To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

My guess is a coke habit similar in size to his salary.

I earned £29,000 when I bought my first flat and my mortgage was £850, so I know that even with price increases what he is earning is absolutely ample but you’ve made things quite easy for him. I would never have asked my parents, I did without or worked overtime. Be clear now that he’s set up it’s his responsibility to manage his money.

Lol - Blinds are not essentials - your son sounds ds like a spoilt brat.

Help with deposit & really good income compared to most his age.

He is very lucky

He's trying it on. And it seems to work

It isn’t a huge mortgage actually and it’s a very good salary and it’s just him. What the heck is he doing with the money if he can’t afford the occasional meal out in his scenario?!

You’ve been extremely generous. He needs to knock these comments on the head now.

I see they've tried to make the thread all about them, again 🙄

I'm worried about losing my job. Many friends have been laid off or are at risk of redundancy. I'm worried about an unexpected cost like the boiler breaking down or the fridge/freezer breaking. I'm going to need to replace a window frame fairly soon. I have health issues that so far this year have cost me £2500 in private healthcare for what the NHS couldn't provide.

I feel like I live on a different planet to the rest of you tbh.

Well below average for what? I live in a one-bed flat, essentially a glorified studio. Do you think I've never lived anywhere else? I'm from Hull. I wasn't spending anything close to this in Hull.

If London is so great, and life here is so very easy, why don't you all move here, live in a studio flat and not have kids? Genuine question.

His after bills and tax pay is more than double what we have got a whole family with kids. HE is so unreasonable

He's taking you for a ride. Stop making excuses and stop giving him money.

Tell him to get a lodger in to bring in extra cash, he's probably got £££ in savings he doesn't want to use.

Ask to see his monthly statement and outgoings and don't give him any more cash. Tell him to start saving £100 a month for his blinds & send him theink to IKEA.

He is an entitled, tight fisted sponger to be honest who is happy to spend other people's money.

Show your entitled son this thread, he'll get a shock when he reads our opinions.

He's got the potential to become one of those financially controlling partners you read about on mnet.

You need to nip this shit in the bud now before he shacks up with a poor woman and spends all her money.

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/

Send him the link to the Martin Lewis website.

MST people rent is more than that on less money. Ignore him.

Most people could only dream of a 65k salary!

I have a friend with a similar rent and is single with a couple of cats. She has a very active social life - going out for drinks, food, paddleboarding etc and shes on just short of 40k a year! She also has what I'd call a luxury car also!

My own parents at one stage about 12 years ago won a very large, life changing amount of money. When I've been looking for a house, they haven't offered anything, never mind 50k for a deposit. I think the most I got from them was a one off 1k gift which was appreciated and I never once complained. I also wouldn't expect any help or contribution from them for a house etc as its my house?

Put it this way - I am on my own, on 35k a year, almost half his salary and also with a child and I cope okay. I still save money (some months I don't). I don't ask for a penny from anyone else. I have found myself struggling more recently, so I will be reassessing my finances like any other responsible adult. I won't be running to bank of mummy and daddy that's for sure.

Lol he asked for money to get blinds fitted. Has he got a serious gambling or cocaine problem

We are a family of 6 on a similar income and our rent is £1500. He needs to suck it up and be grateful for what he has.

Well I still think your parents were tight, even if you don’t!

This thread isn’t about you ffs, we’ve heard more about your set up than OPs son at this point. Start your own thread if you want attention.

Maybe so, but I didn't have and still don't have a right to their money, as an adult.

I have one surviving grandparent, and as sad as it sounds, I probably wouldn't be able to upgrade or afford my "ideal home" without inheritance. My grandad has been careful his entire life and has a lot of savings built up. He loves looking after us all, and will frequently try to throw money at you (I refuse it though!)

You can imagine my face when I discovered that he updated his will recently to remove the grandchildren and leave my mum as sole inheritor, with an instruction to split "as she sees fit or reasonable". So I know I am probably going to see about 1% of that, if any.

My bio dad died when I was 6, and basically all of his inheritance was spent by my mum to buy us a house (bio dad was ex army and mum decided to move back home) so I've had nothing to show from that either.

Assuming he's only P2 he'll still be taking home around £3500, even after a 5% pension contribution. I agree, he's just trying it on!

You don't indeed and quiet acceptance is probably the only way to keep sane and happy. Good for you. I hope you get a bit of luck fall your way!

When we bought our first property we saved if we wanted blinds or anything else for our flat / house. At no point would i have asked or expected my parents to fund 'electric blinds' for my new home and that £65k salary is more than some whole family's have coming in. This is an entitled person who needs to learn to stand on his own 2 feet and understand that he is now past the point that bank of mum & dad is going to step up.
I think you have done your bit OP this man is an adult and needs to start taking responsibility for his own finances.

I've just chosen ultimately to work hard and graft! You can't depend on anybody but yourself!

It hasn't ruined my relationship with my mum either, we have a great relationship and bond.

OP needs to learn boundaries. A lot of adults children automatically think they are entitled for access to money or financial help from their parents. But it isn't their money. Even if your parents are multi millionaires (mine aren't BTW!) They still technically, owe you nothing if that is what they decide.

I once managed a girl whose dad was a millionaire and owned Subway franchises. She got a job in a call center for as she quoted "pocket money" and her dad funded everything else - her luxury Jaguars, her house, her 3 trips per year to the Maldives and her wardrobe. Let me tell you though, that deep down, she was a very troubled girl who was severely depressed and had a lot of personal problems which I helped her with. Money and handing out an easy life to your kids does not necessarily mean they will be happy.

Bloody heck he's pleading poverty and he earns 65k!!!! The average salary is about £25k. I'm sure he's fine!!
You don't need to help him financially!!