My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

I live in a small close (10 houses) and when DC were younger knew all the neighbours and no concerns over going into others houses
20+ years later with my DC long since gone n newer neighbours I would always say to children to go n ask their parents before coming into even my garden to pet Dcats

But blaming the couple will not keep the children safe. Making the children realise why they can’t trust strangers will keep them safe

Warning this couple off and making it clear that their behaviour has been noticed will reduce the risk of them trying to continue making a relationship with these children though.
It's not just the children's responsibility to keep themselves safe. Adults need to be challenged when they behave inappropriately towards children.

Only read half the thread. We have similar age children who also have just started playing out on their own.

If this happened to them, and they could be trusted to tell the truth about what happened, I would be very cross in the sense of its potentially dangerous. I would go on about what to do in a similar scenario if it arose. Make sure they never went into anyone's house again. It's all a learning curve isn't it?

It's batshit to say you're going to march round to the other person's house and say anything to them on the info presented by the op here. What a cheek.

And to the poster that implied that would justify vigilante action, or sprawling the word peodo across their door, how awful are you?!?!

The children absolutely need a refresh around 'Stranger Danger' but the main issue is still that the couple invited/let the children enter their home. The most informed/sensible child in the world could still be convinced to go into a strangers house when there is the promise of stroking a pet/eating sweets/helping out the owners/whatever.

Jesus, even adults can lack common sense in the strangest of situations, and can make stupid decisions.

I think "going mad" won't make them not do something again, they'll just be secretive about it and not tell you in future.

Say they went to someone's house and something they weren't happy with happened, they might not tell you because last time you went mad at them and they knew they weren't supposed to. Just a thought.

This happened to me as a kid, though a different reason to go into their house. All very innocent, but my mum was livid and it was a real wake-up moment for me to realise I'd just walked into a stranger house/ I'd otherwise blindly assumed "baddies" wore trench coats and drove shifty looking cars.

I agree with poster just above me though. They may have done nothing wrong, but you don't want your kids going round there, and you making a fuss/putting your foot down sends a message loud and clear that you are watching/boundaries will not get pushed.

I would not invite a child I didn't know into my home - ever. Not to play with my child; not for any reason.

The safeguarding concerns are more than obvious, and quite aside from anything else it has the potential to leave me wide open to the kind of accusations, or even mere suspicion, I really don't need. This would be even more the case were my male partner present at the time.

The number of people bleating that 'they can invite who they like into their own home' amazes me. I'd think this site was a pisstake sometimes, if I didn't unfortunately know otherwise.

In no one's world is this a good idea. And contrary to the childish protestation that people 'can do what they want in their own homes', just because they can, doesn't mean they should'.

You can't account for the actions of other people, but I'd be drumming the message into your kids that this is not permitted and perhaps keeping them under much closer supervision until I was sure that message had hit home.

I suspect if you do speak to your neighbours it will be seen as confrontational, no matter how calmly you word it, and will likely make them become defensive. If they are so clueless as to let strange children into their homes, they'll be clueless at dealing with concerned parents and will be completely unable to see what they did that was wrong.

You are, however, NBU.

Please do not go and have a chat with this couple, likely just being kind.
they have been taught strange danger by myself and school. clearly not well enough, if they can't be trusted to not make stupid decisions then they stay in garden.

Don’t let your children out alone if they don’t understand. 8&9 is too young IMO anyway but appreciate we are all different.

Best comment I have seen in a long time.

But it is not their responsibility to keep these children safe. That’s entirely down to the parents.
The only reason they should refrain is to avoid suspicion and rumour.

FWIW I think it's very surprising, and unwise, for adults who don't know children to invite them into their house, especially young children like this. Although most people are safe some people are not. We're all aware of that now, and so inviting unknown children in is always going to look suspicious.

Unfortunately those without children will always be subject to extra suspicion, as is apparent from the OP's post. I don't have children, and I"d never dream of working with children (scouts, or whatever they are now) for fear of a misunderstanding. It's just not worth the risk. For that reason, of course, I'd never dream of inviting unknown children into my house.

That aside, I'd have been very disturbed by this if it had happened to children of mine. I would go round and have a polite word with the people in question.

Are you serious?

Does anyone else think that MN has morphed into Nethuns?

@BeenThereDoneThat101

The vast majorityof children who are abused and worse are abused by someone they know. We shouldn’t spend so much time concentrating on strangers that we lose sight of the people known to us who are far more likely to be a danger to your children.

