My children were invited into a strangers house! Am I over reacting?

[Flowers94]

This is quite long but basically my children are 8&9 and have been playing out at the back of our house for a few months but know where they can and can’t go. a few days ago they’ve gone out and when I’ve gone to shout them in they weren’t responding so I’ve panicked and when they returned about 10 mins later they’ve been in a house about 12 door up stroking a cat.
I’ve explained the them about stranger danger and asked what’s happened and they’ve said the cat was lost so they’ve found it and this couple have said to them that the cat is shy so do they want to come in and stroke/feed the cat.

i went mad at the kids which I maybe shouldn’t have done but they know we don’t go into strangers houses, I am considering going to this couples house and suggesting they don’t invite children into their home as to me that’s extremely odd.
is this an overreaction on my part? Or do normal adults invite children into their homes to stroke there pets

I don't know about some of you who appear to think differently, but I would never invite children I didn't know into my house, and I don't think other people should either. It is basic common sense not to do that.

It is a well-known thing to explain to children that they should never go off with strangers offering them sweets or to see their new puppy or whatever. Children are told over and over that they mustn't be persuaded to go with an adult they don't know. I would have expected all reasonable adults to know that. So a couple actually inviting them into their house to pet their cat actually beggars belief. It was a downright stupid and irresponsible thing for them to do.

This 👆🏾

If you are raising your children like this then you are making them vulnerable.

In a way this is a good thing. Now you know your children don’t understand the rules and you have a chance to clarify and teach them. We can’t protect kids by teaching all good adults not to invite them in. The bad adults will still do it. So we need to teach kids what the boundaries are to keep them safe. This is not the same as blaming kids. It is just common sense.

Remember Holly and Jessica went into the school caretakers house.

My children are adults, and they never went into someone's house without my permission.

I think it's totally unnecessary to go in all guns blazing. Nothing actually happened to the children. I'm guessing this may be an elderly couple who maybe aren't up to date re safeguarding?

A bit of manners wouldn't go amiss. Same outcome.

I would show your kids the sad story about holly and Jessica and what happened to them to show why you need to check with parents before saying yes to go into anyone's house even if they have a cute kitten/puppy/sweeties etc

Of course, it's well known that elderly people never, ever abuse children.

Don't be so obtuse. You are deliberately twisting what I said. What a ridiculous comment. You are deflecting because you would go round and bawl these people out, and I have more manners than to shout the odds at someone who's done something inadvisable, and nothing with apparent ill intent.

Elderly people or those who aren't used to being around children a lot may not be as clued in about safeguarding. Is that so difficult to comprehend?

Holly and Jessica knew the caretaker.

Of course they shouldn't be going into strangers homes or anyone elses without your agreement. Even if they know them , if you're not aware of it then its a no. Example of the recent case where a boy went into his friends house to stroke a dog and was attacked by the dog and died. No other adult in the house. I know that is an extreme case compared to this but still.

To all the people who are saying that there is nothing wrong with inviting a stranger's kids into your house, would you extend an invitation? Or would common sense prevail and you would know that to do so, no matter how good your intentions, would be seen as scary and really creepy to the parents. Not to mention it would make already naive kids even more vulnerable to being preyed upon. Let's imagine I invite a couple of kids into my house to play with my dog. They come in and we all have a great time and then they go home. They think I'm a wonderful person. A few days later, a seemingly nice man stops them and asks them if they want to come and meet his dog. The kids remember what a great time they had with me, how nice I was, how cute my dog was so off they go with him. Only he isn't a nice person like I was. He turns out to be evil.

One boy only escaped from Myra Hindley by the skin of his teeth after she invited him back to her house for a slice of jam and bread. If he hadn't got a bad feeling once he got there, he would have probably been buried on the moors as well.

You have absolutely no idea if they have ill intent or not. Why ignore red flags and assume they don't?

Even if the risk they have bad intentions is small, I wouldn't ignore it in order to be polite. Of course I'd be round there to tell them they'd been weird and inappropriate and to stay away from my children.

This has reminded me of what I say to the kids that knock on my door at Halloween, I always have treats for them and I always gently remind them never to go into anyone's house. It's so easy for children who do live in the moment and of course do not have the life experience to suss out a wrong 'un to go along with things. I always used to tell my child to "never go anywhere with anyone you don't know no matter what they say or offer you". I thought this made more sense than a blanket "don't talk to strangers"

All of you saying OP mustn’t make a fuss and risk offending the couple by speaking to them about this - how do you expect the kids to learn to say no to (seemingly) kindly adults if the model they are seeing is parents avoiding that conversation for fear of being rude? You have to teach them by example. It’s best to start with the safe, lovely people who your kids feel safe talking to! Start with family and friends!

I don't think anyone has said that there is nothing wrong with inviting a stranger's kids into your house.

I don’t think you can genuinely discuss anything with this poster, no matter how sensible you are. I gave up earlier
@mayorofcasterbridge

@DontMakeMeShushYou

There is a lot of people on here saying that it is up to them who they invite to their house and the kids choice whether to accept, so therefore OP is being unreasonable to be angry.

Even if these strangers did have good intentions, it was a stupid thing to do.

Lots of people have said exactly that - you can't tell an adult who they can invite into their house, they can invite whoever they like, it's up to the child to say no.

Exactly this. .

If I was the woman of the couple, living near by and saw these kids starting to go out and near my home, I'd have walked them back to your home and introduced myself OP.

That way if they run off playing in my direction again I'd let you'd know I'm keeping an eye out

And no, I wouldn't have invited them into my home etc - I'm sure the couple did it innocently but it was damn well thoughtless

I have DC of a similar age. I think sometimes they get the theory but can’t put it into practice. My DC were overly interacting with a man they didn’t know. I reminded them of stranger danger, etc, and they confirmed they’d also learnt all about it at school - but then they told me the man was being nice! “It’s ok, Mummy - he was a nice man”.

And no, the adults shouldn’t have invited them in. At best it was thoughtless. Even if they’re perfectly innocent, surely they’d understand that you don’t do that? I wouldn’t tell them off, but I’d politely talk to the adults so they get it.

I would never invite a stranger’s children into my home. I think most adults would know it wasn’t a sensible thing to do but some people are naïve or out of touch and genuinely might not see how it could be construed as sinister.

I would speak to the couple but politely, and would probably frame it as my children being cheeky: ‘Oh, I gather my children came into your home- I’m so sorry, they know they are not to go into strangers’ homes’.

Lets them know you weren’t happy and would hopefully make them think twice about inviting children in.

I just think for an adult couple to invite children in when they don’t have any children is questionable

How do you know they don't? And what difference does it make?

You do your parenting your way OP. I would go to see the neighbours, explain your kids arent allowed in strangers houses no matter if nice intentions......and you've explained to your kids that now. Ian Huntley and Maxine carr had kids in from the school/neighbourhood. Its a parents job to protect their children, and that's all youll be doing...protecting your kids. I wouldn't go kicking off but definitely i go friendly but no nonsense..theyre adults they should know or understand.
Also for those slating you for your kids being out, you know your area and your kids. Xxx

And this is why "if it makes you feel uncomfortable" is an appallingly bad safeguarding lesson. As is "stranger danger".
Children don't feel bad at all going to stroke someone's pets.
And a friend of the family can also groom children by getting them on their own to do something the child really likes doing.
We have a cat and sometimes if he is outside (more the previous cat who was bolder) children will express an interest. I would always say "you MUST ask your mum or dad" before they come any closer/go out of sight of the parent.

It sounds entirely innocent to me.