My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

How does telling this odd couple to back off impact on the children being afraid to ask for help? Seems unlikely this one set of neighbours who've already behaved in a strange way would be the only possible people that could help them.

I sometimes think I live in a different world to most of mumsnet. My 9 year old is walking to/from school with her friends from this year onward. My 7 year old goes to get things from the corner shop. The kids on the street are in and out of one another’s houses frequently and all great friends. If someone we didn’t know showed up and said they’d been playing with one of the kids we do know I’d just shove a quick message on the street what’s app group to say they were here. I prefer to know which house the kids are in so remind them they are welcome to play with a friend but to pop back and let me know which one. Some of the neighbours are fine with them roaming without saying first as long as they stay on the street.

I think your anger and shock are misplaced here.

You made the judgement call that your children were mature enough to play out without your supervision. They then walked into an unknown couple's home.

Tracking down the couple and telling them off for being childless and daring to talk to kids is not going to change what happened, and it may not change how your children would act next time.

Really, I think you are mad at yourself for thinking your kids were old enough to keep themselves safe, and you're upset that if this couple had had bad intentions, your decision could have resulted in your children being harmed. I don't think you should have a go at the couple, and I think you should forgive yourself. Nothing untoward happened, and you can now spend time reinforcing stranger danger with your kids so they are better prepared for next time with a stranger who perhaps does have bad intentions.

Focus on what you can change - your children's understanding of the world - and not what you can't - other people.

I'm another weirdo without kids.
I can understand your concern and it's generally helpful for your children to know that going into the houses of people they don't know or you haven't said they can visit is not ok. However I imagine it went something like "ooh is this your cat...can we stroke her?" "Yeah sure, but she's a bit timid though so be just come here and be quiet /gentle"..misguided maybe but not them luring your kids in.
There are some children over the back from my house. They play cricket all day and a million balls land in our garden, I throw some back but every so often they knock on the door to come round to do a big collection. It's fine. I have a very brief hello then open the back door and off they go.

my kids (11, 13) have bought unknown children to ours occasionally. Children I don’t know but they do. I feel uncomfortable but let them visit. My son is under strict direction not to go into strangers houses and I would be cross with him if he did.

They are luck to meet someone nice this time.

It's between you and your kids

I’m glad you went bonkers at them. I was abused by an elderly man who lived nearby, he had a cat and I hadn’t been taught stranger danger.

We had an old man in our street who used to invite any passing children in to see his cat / watch tv / have some sweets. Once they were in, he would get them to weed his back garden with a Stanley knife as payment for the sweets or to get 50p for sweets or whatever.

They can invite whoever they like into their house, more than likely they are just being friendly and if they have no kids probably aren’t considering some of the issues you are. I think what is unreasonable is that you think it’s up to them to put in boundaries and you’re going to go and impose on them in their home to tell them this. It’s your responsibility to keep the children safe and ensure they don’t go into peoples’ houses. If they’ve done this then clearly they are not ready to play out. They need to stay in the garden or you need to watch them or check out the window every few minutes. Sometimes you think kids are ready for something and they’re just not, that’s life. It’s up to
you to keep them safe, you can’t rely on other people to do that

Probably had a collar with a tag?

I bet they 'found' it happily minding it's own business !

I’m the odd one out but this wouldn’t bother me further than reiterating not to go in strangers houses.

I’m betting this is an older couple that were just being neighbourly. I wouldn’t go round.

I used to be in loads of houses when I was young.

i wouldn’t let my DD go to a sleepover where the parents weren’t my friends but taking a lost cat back to a couple 12 doors down on my estate yes.

they have been taught strange danger by myself and school.
It's not stranger danger you should be teaching your children it's that they don't do anything without first checking with a parent. If any adult, even ones they know, ask them to go with them, or come inside, they should know to say no without asking you first. Otherwise someone that they might know, even just by sight in their street, could also pose a threat.

yes I was shocked they aren’t allowed to go that far and never have done before

Children are unpredictable. Just because they don't doesn't mean they won't

Classic parenting. Your kids do something wrong but it's someone else's fault.

They knocked at the door, told them where their cat was and then waited for them to return with the cat. That's quite a long time to be hanging around a stranger's house, and you had no idea. I think you're right to keep them inside for awhile tbh.

To me, the couple returned and found your kids still waiting. It's hardly predatory when your kids did the initial contact and then waited for them. I expect they asked if they wanted to feed/stroke the cat out of politeness.

It doesn't have to be everyone. It just has to be one.

I don’t understand why all these posters are assuming the couple are innocent and harmless? Obviously there is no proof from this one encounter that they are a threat, but there is also no way of confirming that they are not. Allowing or encouraging strange children to come into your home without their parents presence or knowledge is either stupid or grooming. OP did the right thing going balistic at the kids. OP I think you should go and have a word. One really effective technique is to pretend that you need everyone on board with the rules so that kids don’t get confusing messages and think it’s ok to break the rules sometimes. - Basically act as though you need this couple to help set an example of how your kids should behave in this situation - eg. Stating they need a parent to accompany them in order to visit other people’s houses. This works because if they are harmless and just out of step with safeguarding they feel empowered to be part of helping kids keep safe. And if they are predators then they’ll see you’re too savy to be easy to groom and will back off because the risk of being caught is too great.

Get a couple of local heavies to go and visit this couple.

That ship has already sailed in this case. IF this couple are a danger, they already know that these children are vulnerable. They already know these children do not have a parent keeping a close enough eye on them.

Dh and I are childless and in our 60's (elderly?)

Most of our neighbours have young children. We are on very friendly terms with all - BUT several times a child has knocked on our door and asked to come in and see our dog (sadly no longer with us). The answer is always NO because they need to bring mum or dad with them.

I think the child was lonely. But what if........ some kids are very worldly wise, a few years ago one young girl (12?) told me my DH was a paedophile although she wasn't local and had never set eyes on him in her life. She was angry with me for telling her off for lobbing fireworks at my neighbours windows.....

It's sad but you have to bear in mind there are some sad and bad fuckers out there.

Bloody excellent reply.

I'm absolutely fucking gobsmacked that there are so many people saying that this is the fault of the children/the OPs parenting!!! A childless couple inviting children in to their home to "stroke the cat" is ridiculously inappropriate.

And not just that it is the children's fault, but that it is 'an adult's right to invite children in to their home without their parents' knowing'

I agree with "stupid or grooming" and would definitely be paying a call to show the couple that their actions had not gone unnoticed and that you would be extremely unhappy if they were repeated.

I'd be angry and a bit freaked out that they thought it was OK to invite young children into their house. Who thinks that's OK? But I've worked with sex offenders so I'm cautious about anyone who thinks it's OK to invite children they don't know into their house. I'm also glad I live in my neighbourhood where I don't get random kids knocking at my door.

I think your children need to understand that what they did was not OK, and reiterate stranger danger.

If it was just the front garden I’d not be as bothered as they probably were just letting them see the cat but don’t see why they’d need to invite the children into their house?

it’s not illegal but just seems an odd thing to do.

Absolutely this, I can't believe some of these replies

Absolutely!!!