My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

@SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress

The next person who invites them back to their house might be the polar opposite of innocent.

As a grandmother I'd have escorted them back home. It's irresponsible of your neighbour to have done otherwise. I was taught stranger danger as a child

I don't know why you keep deliberately misinterpreting what I have said.

1. Not once did I say I would ignore it.
2. I said clearly that I would speak to the neighbours about it but would be civil about it, unlike you.
3. If they had ill intent, they haven't acted on it THIS TIME.
4. The OP needs to control her children so that they don't go into people's houses!
5. There is no evidence of a red flag.
6. Far more people AREN'T abusers than ARE abusers.
7. I would definitely not be so rude and nasty as to say they were weird or inappropriate.
8. The goal of this exercise is to keep the kids safe. Make this a learning episode.

I hate this mob-minded vigilantiism. It's perfectly possible to make your point without storming round there like some uncouth aggressor!!!!

You can't get a much bigger red flag than enticing children into your home to pet a cat without their parents' knowledge. That's a whole parade of red flags. And absolutely weird and inappropriate behaviour that needs to be called out. Doesn't matter if they are 20 or 70.

I agree with this

Of course nobody has said that - there are some posters who are just twisted.

It's extremely ill-advised. I never have done it, nor would I. But I have children and therefore I know this. It could just have been a thoughtless act, without thinking, and without having the awareness of how this could be construed.

I didn't allow children from the street into my house but they could come and play in the back garden with my kids - but I always sent them home first to check with their parents and to let them know where they were.

However, this can absolutely be dealt with in a courteous way. Why do people go out of their way to assume the worst of people? You can sort this out without having to be aggressive. No actual harm has occurred - make bloody sure it doesn't happen again by controlling your children!!

You can't stop these people inviting children in. You can absolutely prevent your kids going in, and should.

Oh fgs!!! It's so sad to think there are people out there that have such narrow thinking.

You and your parade of red flags - listen to yourself will you???

point 2. i don't think the PP said they would go round shouting and screaming either
point 3. thank goodness but that doesn't prove anything
point 4. yes agreed
point 5. Inviting children you don't know into your home is a huge red flag.
point 6. Out of the subset of people who invite children they don't know into their homes, the proportion of abusers must be far higher than the general population.
point 7. It is inappropriate to invite children into your home. It's contradictory to say children shouldn't go into people's homes but it's fine for adults to ask them in.
point 8: see all other points above!

The problem is that whilst you are concentrating on your parade of red flags, the much more subtle and clever abuser down the street has completely gone under your radar.

Cool, well in the case that we have two abusers on the street, at least we've seen one off. Reduced the risk by 50%.

Oh, you are so, so, naive!

The children are young.. also how many kids have been abused even when they have adhered to stranger danger, also adults groom...yes this only takes once...grooming doesnt have to be prolonged, opportunists.
Victim blaming...kids and parents...out of order. Kids should be able to go about their business... its the adults who invited them in who are in the wrong. Ive got to unsubscribe from notifications on this post. Im so angry.

I will admit I’ve not looked at every post so apologies if this has been covered. IMO it would be dependent on the relationship with said neighbour (e.g I’m close with mine) and if I was out doing the garden I wouldn’t think twice about saying to a neighbour who I know and am close with child if you want to go in and see the dog that’s fine (I’ve a dog that you could do anything to, any attention is good attention and I’m not willing to go down the rabbit holes that come in hand with that as I’m just giving an example)…but if it’s not a neighbour/friend to mum and dad who’s house you have been in before with mum and dad that’s not ok…though at the same time I understand that not all family friends are actually “friends” so it’s a tough one xxx

My post is addressed @caban, who seems to be on the verge of asking the OP the neighbours' address so she can assemble a mob, and storm round there to parade their heads on pikes.

Inviting children into your house can be totally innocent. In most cases, it's naviety/stupidity/ignorance.

There is no contradiction. You cannot prevent people from inviting your child into their home. You have to prevent your children from accepting the invitation.

