To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

He is a spoilt brat and you haven't equipped him adequately for adulthood. Stop subsidising him.

He needs to learn to live within his means. Cheapo Ikea paper blinds until he's saved up. Yes kitting out a house is expensive but you don't do it all at once.

It's for all her bills.
None the less, she is not scraping by.

*iopg

This seems unanimous! I feel much less bad about saying no. DH says even if they were ten quid we should say no! (He wanted electric ones which is why there were so much)*

This is a great lesson in what he wants versus what he can afford and whether having electric blinds as opposed to the manual ones, (which will likely stay with his property when it is sold) will get his money back or add anything to the property value.

Maybe if he truly wants them he could work weekends doing some minimum wage freelance gig type job and then he can work out whether he wants the blinds so much that he will happily work every Saturday or Sunday for the next 5 months to pay for them. It might give him a reality check. Don’t forget he is on 40% tax so even at £10 per hour he will only be coming out with around £5 per hour after deductions.
If he can’t be bothered then point him to Ikea £5 blinds, Poundland fit equipment and a few YouTube/TikTok videos showing how to fit the blinds himself

Does nobody learn to read at school anymore? £600 is for ALL BILLS. My council tax is alone is £110. Gas, electricity and water all come to about £150. My food bill is not overly extravagant, given that I need to follow a certain diet.

Yes, I can afford to go on holiday because I DON'T HAVE KIDS. I spent on holidays WHAT YOU SPEND ON YOUR KIDS. Or are you going to tell me now that your three kids cost you less than £3600 a year? Because I highly doubt that.

How is this not getting into your head? You CHOSE to have kids. If you wanted to have nice holidays instead, you could have made the exact same life choices as me.

How is it so hard?

All this "but in London" stuff is bollocks.

London housing is significantly more expensive than elsewhere but everything else is more expesnive, but not wildly more expensive (and some things are cheaper).

So, this lad's £1000 mortgage is already covered in the sums done. He still has shitloads of money left at the end of each month from his salary (which is twice the London median salary) and if he can't life a perfectly nice life on it then he either has a gambling, drugs or other compulsion problem.

This is ridiculous @iopg

My DS is mid twenties, lives in London paying £950 a month rent (plus utilities, council tax etc etc) He has about £80k of student loans to pay off.

He earns £27k (creative industry = shit money)

Yes, I supplement his income by £250 a month, otherwise he wouldn’t eat, but seriously, your DS is taking the piss.

It's hysterical how people are acting like they're oh so virtuous and so thrifty when people like me are subsidising their lives.

"I've got three kids and live on way less than you" - yes and what about all the child benefit, tax credits, free nursery places, universal credit, housing benefit, and God knows what else? I don't begrudge anyone having all this but I do resent people acting like I can't be struggling when I get absolutely bugger all given to me for free.

I don't think some people understand what genuinely paying for everything alone feels like. Even from a mental perspective, if my boiler breaks down, I have nobody to reassure me, help me deal with it, pick up extra hours at work. I need to sort it myself, asap. And people think it's a luxury to save? Mental.

Or maybe he's saving for emergencies, as any responsible new homeowner should be doing? There's nothing extravagant about my lifestyle to anyone with a lick of sense and some basic reading comprehension, and I don't have money for anything like drugs.

I agree he shouldn't be asking his parents for money at all, but he does not have "shitloads" of money left if he's saving up at all.

People think I'm broke because I never have money to go out because I put £500 a month into my emergency fund. When I say I can't afford to go out, I'm not hinting at anyone to pay for me, I'm just making a factual statement that I don't have the cash. I consider saving money essential, and I would not be able to enjoy a meal out or a holiday knowing that I had nothing saved in the bank.

Who's to say he's not like this?

The £80K of loans is irrelevant on that salary,

Presumably bills are low if he's flat sharing (and if he isn't, why isn't he?)

£27K is a low salary for London, but it's certainly not "ask your parents for money or don't eat" low. Most people that age support themselves on that salary without parental help.

I think he's having you on just like OP's son!

Well if he is, he's even more of a piss taker. Thousands in the bank and tapping up his parents for high end home furnishings? WTF.

And, @LaydeeDi you have a very very skewed idea of what is 'essential' and continuing to list a who load of discretionary items as such just makes you look even more out of touch.

You seem to be taking this incredibly personally @LaydeeDi. I can understand that many people on your income are not living the high life in London due to high living costs. You however are taking it to a whole new parsimonious level due to your concerns about debt or emergency expenses. Fair enough. Presumably in a year when you’ve wracked up £10k in savings ( or whatever the target is) you will feel more comfortable and can ease off. I’m not sure what this has to do with the OPs son who has been gifted £50k…. Doesn’t have a huge mortgage and is seemingly expecting help to buy electric blinds. We don’t even know he’s in London.

I also don’t really see what this has to do with other people having children or not.