This is a wrong interpretation of the statistic that chldren are mainly at risk from people they know. The only reason children are at more risk from people they know, is that they spend more time unsupervised with people they know. If children are invited into a stranger's house, that is unsupervised and you also have to wonder about why they were invited in - that is a high risk situation and is exactly why children are told never to get into cars with strangers, never to go into strangers' houses. It's completely different to being concerned about a child being randomly snatched off the street - this is very unlikely - but if your child puts themselves at risk by going into the house of someone who approaches them, the risk shoots up. Secondly of course, if the children make friends with these people, they are no longer strangers anyway.

OP is right to be concerned, she should thank the children for telling her what happened and explain why she was cross, take the opportunity to remind her children exactly where they are allowed to go, tell them they must always stay together, must tell her if anyone invites them in, that people can seem nice but to stay safe they must not go with anyone unless you are aware. As these people are near neighbours it would be a good idea to go and meet them, let them know mum is aware if nothing else.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/chilling-stranger-danger-experiment-video-2250949

The children were behaving the way children behave. Seven out of ten children in this experiment were led away from a park by a strange man. One of the ruses used was a lost dog. We may all think our children know better, but it is natural for children to be naive and vulnerable.

I would agree with speaking to the couple involved as they are laying themselves open to accusations, real or imagined. However, this can be done politely. There's no need to be nasty or aggressive.

But that isn't enough. Regardless of this couple and whatever their intentions were, the OP's children were unable to put into practice what they had been taught. Had they been molested or worse then that would indeed be the fault of the perpetrator but, the fact that they approached this couple and went inside a stranger's house is their fault and the OP needs to go back to basics with them.

And I still think that this was a lucky break for the Op to realise that the refresher is needed. That’s not judging the OP or the children, but this could have ended badly it the couple had had nefarious intentions.

Why are so many comments saying it's even worse because it's a childless couple? Genuinely curious as one half of a childless couple. I had no idea I was automatically more suspicious than those with kids. 😬

Two of the neighbours kids came into my back garden today. My husband told them (quite rudely as he was grumpy after a long day at work) to get out. Then they hung around in my front garden trying to talk to me through the window. I told them that I was busy and to go away. Kids are persistent and unaware of normal boundaries sometimes. Not saying that's what happened, but they can be hard to get rid of if you're too polite.

Children are more likely to be hurt by those they trust. See April jones/ Holly Wells & Jessica Chapman etc etc, the list goes on. It was people they trusted. Emphasise not going into anyone's house or car.

I think the couple most likely just didn't think about it from a parent's perspective, as they aren't parents.

When I was a kid, the school would literally send to you a strangers house every week for an hour to keep old people company, like Adrian Mole and Bert Baxter.

We regularly have kids knocking and asking to look at dhs falcons and hawks. They always get told no, if he knows the parents he will message or phone them to tell them their child has turned up at our house asking to come in and look at the birds and will suggest a parent come with the child the following day at x time when he's cleaning them out or feeding them, as a kid it's how dh learnt about falconry, from strangers he didn't know and he says his childhood kestrel made him feel good during a very shitty childhood and helped him cope, some of the kids turning up wanting to learn remind him of himself and he doesn't mind chatting and teaching them but never ever without a parent there.

When you have asked it here, yes, of course it’s wrong to invite a child into your house without getting parent’s’ permission first. However in reality I can see the situation as @burnoutbabe described when it might look ok if it’s 9 or 10 y.o child. My mum would invite and used to do it when we had a cat and she wouldn’t understand your concern at all and would be deeply offended . Some people are like this. A few times it took me about 5 minutes to explain the nice elderly dog owners that my DD DIDN’T want to strike their dog she was just watching it because she’s actually scared.

I don't agree.

The only reason that the main issue is that the couple invited/let the children enter their home would be if your main concern was to protect this couple from unwarranted accusations.

If your main concern is the safety and wellbeing of the children, then the main issue is that they did not follow the rules they had been taught.

Of course it's not their responsibility to keep these children safe. It's their responsibility not to act inappropriately towards children.
And if you do act inappropriately towards children (by enticing them into your home to pet your cat without their parents knowing for example) you have to expect the parents will turn up and tell you to back off.
If you act inappropriately towards children and get away with it without the parents challenging you, then if you are so inclined you might decide to see if you can push it further.

I wouldn't be happy with the adults. I would go round, so they know u know..i would tell them i dont want my kids inside strangers homes even if well meaning... the kids now know not to now...if theyre real adults they'll understand.