Unspoken grief childless men

[Needanewnamebeingwatched]

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/aug/28/unspoken-grief-childless-men

What are you thoughts on this report from a man who never had children and regrets it bitterly

I know half a dozen of the first type you describe.

Quietly thought they were quite the catch a la George Clooney and thought themselves entitled to a fit young wife.....they were wrong!

Clooney gives me the Ick and I can't quite figure out why?
His talk of all his pranking people strikes me as tedious and that he really does think he is beyond hilarious.

Perfectly put ♥️

Agree. If you only attract “average-looking” women at your physical peak, what makes you think you’ll attract “a much hotter 20-something” when you’re wrinkled, balding, a bit saggy and set in your ways?

Male entitlement makes men think that

I've so many female friends who wanted kids but wanted to do it the "right way" and make sure they were married/ in a LTR and had a home and finances to provide for them, who then found out that because they'd waited to get everything else in order they were now at an age were they struggled to conceive.

Mad to see the amount of posters who think that instead of sympathy my response should have been "lol, should have prioritised in your twenties so you selfish loser"

🙄

That's just bollocks.

When women don't find the right partner til they are 40 do you think the same of them?

Reading most replies to this seem to act on the assumption that meeting the right person to have children with is simply a choice that is within everyone's control. I know several people who have struggled to find the right person. Some have just had bad luck with relationships. Another person is shy and found it difficult to have any kind of relationship. Sure, they could've 'settled' for someone or had children with the wrong person, but surely that isn't the right thing to do? It isn't the straightforward choice that most posters seem to think it is.

It's difficult. I know that my own dp wanted children more than I did and had to wait til I did too. And both of my brothers wanted children from an early age-one ended up having children with the wrong person and being a single parent. The other ended up divorced and then with someone who wanted children too. I know it's an issue for some men. But very few are prepared to put their money where their mouths are. Most actually want women to do the hard work. As in so many other things!

As a Oman who is/was “socially infertile” (didn’t meet the right person at the right time) I know I should be sympathetic to this man, but I am not.

The chouce to have children has far far less at stake for men and their tendency to shy away from the kind of relationships in which children are a possibility or to fuck off from the families they do make, demonstrates how little men think about this. Compare with women, who are bombarded with stuff about finding a man, having children before it’s “too late” working, not working etc etc. And most education and professions require reasonably lengthy training right in the middle of women’s most fertile years. Our society punishes those women who try to keep going in a profession or career and have a family. There’s so much more at stake for women than for men. We live in a world shaped around mens life patterns and the male body.

We can see the pressures on women here on MN daily.

So no, I don’t have sympathy for the Peter Pans who then find themselves alone.

But very few are prepared to put their money where their mouths are.

got it in one @CurlewKate

And sometimes you genuinely cannot find someone to settle with.

People forget that. It's not as easy as some people think

He also couldn't accept that a lot of these older male celebrities having children with younger women are likely using IVF or other help.

The 'other help' might just be that hot young poolboy.

Money does actually help quite a lot. Doubly so if you're actually quite a nice guy with it.

The men on that forum don't seem all that 'nice'.

And money only compensates for age to a certain extent. If you're a multi millionaire, sure. But the vast majority of middle aged men are not.

"Reading most replies to this seem to act on the assumption that meeting the right person to have children with is simply a choice that is within everyone's control"

Yeah, for men not finding the right partner is a choice and they are to be blamed.

For women not finding a partner who wants children is also.mens fault who are to be blamed for robbing them of their fertile years

I've read the responses more as men who haven't prioritised finding a partner, haven't really wanted to commit, always waited for someone better, didn't want to get serious until they are older. Not that there is no sympathy for men that genuinely just never found a partner even if they wanted.

The reason for the lack of sympathy is that he didn't start looking until he was 42.

I've read the responses more as men who haven't prioritised finding a partner, haven't really wanted to commit, always waited for someone better, didn't want to get serious until they are older.

absolutely @Rewis I could write a book about men like this. It’d be a very boring book, though

I agree. If he was someone who was wiling to settle down and have children in his 30's fir example but just didn't meet the right person or that person didn't want children then that is one thing, and can hsppen to men and wonen, but this person was someone who didn't want children until he realised he wasn't a catch so voikdnt shag around as much as before and that women did not want children with him, then realised he'd missed the boat. Well tough luck. He gambled on getting a 20 something when he was in his 40s and lost.

My goodness this is hilarious.

If there was any doubt whatsoever why he never managed to attract a woman to have kids with - the doubt now vanishes.

The arrogance, the misogyny, the scorn of mothers... even the pompous writing style with overuse of high-syllable-count words. Shudder.

I wonder if he thought, by publishing this, he might have a last-ditch hope of attracting some sympathetic younger woman? Tragic...!

You've summed up my thoughts exactly, although I (56F) chose not to have children.

@StoatofDisarray i wish I could have made a deliberate decision not to have children. But I was surprised by the pain of single childlessness in my late 30s. And that was not for want of trying to find a “suitable” man! It got much easier in my 50s although I still can be a bit sad. But I have made a wonderful life for myself, in the face of all the pressures women are subjected to.

I always now want to say to young women - there are other kinds of lives and it’s really not so bad!

If you prioritise your 20s and 30s and place a lot of importance on being financially secure, then this is the risk you run.

It's unfortunate, but I don't know why people somehow expect to outsmart biology. Everyone has to make sacrafices and trade-offs, whether you choose to have children young, old or somewhere in the middle.

If you insist on having a marriage, mortgage, travelling, senior role, then 🤷‍♀️

😂It could indeed!