Daughter has wrecked the walls

[whatthehell1e]

8 year old daughter in a tantrum as I told her off for her behaviour yesterday (she painted the wardrobe in my room with her paints). I walked upstairs and she has sprayed her room, my room, hallway and her brother’s wall in baby oil. Whole brand new bottle. I have wiped it with towels but it’s not coming off. It looks like it has but after 5th attempt the wall dries but oil marks very visible. I’m really stressed. We cannot afford to decorate it all and it looks horrendous. I actually thought it was damp before I saw the empty oil bottle.

Thank you all. I’ve tried sugar soap won’t work! I e done 3 times today. I also bought white vinegar but didn’t work. I had a great idea (or so I thought) to use oven cleaner! It’s de greasing so thought it would work but no didn’t either.

next step is to use a stain blocker spray and paint over the areas

Did you use the sugar soap spray, @whatthehell1e ? The powder stuff is better as you need hot water to shift the oil, and you need to work your way up the wall, as otherwise you'll get drips that won't shift.

Otherwise, I found this online:

I think it's time to stop cleaning the walls and focus on your DD. The walls can be painted later.

If I was you I would ask for a proper meeting, take someone with you for support if you don't feel confident, and say 'I have serious concerns about my DD's behaviour, I want to understand what's happening at school and what options exist for getting support and assessments.'

You need to keep a record of her behaviour. Read up on possible conditions to see if any match up to what you're seeing.

It isn't easy to get help, but the only option is to try.

I would talk to her about why she did it and make cleaning it together a positive way of her making it up to you and also a bonding thing. she’s angry, there must be a reason she may need your support

My son has form for doing just silly things like this and he did have ADHD. He's got really poor impulse control at times and thinks I wonder what would happen if I did x or y.

8 was a bit of a pinnacle for it if I remember. Its not always bourne of sheer naughtiness for want of a better word, more morbid curiosity. When challenged he would be devastated and unable to articulate why he had done said thing.

Decorating stain block, it's used to cover stains etc before painting, might be worth trying

Sometimes bad behaviour is just bad behaviour. Sometimes children aren’t given boundaries, or taught to follow rules. It’s not always linked to ND

Me too …

Urgent- have her assessed by competent child psychologist- she may be young enough to still help

Baby oil looks like water, it’s unlikely a child would understand the damage baby oil can do

This behaviour is a sign that she was having a destructive strop and had access to baby oil.

@MoxieFox good post.

It's interesting how 25% of posters are more than concerns about the child and why she has done this. Asking for compassionate snd rational approaches and 75% are out raged by the "little madams" behavior and get her on that naughty step etc punish, remove, sanction...

So, my dear niece was a bit of a handful with her ADHD - a model pupil at school but with a tendency to let her emotions run wild at home. She'd erupt in anger and struggle to keep herself in check, poor impulse control, much to the chagrin of her siblings (who really didn't appreciate the drama). She chucked a paper weight in my sisters general direction! Her dear ol' dad was cut from the same cloth and was similar when he was younger. Thankfully, she's come on leaps and bounds since those tempestuous days and if anything she gets very embarrassed when old stories are brought up.

An idea, just an idea:

1. Absorb all excess oil: Begin by usiing a clean cloth or rag to blot away excess oil from the surface.

1. Apply dish soap: Put some (clear) dish soap on another clean sponge or cloth and gently rub the oil-covered area.

1. Use warm water: Wet a fresh clean sponge or cloth with warm water and wring it out. Wjipe the area again to remove the oil and the dish soap.

1. Repeat: If there is still some residual oil on the surface, repeat the process until the oil is completely removed.

1. Dry the surface: Once the oil is completely removed, take a dry cloth to dry off the surface.

Note: If the oil stain is still visible or the above method does not work, consider using a degreasker or a commerciall cleaning product specifically designed to remove oil stains from walls.

On this side of the pond 'sugar soap' is known as TSP, short for tri-sodium phosphate.

@MoxieFox Excellent comment. Totally agree.

What? How exactly are owning an iPad and spraying baby oil around connected?

Just leave it ! dig it , it’s really fine !

It’s extreme but I wouldn’t be jumping to neurodiversity or trauma. It’s something I could have done at her age and there was nothing wrong with me, just a vindictive streak and short temper!

You say it was in revenge for telling her off for painting your wardrobe. How is she with expressing her emotions? I’m wondering if she painted the wardrobe thinking she was doing something nice for you (making it pretty) and she is feeling hurt and stunned by the way you received it. I think asking her to help you clean it up is a good idea, along with setting out really clearly the boundaries of appropriate creativity - don’t decorate someone else’s stuff/the house/anything but paper or whatever your personal boundary is. And try to avoid unconnected punishments - you need her to feel that you aren’t being unreasonable so that she doesn’t lash out again.

Oil is so hard to get off. You have my sympathy. We got a stain blocker spray type thing for something my toddler did with sticky goo stuff. Then paint over the patch. If it’s wallpaper it’s not going to come out sorry.

Memories. Entire house had to be re-painted after a little visitor crayons every single panel within reach, in every room in our house just as we put it on the market. Happy days.

Use sugar soap, it costs about £6 for an undiluted bottle. Works very well.

If all else fails just sand the walls a little and use stain/damp blocker paint. Won’t let the oil stain come though.

Utterly awful behaviour. Her ipad would be gone full stop & there would be some major consequences for that. It's very shocking that an 8 year old would do that deliberately & it's disturbing behaviour.

Talcum powder sprinkled on and left while it draws off the oil over some days. Then brush off and see how much removed. Works on fat oil stains on clothes