To think this is surely enough to live on or are we being stingy parents?!

[iopg]

Our DS is often asking us for money. Last year he was promoted and earns 65k. He does have student loan repayments taken out of that and his mortgage is 1k a month. We know these details as we provided the deposit on the house last year.

He often says he’s struggling for money or he can’t afford a meal out etc, but doesn’t directly ask us for money. It’s making us feel uncomfortable as we don’t want him to struggle but also we are not hugely wealthy. We gave him 50k last year as a house deposit and thought that would set him up. He’s 28 and had saved 20k himself but that went on legal fees and towards the deposit, moving costs etc. He has no debts.

What would you think in this scenario? On the online calendar 65k seems a lot even after a 1k mortgage, which we do appreciate is huge.

Not bitter at all, just in hysterics at the irony of a bunch of women who chose to have children they couldn't afford acting like someone putting away money for emergencies is living some kind of high life. It's hilarious. So I could have children, and that would fine, but putting away money precisely so I don't end up begging friends, family and the taxpayer for support is a "choice"??

I haven't once claimed to be poor. I'm saying 65K in London, as a single person paying a mortgage and bills alone, is a long, long way of being rich, and anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded.

I 100% agree with this and have said so, so what's your point?

I'm saying that the people insinuating he must have a gambling or drug habit are being ridiculous.

All you’re doing is proving that he CAN afford it very comfortably.

That's more than our household income and we manage just fine. We still have annual holidays and trips away. If he can't manage on 65k a year as a single person I'd be concerned about a drugs or gambling problem.

My best friend had a similar income and he said it came to a head when one pay day his wife asked him to pick up a Chinese on the way home and he realised after he paid his drug debts he couldn't afford it. Thankfully he's clean now but he would often borrow money off me and I was on half his wage.

Well if he’s so poor he can’t afford blinds, maybe that’s because he’s putting 800 a month towards drugs rather than savings 🙄

@LaydeeDi
But your outgoings aren’t so high that you can’t afford a gym membership, a very healthy savings buffer (EVERY MONTH) and a very healthy and completely non-essential holiday fund.

So even in London you’re still rich!

My guess at you being in London was less to do with the financial practicalities and entirely to do with the complete cluelessness you have about how the rest of the country operates.

There’s nothing wrong with earning what you earn and living the way you do - chapeau - but please for the love of god stop telling the rest of us how hard done by you are. You have no grasp on reality outside your own very lovely life. Just be content and enjoy it.

It's unlikely to be that he's probably just committed.to too many finance deals such as an unnecessarily recent/ luxury car and the increased costs that needs, all of the subscriptions to Internet streaming services, private healthcare, menu delivery, gym membership. Too many things that fit with a lifestyle that's in excess of his income. They add up fast.

Or maybe not drugs, but just normal lifestyle stuff like going out for the odd meal, date or buying jeans?

I'm not arguing that he needs to prioritise better if he wants his blinds, I'm saying that it's far more likely he's just living a normal life than having a coke habit.

I literally have to live like a hermit to save 800 a month. If I lived the same lifestyle as most people I know, I'd have nothing to save.

@LaydeeDi
OMG you just keep getting funnier and funnier! Imagine thinking that regular dinners and Prets and daily coffees and shows and Ubers and date nights are just what we should all expect as a basic level of living?!?

You are beyond cosseted. If you really worry and scrimp when you have £800 a month leftover (after gym and multiple steaming accounts etc) and your are deliberately depriving yourself of all the other things you mention because you’re SO worried about money on a daily basis, then I genuinely suggest you get outside of London. It’s messing with your head.

He's a cheeky fucker
Me and DH don't warn £65 between us our mortgage is £800 plus 2 kids one who lives away that we fully support and we don't need parental help

It's just hilarious how people outside London think we have this amazing life. If it's so good, why don't you come and do it?

I literally do almost nothing to be able to save. I have no life. I can't go on dates, I can't go out for dinner, I can't buy clothes, I can't get my hair dyed at a salon. Most importantly, I can't afford to have children!