When my youngest was 10 he had a friend at the bottom of the street who didnt go to his school and therefore I didnt know her parents.He asked me if she could come and play in the back garden so I went round and asked the parents if there were ok with that (given they had no idea who I was).

So no. I think it would have been wrong to invite this child into my house when she was my Ds's friend without contacting her parents for so for a childless couple to do it seems odd to me.

I think most of us are old enough to remember the consequence of this years ago.

@mayorofcasterbridge

Enticing children to go off somewhere with them by mentioning a cute animal is a common ploy of paedos. There is nothing sad about anyone seeing that as a red flag. And taking the children back to your house without checking with parents is another red flag.

Nothing happened this time. Doesn't necessarily mean they didn't have I'll intentions.

Or:

They were a kind, fun loving couple trying to be nice to a couple of kids. The trouble is, and as I've mentioned in my earlier post, by doing this you make them even more vulnerable to being preyed upon by people with bad intentions.

Telling adults to stop their inappropriate behaviour and leave children alone is hardly assembling a mob

They didn't entice the children into their home. The children found their cat and brought it to them, knocking on who knows how many doors in the process. They repaid the kindness but asking them if they wanted to stroke the cat. That is not an act of enticement.

I don't disagree but it's a bit of a stretch to see this incident as a red flag. The kids weren't targeted! They approached the neighbours. I'd like to know more about the neighbours but OP seems to have disappeared.

Let's deal with the actual facts here without the hysteria. There's no need to be a cunt about it. The OP can't control the neighbours. Maybe they're inviting kids in on a daily basis to stroke their pussy, and maybe they have negative intentions or maybe not. The only thing the OP can do is control her kids. She can't control her neighbours. There is no call here to deal with it aggressively!

Thanks be to god that someone with a bit of commonsense has posted!!

I would almost be tempted to go round and very politely warn ths couple that if they had enticed a different child into their house, then their hypothetical parents might have put a warning out about them on social media, and that that could lead to all sorts of misunderstandings. Just being concerned for their safety of course.

Your language and posts suggest that that is exactly what you would like to do. "Leave children alone" - dear god, the kids approached THEM saying they found their cat! (hardly think the cat was all that lost but anyway!)

I'd hate to live around people with your mentality.

When my kids were young, we found a neighbour's kitten who'd gone missing. She was literally dancing round a lamppost when we were on the school run, so we stopped and grabbed her. The owners weren't home, so we gave her to another neighbour, who passed her to another neighbour when she had to go out who took her back to her owners when they got home. The neighbours were so grateful that they gave my kids a card and a voucher to say thanks.

If they had been able to take her straight home, could I say hand on heart that they wouldn't have gone in to feed her? Probably not, but I was with them anyway and we all loved the wee cat as she visited us regularly.

You know what - I have successfully reared three young adults without seeing evil all around me, yet kept them safe.

These neighbours may feel they know your family from having seen you/your children in the street. Your children obviously knew they were the owners of the cat so probably didn't view them as strangers.

I think you have had a scare but you can use this as an opportunity to talk to your children about how you need to know where they are, at all times. Get them to work out what they should have done, in today's situation.

Going to chat to the couple tomorrow will hopefully put your mind at rest.

It doesn't matter how much training kids have, they are kids. They are 8 and 9... they are at risk. All kids are ..
You cant 'suss' this couple out ... abusers come in most friendly shapes and sizes. That's how it works. I would absolutely go round and ask them not to invite the kids into their house again. I wouldnr make a big fuss, I wouldn't try and be their friend. I wouldnr accuse them of anything, but Id make sure that they know I know what thyey did and am.watching them (without saying that).

Innocent ? You ll never know. Be careful .. and its no bad thing you lost it with kids. A cat, a puppy .. its what abusers do. It's how it starts.

If thye are innocent they will also learn .. its naieve in the extreme to invite kids into a house

Do people not bother to read the OP?

The cat was out doing what cats do, and the children took it upon themselves to "rescue" it and return it to its home.