Will nursery find this a strange request?

[Amilp]

DS recently started nursery. He’s 11 months. I’ve realised that he is given a desert after his lunch and after his dinner. This is chocolate cake, sponge cake, etc. AIBU to ask them to just give him fruit instead? I don’t want to kick up a fuss but I wasn’t planning on introducing chocolate etc until he was 3 or 4??

It was unbelievable (to me) how much crap they were giving at my DD's ex nursery.

You weren’t precious but your son wore a wristband to say no sweets?

uhhhm I’d say that’s pretty darn precious 😂

It will be “chocolate” cake. If you try some you’ll realise that nursery desserts have very little on common with proper ones. Very little sugar and other things that would make it indulgent.

Yes, from my friends whose kids attend other nurseries, bananas and custard is the example i’ve heard, not cake!

Twice a week doesn't seem so crazy when it's probably a tiny slice of a no sugar recipe. Ask them.

As others have said you won't succeed in avoiding chocolate until 3 or 4. Having them watch while other children get excited about a tasty treat that they can't have will only increase the forbidden fruit aspect.

Not unusual request at all, in every nursery I worked at the under 2s only had fruit or yogurt. It was common for parents to ask this is be continued on after two. Just ask them todo it and it will be fine.

Yanbu I'd ask for further info on what they're given and I'd provide a yoghurt or fruit he lives to be given to him instead. No need for that every day and even if it's sugar free etc it's still building the expectation of a daily dessert which most people don't have.

What's with the 'lazy' barb I keep seeing on here. This thread - 'lazy' parenting, 'lazy' nursery. So fucking what? Being lazy isn't a crime. If bribing children gets you through the day, crack on. If you think serving chocolate cake is lazy, vote with your feet. I think 'lazy' is another stick to beat women with. If a dad looks after his kids and actually manages to stick the washing machine on as well he gets a medal for multi-tasking.

End of off-topic rant.

Of course I’m judgemental. There’s no need for bribery - it’s lazy and sends an awful message that the kids are in charge. They’re not.

Taking the “easy” way out now makes it harder later on. That’s why your friends end up dealing with this for months - because they’re not parenting effectively.

Some things aren’t a choice. They have to get in the car seat/pram etc. It’s also okay for children to tantrum, and it isn’t our job to fix it. It’s our job to help them through it.

I have a toddler and a baby. A toddler who has woken every two hours for over two years. I understand exhausted. I do not understand sending terrible messages and making life harder for yourself later.

They shouldn’t be offering cake and chocolate. I’m a teacher at a primary and I looked up the law on food standards when I was appalled at the quality of school dinners. I’m shocked that they’re getting away with cake and chocolate for toddlers! Disgraceful

Bollocks. I can assure you there are no problems with my friends’ children now, as a result of being bribed with a bit of chocolate to get in the car. No lasting effects. Stop hating on other mums.

THANK YOU

The cake will be tiny, low sugar, baby friendly. I’d let him have it

Meh, food is food, if you make something forbidden they’re more likely to go overboard on it one day. Personally they’re better off offering it all at once with lunch and not specifically as dessert.

Cake isn’t even that bad, compared to other sugary treats. Small children need lots of calories and with the eggs, butter and flour (and sugar!) it will be providing that. Yes it contains sugar but so does fruit , yoghurt, milk, etc. Do nurserys encourage teeth brushing after lunch? Ours used to.

I can’t see why you couldn’t ask them not to, or at least in the first instance enquire as to the ingredients? But when he gets older he might notice he’s missing something.

The chocolate cake they serve at nursery / school is most likely as ‘healthy’ as a piece of fruit! It will likely have less sugar, and the chocolate elect will be cocoa powder.
My granddaughter loves nursery chocolate pud and custard - she wont eat my full fat chocolate brownies though!

While I agree generally about it being bad to use food as a bribe, I'd be lying if I didn't lure DD1 into doing something with mini marshmallows from time to time. Christ knows sometimes it's fine to be lazy. Sometimes I think we should be more lazy actually.

We asked our nursery to do exactly the same. When DD started at 12 months old, they'd only just started taking children under 2, so the menu was very much geared towards over 2s - chocolate cake or chocolate ice cream every day, and definitely not low sugar versions!
They were absolutely fine with the request and gave her fruit or yoghurt as available.
It's a perfectly reasonable request so that you can decide when you're happy to introduce each thing.

OP, I've not rtft, because much of it seems to be a debate about your choice of diet.
However, at the nursery I work, this request would easily be honoured.

But I suggest you ask first what they are actually getting.

We provide 'chocolate cake' but it is actually vegan beetroot cake with little sugar.

Those children who have fruit for pudding at lunch and tea, as well as with the other children at 2 snack times, get so much sugar from the fruit.
Some of these children over the years have had problems with thier teeth because they ate too much fruit.

Ask, and when you have the facts make your choice. The nursery should easily be able to accommodation this request

I am quite relaxed about cakes and sweets but I find the culture around this strange sometimes. It’s also not impossible to keep a child away from certain foods and it’s okay to be different.

I imagine it'll be a piece of bland traybake sponge (sorry if any nursery cooks are reading). I wouldn't worry too much.

I genuinely don't think we'd have ever been on time for anything if I hadn't bribed my toddler to get her shoes on and get in the car.

I agree with you. In my example that my friends have told me about, ‘helping the child through a tantrum’ isn’t practical in the middle of a car park and when you have somewhere to be. Sometimes you’ve got to what you’ve got to do. We all try our best and there are no ‘perfect parent’ medals.

Wouldn't bother me.

I would ask the nursery what is actually in the puddings first. Did they give you menus before your son started?

If its full on chocolate cake for puddings then no, not many people would be happy with that for an 11 month old.

Having a no chocolate approach until 3 or 4 may backfire. A little bit of cake or chocolate in a child's diet is not a bad thing, if their diet is balanced in general.

My sister was very strict about a healthy diet for her children. They are all obsessed with getting their hands on every treat and 'naughty food' available, at any opportunity. (I don't agree with labelling food as a treat but this is her approach)

Other kids (Inc my own) who are allowed chocolate/cake/biscuits/crisps as part of a balanced diet seem much less bothered by it all.

It's easier to avoid this stuff with your PFB. Impossible with subsequent children.

If you want to be certain that they're eating only the things you want them to eat, nursery isn't a great choice.