What part of this is screaming "great lifestyle" to you? I'm not saying I'm poor, I'm saying I need to cut back on almost everything to be able to save up an emergency fund in my first year of home ownership - at almost 40! If I didn't do this extreme cutting back, I'd have nothing to save, like OP's son. That's the point that everyone has missed. You don't need to be on drugs to find 65K tight when you're a sole earner and sole mortgage payer in one of the most expensive cities in the world.

If you're so hard done by, how have you justified the decision to have children? Genuinely curious.

I’m quite shocked by this. I have never asked my parents for money and I’m 41! When my husband and I bought our first place and had no curtains we went to charity shops and saved up to get John Lewis ones. I would have been mortified to ask. And I wasn’t on anything like 65k!

How much do you earn? How many children do you have? How much do those children cost you? How much help do you get from the taxpayer?

Go on, post the figures, like I did.

I'm pretty sure that if I had children, I'd be scraping by, but please do enlighten me.

I have to agree. Does he work in finance and has a cocaine habit??

@LaydeeDi
You have manage to become a home owner, as a single person, in one of the most expensive cities in the world before the age of 40. And you have £800 a month leftover, every single month, after all your bills and little luxuries are paid for.

You must be in the highest percentage of “very comfortable” people financially speaking int the whole country.

Your self-flagellation about depriving yourself of Prets and theatre shows and coffees and Ubers and all the other crazy things you mention is entirely unnecessary if that’s what you really want to be doing. You could spend £500 a month on such frivolities and still have at least £300 put away in savings for your disaster fund. Which is pretty bloody good.

Just enjoy the very fortunate life you have! It’s a wonderful thing, and no one begrudges you it! But don’t be so bloody rude and condescending to rest of us.

You gave him 50K and are thinking you might be being stingy?
How has this pattern of him (a grown, independent man) emerged?

Well obviously, but Im pointing out why people think he COULD afford a drug habit, not that I think he has one.

But you're totally missing what I sacrificed to get here. I don't have children.

Do YOU have children? If you do, would you be willing to give them up to live in a one-bed flat in London and carve out some financial security for yourself?

If your answer to this is no, you don't have a leg to stand on, sorry.

He'll be getting around £3.5k net after the student loan but before pension - so that leaves £2.5k a month for food, bills, entertainment - and sorting out stuff for his home.
He may need blinds or whatever for his home - introduce him to the delights of Ikea or Argos or buying second hand - shock horror, he may have to start off with something cheap and cheerful & replace it in a few years time. Did you have everything top quality and your first choice when you moved into your home?
Some of my Ikea furniture stayed with me for 20+ years.

Someone on the dole and housing benefit could afford a drug habit if they prioritised it. Not sure what your point is.

Then why did you say he couldn’t afford one?! Do you even think before you type?? My god!

Huh? I‘m really confused at what you’re driving at. You started all this by declaring how precarious and financially worriesome your existence is, comparing yourself to the OP’s sim and questioning why we are all
so incredulous at where his healthy income disappears to, and we all pointed out that’s patently nonsense. That’s all we’re debating here.

You seem to have now moved onto something else, with multiple references to people having children they can’t afford, and living off the taxpayer (neither true in my case, for what it’s worth).

But I’m off to bed now. Good luck, good thoughts, and good night to you.

You're doing him no favours giving him handouts in these circumstances. He is taking the mick. I know people supporting whole families on less. And they didn't have 50k from parents for a deposit. If he is struggling he is mismanaging his money

I lived off exactly this before having my baby and was absolutely fine- saved and took holidays. However if you're bad with money it is very very easy to spend this salary each month.
If he's smart enough to earn 65k though he's smart enough to budget- he just needs to cut down on probably some of these-

• Ubers
• take away orders
• rounds in pubs
• stag dos
• very up to date tech

He’s quite used to his hand outs, lives accordingly, and feels entitled to more, more, more.