Son’s internet history is really weird. No idea what to do.

[Flippersfriend]

A few months back, when he first got his own iPad, I discovered my 11yo son had been looking up videos of something really really strange.

Firstly I apologise for not writing what it is here. I’m worried this post will come up when he searches for this topic again.

It’s nothing remotely illegal or adult or sexual or dangerous, just really really odd and definitely indicative of something very odd on his mind. Nothing to do with sexuality or gender either.

I’ve raised it with him before and asked (very calmly and non judgementally) why he looked that up so often and would he like to talk about it more. I said he wasn’t in any trouble at all but it was an unusual thing to be looking up. He was embarrassed and said no reason at all and refused to talk about it any further.

It stopped for a while but I’ve found a load more searches from the last few days.

As I say, it’s nothing ‘bad’ at all. It’s certainly within the parental controls I have on his iPad. If he’d only looked it up once or twice it wouldn’t be a concern at all, but he’s looking it up over and over again.

While I realise it’s hard to give advice when I’m not giving specifics, my question is more around how I talk to him about it again.

If he were a friend I’d want to say “dude this is really bloody weird. Why the F are you looking this up so much?” But I can’t say that to my child!

I’m a single parent so I can’t ask his dad to talk to him (it’s not a man related thing anyway).

Is it Dr Pimple Popper?

Or similar?

If he's 11 and approaching puberty, the thought of spots could be obsessive!

Hmm. I wonder if he thinks he’d get more fuss/attention if he was ‘an amputee?’

I had some weird ideas when I was about his age, usually prompted by something I’d read. Google wasn’t invented, so I couldn’t look it up, but I do remember thinking I’d get more positive attention (which was extremely lacking) if I was in a wheelchair. I think that was from ‘What Katy Did’! It was definitely related to a cry for attention, for me.

Another was ‘being blind’. God knows how my brain functioned back then. I was a weird child.

Interesting and disturbing.

Majority of the responses on the first several pages are along the lines of "most 11-year-olds get fixated on weird and often morbid shit". Then the section of MN who are obsessed with other people's sexual fetishes found the thread.

OP mentioned that it's not anything dangerous and within parental controls. Pretty sure it's not about executions or violence involving blades.

If I had to guess, maybe something related to the body, bodily functions, wheelchairs, baldness, illness (eg. HIV), hospitals or food/eating related.

11 is the peak age for anxiety disorders, OCD or phobias and a lot of that is related to health. Not to mention the poor generation of young children who had to spend 30% of their lives literally avoiding a deadly virus.

I wonder if he's recently met somebody who is an amputee* and has fallen down a rabbit hole of curiosity?

*Insert whatever it is here

Did something spark his interest in the topic? Eg did he watch something related to it, heard on the news or spoke to someone about it? Did you try speaking to him and explaining more on the topic and how he feels about it?

Have you considered OCD? Obsessive or intrusive thoughts (maybe he’s concerned he might become an amputee - using your example - and having intrusive thoughts about this) are a symptom of OCD.

I agree with this tbh. People (even children) are allowed to have their own weird curiosities and interests. It doesn’t have to mean anything. I’m sure we’ve all looked up odd things on the internet, and god only knows I had all sorts of strange curiosities as a child. All children do!

@Flippersfriend

I'd take it in stages.

I'd start by really analysing WHAT EXACTLY is bothering you about the topic and his obsessive interest

for example if it was amputees, it Could be likely that you feared he might have body integrity identity disorder (where healthy people want limbs amputated) or that you feared a growing sexual interest or that he was scared of amputees.

Then, depending on what your primary concern is, talk to him about it in a way referrable to your fears. So if you fear a sexual interest, you need to tread very softly and mention it almost in passing because making it more 'taboo' by raising it may make it more interesting. If you fear anxiety, then you can be more matter of fact

The obvious ways are direct
telling him you've noticed he's searched for this alot and you wondered why/whether he wanted to talk about it.
or indirect
mention the subject in passing working it naturally into a conversation and see how/whether he reacts and take it from there.

Is it to do with burns?

It's nothing bad, reread the OP.

Thankfully not!

Does he want to be a Tory MP?

Is it plausible that something specific has sparked an interest? Encountering something in real life, reading or watching something?

Have you ever asked him about his internet use before OP? You said he knows he doesn't have privacy, so could you just ask in a casual non-judgmental way why it's on his mind (same as you would if he suddenly started talking a lot about this topic) and see how he answers

"Extreme dysmorphic fixations are becoming more common, because of the internet."

"He could also come across some unsavoury adults when checking things out on specialist websites/forums..."

These factors would worry me, too. I think it is normal for kids to become intensely curious about things that are outside their normal daily lives. In times gone by, though, exploration of those subjects would be limited to library books, talking with friends, and maybe the odd film or lecture. Now there's a bottomless well of information and further angles to investigate, which absolutely are exploited by unwholesome adults looking for impressionable minds.

I'd be inclined to bring this into the sunlight of kitchen-table talk, and also to seek a child psychologist just in case.

Taking this as a potential concern is great parenting!

I hadn’t considered OCD at all but it may actually make sense.

Yes, I’ve raised it with him once before (very gently) and he was really upset that I’d asked.

Is there a teacher at school who you feel confident talking to about this? It might be that he's learned something in a lesson that's related and he's obsessing over it. And the school might be able to arrange for him to talk to someone. A professional might find it easier to broach than you/know what questions to ask etc.

Failing that, I've read that talking about difficult topics with kids is easiest when you are sitting side by side eg in the car, walking, or doing something alongside each other - it feel less confrontational.

It seems to me like you’re really interested
in “….” and because you’re searching it all the time i’m guessing you haven’t found the answers to whatever questions you have. What exactly is it you’re trying to find out or understand?

I like that. You'd not be asking him why he's looking, you'd be asking him if you can help with what he wants to know. That's much easier for him to answer, and it doesn't give the impression that there's a right or wrong answer.

That site gave me nightmares

It does sound obsessive. My dc has a diagnosis of ocd, part of it is obsessive thoughts and fixation on certain subjects.
Please DONT say like someone suggested to tell him its wierd what he's doing, this will lead to shame and guilt but I do think you need to ask some gentle questions about what's behind it.

RingOCD-UK, if possible speak to their family support worker, she's fab. They'll have suggestions for how to raise it.

My dd's an amputee* and there is a group of people who fetish amputees.

However it could also be simply an interest. Ds tends to get an interest in something and research it to death and then move on. He was googling heart surgery the other day. he has no interest in being a doctor, but something came up and he wondered and kept on googling.

I've also had some very strange google searches when writing a story. How to blow up the PM's car was one of them. I did wonder as I was researching it whether I was going to end up with MI5 on the doorstep. 😂

*Yes, I know it isn't actually amputees, but you do get some odd fetishes.

Our 12 year old has a long lasting interest in broken bones, similar with watching a lot of medical videos, searching about them, asking us questions about how different breaks are treated, even likes to practice putting on bandages.
She wants to be a nurse so it seems a positive fixation not a concerning one. She is high functioning ASD also though.