My 20 year old son is in a just above mínimum wage job and I sub him £200/month. He doesn't pay rent but does pay Council tax, utilities, gym fees, transport, motorcycle insurance all food etc. He treats himself to a KFC on payday but it pretty frugal the rest of the time, bringing in a packed lunch and shopping at Aldi/Lidl and the bargain shelf at Tesco - what most people do who don't have much disposable income! His weakness is clothes so he saves up if he has his eye on something.
Budgeting is an important life skill and your son is on a good wage. He should be ashamed having to ask his parents for a handout.

@LaydeeDi He shares with one other, and yes, utility bills are high these days.

His student loan isn’t irrelevant as he earns enough to have to repay on top of all other outgoings.

Believe me, I have sat down with him and done a full budget. With commuting costs and everything else, he does need support in order to have just the few little pleasures in life. Being able to go to the cinema or out for a friends birthday dinner.

Maybe you consider those things wild extravagances, we’re all different.

If he does as you suggest, then he still has shitloads of money left at the end of the month - it's just sitting in his emergency fund.

And people might think you are broke, and you may tell them you are broke, but you are not broke. Money is savings is your money, to do with as you choose. You can afford to go out, but you choose not to. That's fine, but you're not broke if you have a big pot of savings that you choose not to spend right now.

(You do have money for drugs. You have at least £800 a month you could spend on crack, if you wanted.)

i earn the same, my rent is £950. i run 2 cars, a horse lorry, 3 horses and always out doing something each weekend (horse show, car event etc). I get by just fine!! What's he spending it all on?

Is his name Sheridan?

I live in London. Yes it is expensive re housing costs but there are lots of stuff which isn’t or the same price.

I moved back to London about 25 years ago and despite having a bigger and more expensive house my bills actually reduced. Even my council tax/rates reduced by £50 per month.

I do think people get wrapped up in the salary they earn, thinking they can buy whatever they want because they are on a big salary and work hard so deserve blinds that work by motor as opposed to pulling a cord. They deserve the Uber fare as opposed to swiping your Oyster card or walking home.

The reality is salaries are finite and £65k once you make the deductions for mortgage, student loan, tax, NI and bills there is a set amount left. If you fritter that amount on crap or things that weren’t necessary then when you actually want something you can’t have it without taking on another job and being a bit more savvy with the money you do have.

What has having kids got to do with it? He DOESN'T have children. We are discussing whether a salary of 65k is enough to afford luxuries, and whether someone on that salary would need help from mummy and daddy to buy blinds and should be subsidised.
As a single person on 65k with a mortgage of 1k a month, there is a huge amount of disposable income, as you have proved with your breakdown of huge holiday spends and subscriptions and savings. I'm not begrudging your 3600 a month holiday fund, just pointing out that it's disposable money, and if you can afford a 3600 holiday you shouldn't have your begging bowl out for blinds. What don't you get about that?

If someone earned 100k and put 3k a month into emergency savings, would they still be able to plead poverty too? I mean, they are just saving for a rainy day, just being extra careful 🙄 At what point does it become disposable income?

And if he is 'prioritising' savings as you suggested, what right does he have to ask for his parents money so he can prioritise his savings. What about their lifestyle expenses and their savings?

If that is what he wants for his own house, he can fucking pay for them himself.

You are not helping him by buying him things like this, you are indulging him.

The yanbus are unanimous on this thread with one notable exception. I suggest everyone ignores that poster as they are impossibly rude, have a bee in their bonnet about "a bunch of mothers having children they can't afford" (WTF?), accusing people of lacking reading and comprehension skills (ironic) and one has to assume just goading. Also they posted for the first time yesterday so ...

I agree with pp that London is cheaper to live in than many parts of the country - certainly transport and some water and council tax bills. The only exception is housing (it is a big exception) but we know OP's son is only paying £1000 mortgage which is NOT a big spend out of a £65,000 salary for a SINGLE person who is ONLY 28!!

Once again, yanbu, OP .

What Monsteramuch said

I've explained exactly why!!! To show that actually, this is not at all "living it up and buying loads of drugs" money for someone paying a mortgage and bills alone!

He definitely shouldn't be asking parents for help, as I've said many times now, but the hysterical comments about coke habits are just ridiculous.

I'm not disagreeing with you on any of that whatsoever. I totally agree that he shouldn't be asking parents for help, and I've said that all along. I think even on £25K he shouldn't be asking parents for help. I would consider help from parents appropriate only in true emergencies, like genuinely not being able to do a food shop because you've had an emergency expense like the dentist. It's hard to save up an emergency fund on that kind of money. Otherwise, no, people should not be asking for help as adults.

Once again, for the umpteenth time, my point was that it's pretty easy to spend this kind of money in London without going near drugs, gambling or anything remotely decadent. If I even had an average social life, like going on dates, going out for dinner, going to the cinema, etc. I would not have a holiday fund at all. It's hardly a luxury lifestyle to go without everything else, including having a family, so you can go on holiday.

This country truly is a race to the bottom.