To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

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Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

Hmm £50k house deposit from mummy and daddy and still wants more?
I think the bank of mum and dad bollocks needs to stop, it's getting ridiculous.

I didn't do that you. You invented that. I simply showed my outgoings to demonstrate that, actually, 65K doesn't go that far in London as a single person if you want to be responsible and save for emergencies. Nothing more than that. Everything else is invented in your own head.

It's just incredibly odd to me that the very same people who think I'm so very rich and so very fortunate wouldn't think twice about spending hundreds of pounds a month on the children they chose to have. The fact I chose to have more financial security over children means I'm somehow privileged, does it?

There's something missing there, and I don't understand why you can't see it.

Same to you!

Anyone can afford one if they give up enough for it. It's a stupid point.

My post was designed to demonstrate that the vast majority of 65K disappears on essentials when you're a lone mortgage payer in London, and whether you choose to save the rest or spend the rest, you can easily make the rest disappear without going anywhere near a drug!

I can only imagine the people acting like 65K is a fortune haven't been anywhere near London in the last decade. Nobody is saying it's bad. I'm saying it's not "so much money you don't know what to do with it" kind of money. If I lived a lifestyle other than being a hermit, I wouldn't have any money left, even if I never took a drug, smoked a cigarette or did anything remotely decadent.

Hope that helps.

My entire monthly household income is just about £2500, mortgage is nearly £900 a month before bills, insurance, life cover etc. I support our family on that and still have enough for a few little treats...

He's either spending it on unnecessary things, has a habit or is punting it into saving and expecting you to foot the bill for his living expenses.

@LaydeeDi
I
literally do almost nothing to be able to save. I have no life. I can't go on dates, I can't go out for dinner, I can't buy clothes, I can't get my hair dyed at a salon
You CAN do these things, you CHOOSE to save £800pm, save £400 and live a bit, why must you save constantly?

You have a lot of outgoings that would be the same wherever you lived and a lot that could be cut before you're at the point of stretching yellow sticker plastic bread and a jar of value peanut butter as far as they will go, @LaydeeDi

Yes, it's important to save if you have the spare cash but in your first few months in a new house, it's not going to be your first priority and that discretionary holiday fund would be spent at IKEA, instead.

Maybe he does t want to spend money on boring things like blinds. Did he want to buy a house . I dunno OP I think you e gone above and beyond for him and should take a giant step back. Don't be so involved with him. Practice saying "mmm" and walk away and change the subject . Just don't be discussing his life so detailed

Because if something needs fixing in my home, I have nobody else to pay for it?

Why is it bothering you so much that I'm responsible and careful?

Where, though? In my hometown, that would go really far. In London, you'd be really struggling. Without knowing where he lives, you can't possibly know what he spends his money on.

I would argue that it absolutely should be your first priority in the first few months after buying! I'm basically saving every penny I can until I get to the recommended emergency fund amount for my income and outgoings. The holiday fund would of course become part of the emergency fund if it had to. I didn't think that needed saying.

I haven't bought anything but the bare minimum for my flat. I'm making do without blinds and other things until I have that fund together.

I have been at the point of using yellow sticker items. I've used food banks plenty of times. Why do you think I was so determined to better my situation? Why do you think I'm so cautious with money? If you look at what I spend, yes, it really is the bare minimum. I've even now cancelled my gym membership. I have pretty much nothing other than streaming services to do. If that's what it takes to feel secure, I'll do it.

It's really amazing how the whole concept of location cost is so alien to so many people. People are saying they're "only" on 20K, as if that's nothing. That's a fortune in most of the world, so does that make them rich? Because 20K a year in Bangladesh is good money?

My main point, which most of you managed to miss, is that 2/3 of my takehome pay goes on essential outgoings. Truly essential outgoings. If I want to save even enough to cover some fairly minor unexpected costs, I need a minimum of £500 saved each month. That really doesn't leave much. I'm not saying I'm struggling, I'm saying it's not the kind of money where you can live it up and not worry about it. It's so funny because I'm sure some of you are smokers (and I'm sure you won't admit to it) - how much does that cost you each month? How much do your kids cost? Your car? All those things you pay for and I don't? Why can't you see that if I made the choices you made and if I lived your lifestyle, I probably wouldn't be any better off than you?

How on earth do you earn what you earn with such poor reading comprehension? Or by staying up late arguing with people on the Internet?

I think your son has a really good income and should be fine.
What might be the problem is thinking he can get his house all decorated and kitted out with new stuff in one go rather than over a number of years.

Re the blinds - he wants a company to fit electric blinds but cant afford them. Would you or your husband have the skills to help him measure up and fit ordinary blinds if your son buys them off the internet? We had a company fit a number of blinds including an electric one (which is great) but we did this mostly because we have no diy skills. If someone confident offered to help us fit blinds I would have been grateful.

Similarly if he needs white goods encourage him to check out second hand such as British Heart Foundation furniture shops (ours delivers) - he can save for fancy american fridge freezers etc over time. We have full height 6 foot fridge and seperate freezer £100 each. Even on his wage he can’t afford the best of everything in one go - especially not if he wants money for socialising.

My SIL used to ask MIL for money for ''essentials'' like dentist work because she knew if she asked for funds to buy the motorbike she bought, she wouldn't have been given the money.... very clever indeed.

My reading comprehension is perfect, although I did have to read your post several times to figure out what on earth any of it had to do with the point. I just chose not to engage in your silly strawman-style arguments.

Haven’t RTFT. Your DH is right, you need to stop subsidizing him. He’s earning a good salary and most ppl have to cut back when they’ve just bought a house-DH and I were flat broke when we bought our house, we didn’t buy any window treatments for about two years- used some old curtains in our bedroom, but the other windows were bare!

we have less then that income, four kids, no family help and a SAHP. I suggest you offer to help him streamline his outgoings and be more economic. He can rent a room out if he doesn’t want to cut his cloth to suit. And surely he should have just used borrowed/charity shop curtains or a bit of material/paper over the window and saved up for the blinds. He seems quite entitled.

@LaydeeDi people like to live miserably in this country and feel that others should too. I am with you London is very expensive so ridiculous to think he is having a drug habit. Well done for not relying on benefits as most here choose to do at the expense of others.

Well done for not relying on benefits as most here choose to do at the expense of others

Give over. You haven’t the faintest idea what anyone’s situation is on this board. If LaydeeDi wants to sit in with her box dye and Netflix remote I’m sure no one else will object.

My post was designed to demonstrate that the vast majority of 65K disappears on essentials when you're a lone mortgage payer in London

Nah.

don't give him a penny. And you should really ask him if he has an issue with money you are happy to sit down with him and go through his statements and account to help him live within his means.

people are on half that pay £1.5k for a room. cheeky git

Wtf that's embarrassing. He needs to stop receiving money. Stop giving him money.

Haha is he having a laugh. Lots of people in their 20s in London , on that salary or less, paying his mortgage amount or more in rent and they still manage…..
your husband is too soft 🤣

You're actually being offensive to people who genuinely only live with essentials.
You are totally deluded. £600 on food for a month for one person is more than my food bill for a family of 5, with two people with allergies.
One of your posts is so 'poor me' it is embarrassing. Poor you with a £3600 a year holiday fund scraping by on the bare essentials.

You're not the only person to live in London, and you need to get out more as you'll realise that a drug habit isn't that unusual at all, in fact it's very common.
Whether he's spending it on drugs or not is irrelevant, he has a very high disposable income, can afford many luxuries and doesn't need help with buying electric blinds from mummy and daddy.

£600 on food for one isn’t scraping. I spend between 900 and 1200 for 7 of us (and we eat well).