Mrs and Mr Smith

[Oysterbabe]

When I write client letters I always put the woman's name first in the address and write
Dear Mrs & Mr Smith. The letters have to be checked before posting and my boss always swaps the names back because 'it doesn't flow properly'
AIBU for always writing the woman's name first?

If you disagree with this sexist tradition, then it's really important to keep your own name, and not to become "Mrs [chattel of] Jones".

The ordering of names on a letter is a very minor subset of the far bigger patriarchal traditions of naming.

You're just being stupidly woke and trying to make a point. You're hardly changing the world by putting the Mrs first so wind your neck in. Its also grammatically correct to say Mr and Mrs.

I have a PhD, DH does not. We share a surname, having married and changed my name before the PhD. His parents persist in addressing letters and cards to Mr and Dr Complex, my family use Dr and Mr Complex. I was very pleased with the headteacher of DC1's school for going with what I understand to be the correct Dr and Mr!

How is it grammatically correct?

Its also grammatically correct to say Mr and Mrs.

It's equally grammatically correct to say Mrs and Mr though. No, changing the order won't change the world, but it does no harm whatsoever to use either order as you see fit.

Ah, a bit of quiet rebellion...I like it! Carry on, OP!

Agree with this. This kind of shit is so irksome and tedious and boring........ 🙄

I bet all the the women on here championing the OP for saying 'Mrs and Mr,' ALL took their husband's surname - or will take it when they get married/if they get married! (They will deny it of course. )

I can count on the fingers of one hand, the amount of women I have ever known who kept their maiden name when they got married. From cleaners, checkout operators, and factory workers who are have just GCSE level education, to highly educated professionals, with a university degree, at the top of their game in their career.

Vicars, doctors, GPs, nurses, dentists, teachers, Health care professionals, opticians, consultants/surgeons, IT workers, DWP and NHS workers, police, people who work in law, and banking, local authority workers etc........ the list goes on... Almost ALL changed their name to their husband's name when they got married. No matter how professional or non-professional their job, or how well educated they are, or what social class they are... the vast VAST majority of women take their husband's surname when they get married.

I bet you kept your name when you got married, or will. You'll deny it, of course.

I sometimes do this too OP.
Plus I sometimes write ‘Dear Madam/Sir’ to mix it up a bit. Unless we do use the the other way around it will never seem usual.

“Vicars, doctors, GPs, nurses, dentists, teachers, Health care professionals, opticians, consultants/surgeons, IT workers, DWP and NHS workers, police, people who work in law, and banking, local authority workers etc........ the list goes on... Almost ALL changed their name to their husband's name when they got married. No matter how professional or non-professional their job, or how well educated they are, or what social class they are... the vast VAST majority of women take their husband's surname when they get married.”

@AlexaCanYouHearMe no I did not, nor did my sisters, nor did my mother. More and more of my students (who will all get a title) also wonder why women are expected to change their name.
it used to be traditional to wait for marriage to have sex and to promise to obey your husband who controlled the family finances. How do you feel about these traditions?

the vast VAST majority of women take their husband's surname when they get married.

Not true. I'd say 50% do. I did not. I don't recognise the patriarchal society you live in.

But the woman has chosen to take the husband’s name and will therefore expect to be addressed as Mr & Mrs. Who are you to decide otherwise? How rude of you. If I was your boss I’d be getting rather irritated at you.

I don’t expect to be addressed as Mr and Mrs

I’d be quite happy if it was the other way around

I’ve kept my last name, it was important to me.

But for formal writing, it’s always Mr before Mrs. The only time that changes is if the woman has the title of Dr or Rev. This is basic formal English writing.

It’s won’t destroy the patriarchy by writing letters incorrectly, it’s just grammatically incorrect whether you like it or not. A middle ground for me is to not say Mr and Mrs John Smith which is truly archaic. It can be Mr John Smith and Mrs Jane Smith which I’ve noted most legal letters have changed to.

90% as of 2016 apparently (still looking for more up to date figures such as how many merge names). Not trying to be difficult but the data doesn’t back up your statement it’s only half of women.

https://www.bbc.com/worklife/article/20200921-why-do-women-still-change-their-names

Mr is also before Mrs alphabetically.

Surely it depends who's name is first on the client registration form.
I do all the home "admin", so if I had contacted a builder, or will writer or another professional and they wrote to me using Mr. before Mrs, I would not be best pleased.

How it is it grammatically incorrect? You've yet to explain that. You saying something is basic formal English writing certainly won't suffice.

How many letters do you get off your parents? Birthday cards maybe but don't the envelopes go straight in the bin? How do you even notice?

@Cosyblankets My PhD is still relatively new, I haven't got used to seeing myself written down as Dr Complex yet, so I notice. Give it ten years and I probably won't.

Did they used to put Mr and Mrs? Have you told them?
I would find it a bit odd if my child's spouse told me how to address an envelope to be honest.

@Cosyblankets yes, they used to write Mr and Mrs, and no, I haven't told them because I have manners.

This. When I booked my last holiday for me and DS the flight information and hotel bookings came addressed to him. He's 7!

Unfortunately this is completely wrong. It's still over 90 percent, as per the link above, and we still live in an overwhelmingly patriarchal society which many women enthusiastically prop up, by taking their husband's name, giving their children their father's surname only, waiting for a proposal, being 'given away' etc etc.

It genuinely does my nut in that a woman intelligent and driven enough to get a doctorate would change her name to her husband's.