really don’t need to do that and he was like next time it will be flowers. I have told him no and then he said well maybe a date… I have said I’m not looking for anyone as I have not long came out of a relationship etc. He’s telling me I’m worth the wait etc and it is making me feel uncomfortable. He don’t even know my age or anything really about me. Just looking for opinions on this situation…. It is very weird isn’t it?? It was the wine part what freaked me out a little bit… there’s being nice and then there’s being to nice.

Gottoloveatakeaway · 08/09/2023 09:06

Yep, it's weird. I'd tell him you're not interested and then block him

CrunchyCarrot · 08/09/2023 09:08

Yes it's way too much too quickly. Agree with PP, stress you are not interested and then block. Hopefully that will be the end of it.

SurelyBassey · 08/09/2023 09:08

Tell him to get fucked and block him
Bloody weird behaviour

TheUsualChaos · 08/09/2023 09:09

Too pushy. Keep ignoring.

madeofcheeze · 08/09/2023 09:10

That's so weird and pushy. I think you need to send one message making it clear you don't want any more contact and then block him. So strange.

vodkaredbullgirl · 08/09/2023 09:10

Block

HairyKitty · 08/09/2023 09:13

From his point of view (since maybe that’s what you’re looking for) you’ve left it right to the last minute in this story to indicate you aren’t interested, and even then I think you’ve been a bit vague.
You’ve said “you’re not looking for anyone” which could mean you’d be happy if someone suitable came along (and in his mind that could be him).
Why didn’t you instead say “I don’t want a date with you, I’m not interested in dating”

HairyKitty · 08/09/2023 09:14

I’m saying you could try to be more straightforward and assertive in future, but yes carry on blocking

Saz12 · 08/09/2023 09:16

Be really clear: "I dont want a date with you".

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:16

HairyKitty · 08/09/2023 09:13

From his point of view (since maybe that’s what you’re looking for) you’ve left it right to the last minute in this story to indicate you aren’t interested, and even then I think you’ve been a bit vague.
You’ve said “you’re not looking for anyone” which could mean you’d be happy if someone suitable came along (and in his mind that could be him).
Why didn’t you instead say “I don’t want a date with you, I’m not interested in dating”

I said "I will be honest I'm not looking for anything at I'm just trying to focus on me and my son, as I have not long came out of a relationship and it's still all fresh"
I have definitely not indicated anything. You would of thought he understood when he was sending a ton of messages and I wasn't replying.
I feel like I'm getting blamed a little here?

OP posts:

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:17

I'm just concerned he knows where I live also! But if anything else comes out of it I will message his boss!

OP posts:

PersephonePomegranate23 · 08/09/2023 09:18

'I've tried to be be nice about it, but the message doesn't seem to be coming across so I'll be blunt: I'm not interested.'

Block.

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:19

PersephonePomegranate23 · 08/09/2023 09:18

'I've tried to be be nice about it, but the message doesn't seem to be coming across so I'll be blunt: I'm not interested.'

Block.

I just felt so bad since he got me stuff and got a little worried about the back lash from it. I know I sound stupid

OP posts:

Issuefroth · 08/09/2023 09:19

He’s the one in the wrong, creepy behaviour. Your reply makes it clear you’re not interested. I hate how we are made to feel like we have to spare their feelings “let them down gently” when they have no consideration for ours. Honestly leaving gifts on your doorstep, it’s like a horror film

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/09/2023 09:21

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:16

I said "I will be honest I'm not looking for anything at I'm just trying to focus on me and my son, as I have not long came out of a relationship and it's still all fresh"
I have definitely not indicated anything. You would of thought he understood when he was sending a ton of messages and I wasn't replying.
I feel like I'm getting blamed a little here?

Show quote history

For a lot of men that simply isn't clear enough. Too many will interpret that as the door being ajar rather than locked shut. You need to be much more blunt and the sooner the better. You've tried being nice and letting him down gently, it isn't working. Tell him in no uncertain terms you are not interested in him, never will be and find his continued advances threatening.

