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Original poster

Wedding etiquette

145 replies

worrypo · 05/09/2023 14:45

Going to my nephews wedding (my husbands side). Just wondering how much should be spent on their gift from a family of four (will be me, my husband, adult daughter and adult son going to wedding). Was just going to get them a gift from us as a family rather than separate.

I have already got them two champagne flutes which were £40 reduced to £20.

They have asked for cash so basically just wondering how much is appropriate to give them from family of 4?

Thank you

OP posts:
Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 05/09/2023 15:47

Christ alive, by the amounts bandied about on here you’re ending up spending around £500+ (not including your wedding outfits, travel costs and drinks costs). You shouldn’t have to pay that ridiculous amount to go celebrate someone’s wedding with them, that’s disgusting.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2023 15:50

DelilahJane · 05/09/2023 15:03

€200per adult person, but then I'm Irish and I think we tend to go a bit overboard for celebrations.

I'm gonna marry an Irishman next time round!!

Guess I'm gonna be a bad Aunty when I go to my nephew's wedding later this year. Train fare, paying for our own "wedding breakfast" at the restaurant plus drinks all day, hotel cos it's 100+ miles away. He won't be getting £200

Jessbow · 05/09/2023 15:54

Crazy ammounts mentioned- give what you ca afford.

Cover your plate? Pretty Vulgar to try and work out what it costs.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2023 15:58

Ok so by the logic on here of covering your plate....

Carol has two kids. Both alike on brains and temperament.
Kate falls in love with a guy who comes from money. His family pay for the entire wedding. The wedding breakfast costs £200 ph (£150 for kids).
Pippa marries a social worker, they save hard and pay for the entire wedding themselves. The WB comes in at £20 ph (£10 for kids)

So as their aunt, with DH, 19 yo twins at Uni and a 14 you you'd honestly gift Kate £950 and Pippa £90?

blueraininlondon · 05/09/2023 15:58

Me and my partner always give around 200!

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2023 15:59

Whatswhatwhichiswhich · 05/09/2023 15:47

Christ alive, by the amounts bandied about on here you’re ending up spending around £500+ (not including your wedding outfits, travel costs and drinks costs). You shouldn’t have to pay that ridiculous amount to go celebrate someone’s wedding with them, that’s disgusting.

Nooooo you have to put the wedding prese.t money aside first and then only buy an outfit with what's left. If that's nothing then any thing from your wardrobe is better than skimming on the£500 present

Muhwanda · 05/09/2023 15:59

I’ll have the champagne flutes op - bloody love a bit of glassware! 🤣

terrifyingtoes · 05/09/2023 16:01

Some of these responses are bonkers. Here’s me thinking people invited guests to their wedding to celebrate the day with them, not to pay for the day. Delightful

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 05/09/2023 16:01

Crikey, some big budgets here! I think £50 per adult is generous, so £200 total, but make sure the adult dc chip in.

Chocolatelabradorsarethebest · 05/09/2023 16:02

I go by the general rule of £50 per person. If the kids were young you’d exclude them, but say for yours £25 each. So I’d gift anywhere between £150-£200.

I base that on if a sit down meal is provided you’re covering your costs plus extra as the gift.

Theroom · 05/09/2023 16:02

My husband and I tend to spend £40-80 between us depending on our relationship with the couple.

I've spent less (when I didn't have much money, or the wedding was destination and cost a bomb to attend, couple requested no gifts, or the couple didn't get us anything for our wedding).

We've also spent more (extremely close to the couple, no expenses to attend wedding, something I particularly want to gift).

I'd say the average gift for our own wedding was about £30pp.

CuteCillian · 05/09/2023 16:05

Minimum £50 per adult- more if it's a free bar etc. in your situation I would do £300 (£100 for you and DH, £50 per cousin)

Dora33 · 05/09/2023 16:10

As many have already said, I would return the champagne flutes and give cash. As might as well give what they asked for.
If you do give the flutes with cash, or by themselves, I would give a set of 6 or 8.

If it was only yourself and parnter going, I would give minimum €150 so would increase by another €100 to include your adult children. If it a joint gift from the 4 of you, can your children contribute?

When I went to a work colleague 's wedding with other friends from work, we all gave a joint cash gift.
This worked well as people going by themselves gave 1/2 of what the couples in the group gave.

Blinkinbloodyhayfever · 05/09/2023 16:10

Is the cover your plate thing one of these tacky Americanisms? Such as bridesmaids paying for their own outfits and guests being expected to cover the cost of the wedding? The gift, monetary or otherwise is supposed to be towards helping them start their new life together, not be a ticket price to cover their attendance.

Junibug · 05/09/2023 16:13

No more than £100 as a family. People saying gifts upwards of this seems insane!!

belgiumchocolates · 05/09/2023 16:20

£100 as a family is what I would try to give if you can, plus the Champagne flutes you have already bought would seem a nice gift. I think £100 is a lot of money so this thread has been an eye opener

N27 · 05/09/2023 16:21

£100 for me

GP78 · 05/09/2023 16:21

Pay what you can afford, we had some family give us £20 and others several thousand, it has no extra meaning. I have a cousin on benefits and another with several millions, I didn't judge either 🤷‍♀️

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 05/09/2023 16:24

Well, I'd expect adult son and adult daughter to sort their own gifts and cards to the bride and groom (£50 each), so for you and DH, £100.

Pottedpalm · 05/09/2023 16:25

I think £250 and definitely return the flutes.

honeylulu · 05/09/2023 16:26

I haven't been to a wedding for years (I'm at an age where most friends are getting divorced!) and I'm quite shocked at some of these figures. If you can easily afford it fair enough but some people just can't! I went to several weddings as an impoverished student and then as a young trainee crippled by a first time mortgage and I gave what I could afford. It didn't occur to me that I shouldn't go at all if I didn't have a spare £100!

When we got married 23 years ago some people gave us cash or vouchers- not huge amounts though (more like £20 per person) and stuff like photo frames, champagne, towel sets. Some people gave nothing as they were skint. We were fine with all that as we budgeted for the day and just wanted everyone there to celebrate with us.

If I get invited to any more weddings I'll think carefully about a sufficiently generous gift and also whether I really want to go or not!

ilovemydogmore · 05/09/2023 16:28

200-300. Agree on the champagne flutes, and if you are going to buy them at least get them a proper set. Who wants 2 of anything?

SocksAndTheCity · 05/09/2023 16:28

If this supposed rule means I'm covering the monetary cost of having me as a wedding guest, does that mean I get to take off the monetary cost to me of attending a wedding? I suspect they'd end up having to pay me.

CarolFromBarol · 05/09/2023 16:29

I'm a guest at a friend's wedding in November. A big wedding, an hour plus away. I'm staying overnight, new outfit, hair, makeup etc. drinks will be expensive at the venue.

I'll give whatever I can afford at the time for a gift.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2023 16:30

terrifyingtoes · 05/09/2023 16:01

Some of these responses are bonkers. Here’s me thinking people invited guests to their wedding to celebrate the day with them, not to pay for the day. Delightful

Not on MN, land of if you can't afford a big wedding gift it's better you just stay home and save everyone the awkwardness

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