Please read. Is this weird??

[xx200xx]

Hello, looking for advice.

I went to the pub the other day as I my was my child free night. I was sat at the bar a lot just talking to the people working there. Not flirting or nothing!! However the guy who worked there brought me to drinks I did say no but he insisted. He added me on Facebook but so did the other people that work there, I really didn’t think anything of it as there was nothing to think. However the guy who got me the drinks lives on my street so he walked back that way with me.

He the later proceeded to text me saying “I can’t believe your single, absolutely beautiful” and then carried on messaging. I was hardly replying back and the next day I said I’m really hungover and he was saying “awhhh maybe I should come and cuddle you” I ignored this and he messaged saying “you missed out on your cuddle”
However my phone was charging lastnight and I didn’t check it for a while and he sent a message saying he’s left a bottle of wine outside mine for me (he did). So I was saying please you really don’t need to do that and he was like next time it will be flowers. I have told him no and then he said well maybe a date… I have said I’m not looking for anyone as I have not long came out of a relationship etc. He’s telling me I’m worth the wait etc and it is making me feel uncomfortable. He don’t even know my age or anything really about me.

Just looking for opinions on this situation…. It is very weird isn’t it?? It was the wine part what freaked me out a little bit… there’s being nice and then there’s being to nice.

Can people please stop thinking I went out my way for soem attention. That was T the case I wasn't flirting or anything. Yea I got him on Facebook but again I was quite tipsy didn't think any of it.
I know some people are going to judge just for the sake of me going to the pub on my way.
I was mainly asking if this is weird or not and not to be made to feel like this was my fault.

Never give your street name to people you have just met.

I know but unfortunately it's to late now. Lesson learnt

@xx200xx You’ve done nothing wrong here. I would message his boss and tell him that he’s preying on customers.

'Hi, as I have said, I'm not interested in a relationship. Your messages are making me uncomfortable, please stop messaging me like this.'

Yes it's weird and creepy.

Unfortunately quite a few men are weird and creepy and are on the hunt for women who will tolerate their behaviour.

He will be chatting to his mates complaining about you accepting drinks, giving him your details, letting you walk him home then ghosting him. SOME men really are that stupid.

@xx200xx

The huge red flag for me is that you refuse drink and yet he provides one [or more]. I would tip it over him!😂

Yes extremely weird and much too intense and full on much too soon. Block.

I’m so sorry that was on the wrong thread please ignore! Have reported

He's a creep who wants to stick his dick in you. Tell him to leave you alone or you'll report him for stalking.

Very creepy and weird

I know this is what I'm worried about a little. I didn't walk him home tho he walked that way and my house was before his.

This is a good message, followed by pp's suggestion to report him to the manager if he doesn't stop.

I also agree that you ought to be able to go to a local bar if you blooming well want to. It is unfortunate that this idiot was there.

One thing I noticed tho.

"I just felt so bad since he got me stuff and got a little worried about the back lash from it. I know I sound stupid."

You don't sound stupid at all. This is down to him. But I think we are conditioned to be polite and he knows this. His "gifts" - the two drinks, the walk home and the wine and promise of flowers - were all intended to put you under an obligation to continue communicating with him. I think we try to let people down gently so as not to be rude, as if being too blunt is impolite or offensive in some way. But its not. He's offending you. You don't "owe" him anything. You asked him to stop and he kept on. Its the same as the classic - I paid for dinner, now you owe me favours.
The fact that you were worried about the backlash shows you felt intimidated by this and worried that he would gossip about you. Like you felt you would be in trouble if you didn't co-operate. I think a lot of women feel like that... and its easy to see it clearly with hindsight but difficult to predict at the outset how far or how predatory the person is.

You are on this thread, asking for advice and taking steps to deal with this creepy guy, and finding out what precautions you can take to prevent it happening again, so don't call yourself stupid. Hopefully this will die down, and no harm done, it will make you more wary in future which in one way is a shame, but also will be an extra layer of protection.

In an ideal world yes absolutely. Do we live in an ideal world? No we don't. And until creepy men no longer exist it is sensible that vulnerable women don't make themselves more vulnerable than they already are.

That's not blaming OP, or any other woman for their behaviour. That's encouraging women to be careful and take basic safety precautions, in the same way as if everyone drove perfectly there'd be no road accidents. But as everyone doesn't drive perfectly there are road accidents and therefore we wear seatbelts to try and prevent harm to ourselves.

I don't want to worry you, but I think you should keep all of his messages in case he refuses to take no for an answer.

Thankyou everyone for your advice! Luckly my neighbour has cctv and a ring doorbell facing straight on to my door so if anything was to get worse and I had to go to the police that could be some help.
Hopefully he does understand now and does back off.
I have a lot of compassion and do feel bad about stuff and take peoples feelings into consideration, but I need to learn to think of myself more and be more blunt

Start with wine and flowers then its wanting to give you sausage.

Be firm and get him told.
Pretty arkward him living so close though 😬

Jesus a woman should be allowed to go to a pub on her own and not be harrassed or have to give off vibes!

This man is the one who has over stepped the boundaries.

You've done nothing wrong op. But definitely shut him down, block him. You don't have to worry about his feelings. He certainly trampled all over yours. If he doesn't piss off then tell his boss.

I just tried finding out how old he is and someone commented happy 40th not long ago to him.

He don't look the old but now that's even more of a red flat because I'm in my early 20s and he's 3 years younger then my mum😬

He also said how he lives with his gran and was an alcoholic but now smokes weed. So to me it's all a massive red flag.

Sapphire387 · Today 10:36
'Hi, as I have said, I'm not interested in a relationship. Your messages are making me uncomfortable, please stop messaging me like this.'

Not bad but its too placatory - try;'As I have said, I'm not interested in a relationship with you. You are making me uncomfortable, don't contact me again.'

Smokes weed, alcoholic, doesn’t see his children and love bombs a complete stranger.

yep, run a fucking mile and then keep running!!

At what point did @xx200xx say she got pissed ? And even if she did that gives this guy no right to expect her to want to go out with him.
Women ( and men ) should be able to go to the pub / restaurant wherever with out been harassed later

@xx200xx he is been a creep , I agree with pp you need to send a very clear blunt msg, I do not want to go out with you , please stop contacting me.
If you still have it put the bottle of wine on his door step with a note firmly taped to it saying you are returning his gift as you do not want it or any others.
If you meet him in the street be very cool towards him. Reply monosyllabicly if he speaks to you and don't divulge any personal info , or where you are going / will be back.

Return the wine to his boss and hope for his sake that he paid for it.