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AIBU?

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Original poster

Wedding etiquette

145 replies

worrypo · 05/09/2023 14:45

Going to my nephews wedding (my husbands side). Just wondering how much should be spent on their gift from a family of four (will be me, my husband, adult daughter and adult son going to wedding). Was just going to get them a gift from us as a family rather than separate.

I have already got them two champagne flutes which were £40 reduced to £20.

They have asked for cash so basically just wondering how much is appropriate to give them from family of 4?

Thank you

OP posts:
hylian · 05/09/2023 14:59

Probably not the answer you're looking for but, how long's a piece of string?

It depends on several factors including your income and how close you are to them.

DelilahJane · 05/09/2023 15:03

€200per adult person, but then I'm Irish and I think we tend to go a bit overboard for celebrations.

Stratocumulus · 05/09/2023 15:05

I never give cash. Somehow I see this as vulgar but I don’t know why. It’s quite irrational!

I usually give a John Lewis or some kind of household voucher.

If all 4 of you are working would £100 be acceptable for your budget?

Ducksinthebath · 05/09/2023 15:07

Depends on your family circumstances really. I wouldn't consider less than £200 as a group if it's on behalf of 4 adults.

I personally would give a bit more than that based on my own circumstances and that it's a family wedding.

shitetatts · 05/09/2023 15:08

If it's from 4 working adults I'd say £250-£400.

PinkRoses1245 · 05/09/2023 15:09

For 4 adults I’d say £200.

AgentProvocateur · 05/09/2023 15:09

For a nephew, from four adults, I’d say £400-£500

pinkyredrose · 05/09/2023 15:09

£100 is more than enough.

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2023 15:10

No less than £200 and I'd return the champagne flutes.

toomuchforonewoman · 05/09/2023 15:11

Family of 4 adults £400. NOBODY getting married will want a gift of champagne flutes though

QueenOfTheLabyrinth · 05/09/2023 15:11

£100pp but no less than £50pp since your children are adults.

Also, if they asked for cash then I’d just do cash & not get gifts / vouchers. I’d return the champagne flutes, by asking for cash they were trying to avoid gifts like that.

ComtesseDeSpair · 05/09/2023 15:13

No less than £50pp for 4 adults.

Return the flutes or use them for something else. Like many adults I have champagne flutes spilling out of the cupboard because I’ve lived alone for years and years and hosted a lot of dinners and parties. They’re not a special occasion gift anymore.

cherryassam · 05/09/2023 15:14

Between £200 and £400 for four adults depending on how far you’ve had to travel / how much you’ve had to spend to attend / whether your DC are working or students

Aquamarine1029 · 05/09/2023 15:15

toomuchforonewoman · 05/09/2023 15:11

Family of 4 adults £400. NOBODY getting married will want a gift of champagne flutes though

Literally nobody. Just useless clutter.

DailyMailHater · 05/09/2023 15:15

Recently went to my nieces wedding (husbands side) 2 adults and a teenage child - we gifted £150 in John Lewis vouchers (they requested JL vouchers)

we are very close to them see them weekly etc we don’t have much disposable income and saved for a few months to do this because we wanted to but due to feeling we had too. they wouldn’t have batted an eyelid if we had just given them a card and no gift.

WtfHormones · 05/09/2023 15:15

£40

Broodywuz · 05/09/2023 15:15

I'd say no less than £500 for a family of 4 adults as a gift for an all day wedding.

SiobhanSharpe · 05/09/2023 15:16

I reckon £250 minimum if funds allow. It's family, after all and there are four of you going.

jays · 05/09/2023 15:18

£200-£400 realistically, I’d probably expect them to use the cash as spending money for their honeymoon

DuploTrain · 05/09/2023 15:18

Generally we do £50 per person… so £200.

pinkpirlie · 05/09/2023 15:18

Have only had one wedding since I had enough income to give gifts. A few years ago I struggled to give £20 and often had to just give a card.
I gave £50 to those friends, so would probably give £100 for family now. If your children can contribute £25 each perhaps increase to £150? (Although I never went to either of my cousins weddings so gave nothing)

agree with the PP who said it will vary depending on what you can afford and how close you are.

Broodywuz · 05/09/2023 15:18

WtfHormones · 05/09/2023 15:15

£40

Seriously!! Do you know most weddings (pretty much all unless you're doing it on the super cheap) cost well over £100per adult just for the meal/arrival drink. Not that people get married to get their money back but i think £10pp gift is just rude, if you're thinking around this amount op, i'd just give the champagne flutes and no money

Amwondering69 · 05/09/2023 15:19

£200 plus for 4 adults Definitely don't bother with Champagne Flutes!

Photio · 05/09/2023 15:21

If all 4 working I'd say £300. So would work out £200 from parents and £50 from each young adult.
If they are students than I'd say £250

HidingMyGratitude · 05/09/2023 15:21

Bloody hell. These numbers are insane.

OP, our family only has cash gift only weddings and our wedding was on the larger side (cost £30k). We also paid for transportation and accommodation in a Hilton for all.

Even then we expected only £50 from friends and £100 from close family like siblings and aunts.

And by and large this is what we got and we were more than happy with it.

Definitely don’t give more than £100, and if £50 is what you can afford that’s perfect.