Catsafterme · 08/09/2023 09:21

Guys view, come across a fair few of those on my travels and they won't take no for an answer. You need to be firm and block him, don't beat around the bush or spare his feelings. You've already said no, he's doing it anyway so block and be firm with it.

yellowsmileyface · 08/09/2023 09:21

That's so creepy. How does he know where you live?

I'd send a message saying "I'm not interested. Don't contact me again". Then block.

If he turns up at your house again, call the police immediately. And keep the chat with you telling him not to contact you so you have evidence of this.

titchy · 08/09/2023 09:22

Maybe it's a generation thing but do young (I'm assuming you're very young?) women these days really go to bars and get pissed on their own? That to me does not exactly give off a 'leave me alone' vibe.

If you're going to do that sort of thing you need to be really really clear immediately someone starts trying to pull you.

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:22

Issuefroth · 08/09/2023 09:19

He’s the one in the wrong, creepy behaviour. Your reply makes it clear you’re not interested. I hate how we are made to feel like we have to spare their feelings “let them down gently” when they have no consideration for ours. Honestly leaving gifts on your doorstep, it’s like a horror film

I know!! This is what freaked me out, I literally only spoke to him for a few hours in the pub (first time I ever met him)

He also told me he's not aloud to see his kids and that was a red flag also.

OP posts:

Dramatic · 08/09/2023 09:23

HairyKitty · 08/09/2023 09:13

From his point of view (since maybe that’s what you’re looking for) you’ve left it right to the last minute in this story to indicate you aren’t interested, and even then I think you’ve been a bit vague.
You’ve said “you’re not looking for anyone” which could mean you’d be happy if someone suitable came along (and in his mind that could be him).
Why didn’t you instead say “I don’t want a date with you, I’m not interested in dating”

He's a fully grown man, not a toddler. If she's not replying to his messages and has literally told him she's not looking for anyone then he'd have to be a certified idiot to not understand what that means.

Op it's creepy and weird. Block him.

Issuefroth · 08/09/2023 09:23

In fact why do we have to be honest? OP, tell him you’ve actually met someone and that is the relationship you’re interested in- in a week or two get a mate to pose as them

WalkingThroughTreacle · 08/09/2023 09:23

titchy · 08/09/2023 09:22

Maybe it's a generation thing but do young (I'm assuming you're very young?) women these days really go to bars and get pissed on their own? That to me does not exactly give off a 'leave me alone' vibe.

If you're going to do that sort of thing you need to be really really clear immediately someone starts trying to pull you.

Oh ffs. Is it really her fault she's attracted a stalker because she dared to go out without a chaperone?

yellowsmileyface · 08/09/2023 09:24

Issuefroth · 08/09/2023 09:23

In fact why do we have to be honest? OP, tell him you’ve actually met someone and that is the relationship you’re interested in- in a week or two get a mate to pose as them

Why should she go through that hassle?

He needs to learn to take no for an answer.

BrawnWild · 08/09/2023 09:24

He is not a keeper.He is already being controlling and forcing you to accept his attention. Be forceful.

Pop culture and creepy bloggers have taught some men that they should keep pursuing a woman until they wear her down.

Noone is blaming you but you seem to have a problem with giving him a blunt No that leaves no room for interpretation. Arent you mad that he is stalking you and trying to wear you down?

"I've tried to be really nice about this but I'm not interested in dating you. Please do not leave anything else at my door."

Then ignore other texts or escalate to threatening police action.

Original poster

xx200xx · 08/09/2023 09:24

titchy · 08/09/2023 09:22

Maybe it's a generation thing but do young (I'm assuming you're very young?) women these days really go to bars and get pissed on their own? That to me does not exactly give off a 'leave me alone' vibe.

If you're going to do that sort of thing you need to be really really clear immediately someone starts trying to pull you.

I not long moved to the area it was a non busy night and I just wanted to get to know the locals. Nothing to come across like I'm on the pull or anything.
It was my first night ever with my son at his dads and I was finding it hard to stay at home so I thought I will just nip out.
I didn't expect it to turn out like this.

OP posts: