MIL wants to kiss baby/toddler… on the mouth?

[MILMayhem]

Since my LB has been born, we have had an issue with my MIL trying to kiss him on the mouth. She said it’s grandparents rights to do this. I have never been ok with this and have been quite clear that this is not to happen. Not only from a safety POV of infection for a new born but I find it very uncomfortable and I do not allow anyone to do this, neither of us, his parents, do this. I am big into safeguarding and unsafe adult behaviours and I feel she is deliberately pushing this boundary that we have set. This is really our only boundary in terms of must happens, we are relaxed and encourage loving relationships with family members. Originally I asked my DH to bring up and resolve which he did but she still pushing the boundaries. My LB has been very poorly throughout his little life so any increased infection risk is not easy, we have even had doctors tell us to limit certain behaviours which we have shared with her. She will try and kiss him and if I am there I have to say “not on the mouth” to her otherwise she tries to kiss him on the lips. I find it very odd. Is this normal for other people? No one else I know has ever tried to kiss him on the mouth or even the face as she does. Everyone is still very affectionate with him and we let him lead with cuddles and hand holding and close play (which he does often). It’s made every visit charged as I’m waiting for the swoop down and I know she will do it if I am not there. DH and I have said please do not do this and she persists.
She kisses her eldest son (45, my BIL not DH) full on the lips but not my DH or his sister. She also does not kiss her granddaughters at all.

You realise the herpes virus can kill infants? It's very much a Big Thing.

Babies should not be kissed on the lips because herpes or RSV can be fatal. Herpes can be passed even when dormant, i.e. not an active outbreak.

It's not worth risking a baby's life just because an adult feels hard done by.

Kisses on the lips aren't inherently sexual...

Not allowing it because of infection is valid and forcing affection on a child who doesn't want it isn't OK

It's not inherently sexual
Just like holding hands isn't

It's not worth risking a baby's life just because an adult feels hard done by.

Exactly and all so they can kiss them on the lips. The need for MIL to do this and going out of her way to ignore the risks is bizarre and shows what she cares about more.

I didn’t kiss my children on the lips until they decided they wanted me to. I don’t see kissing a child on the lips as sexual but I also don’t see it as necessary. I did cheek kisses and nibbles that were close to their ears, rubbing my nose against theirs, kissing their forehead and their hair and lots of cuddles and tummy time when they were babies. I never had the urge to kiss them on the lips even more so knowing the risks that have been spoken about for years.

As someone who's little boy had RSV at 8 weeks cause of my dickhead mil not listening to me about kissing on the mouth, tell her very firmly its not happened. If she takes the huff, that's her problem.

6 days and nights I slept by my boy's cot in hospital watching him with various tubes in him to feed and help him breathe because she sneakily did it while I was in the kitchen. I walked in on it and went off my tits at her about boundaries and why you shouldn't kiss babies, she told me I was being precious and should lighten up, 2 days later we were at a&e with him and she phoned just as we were heading there aaying she was ill with a cold and felt it coming on for over a week now, she then started crying when I went off on one and asked why the f*ck she kissed her grandson if she felt a cold coming.

Hes 16 months old now and a little ball of chaos, but the images of him lying there so lifeless and ill will always be in my head, all because she wouldn't respect our wishes and keep her mouth off him. She doesn't dare do it now, and hasn't tried it with our 13 week old.

As others have said there's also cold sores to consider too. And it's your baby. YOU are not comfortable with it and it crosses your boundaries, so politely tell her it's your way or none at all mama.

Ah yes that virus that babies are so immune to, so safe ….😒

There is no relevance weighing it up against your experience with disabilities.

A baby doesn’t consent to risking a virus caused by an adults selfish emotional needs.

Absolutely none of your business ☺️

Ah, so you are one of those parents. Just letting you know that some people will hate your toddler’s slobbers but they are too polite to tell you.

Yes, I would be grossed out if a toddler kissed me on the mouth. Obviously I wouldn't tell the toddler off, because it's not their fault. But I would definitely expect the parent to be educating them not to do that. Who wants toddler spit on their mouth? And who would let their toddler go round collecting other people's germs like that?

None of my friends or families toddlers have ever tried to kiss me on the lips and I’ve not seen them do it to anyone else. I’d definitely do my best to dodge any such attack lol

My first mouth kiss was when I was 5, from a grotty boy whose nose always ran in my reception class. He grabbed me and forcefully kissed me. I was disgusted and felt uncomfortable.

Because I thankfully wasn’t socialised to view mouth kissing as something you just do to anyone, I was able to realise instantly this boy had crossed boundaries and I reported him to my teacher and my mum.

If I’d just been running around kissing anyone and everyone, I may not have immediately recognised this as the unwanted invasion it was.

And btw, I always wondered where the boy got the audacity from but reading this thread I see there are parents that are failing to teaching their kids about respecting others space and consent etc!

@IVFbeenverylucky are you saying that you get cold sores as an adult so you don't think it's too big a risk to babies, (who can die from cold sores?)

@IVFbeenverylucky

Tbf the only real consequence is cold sores - and incidentally I get these so know what it's like. I also have severe disability in my family and don't think a risk of cold sores is such a big thing, set against totally normal affection.

You need to read up on this then. It IS a big thing when it comes to babies. It absolutely is. You really should know this as someone who suffers with cold sores.

The herpes simplex virus can be passed to a baby through a cold soree_ if a person has a cold sore and kisses the baby.
The herpes virus can also be spread to your baby if you have a blister caused by herpes on your breast and you feed your baby with the affected breast or expressed breast milk from the affected breast.
A baby is most at risk of getting a herpes infection in the first 4 weeks after birth.
You should not kiss a baby if you have a cold sore to reduce the risk of spreading infection.
Cold sores and other blisters caused by the herpes virus are at their most contagious when they burst. They remain contagious until completely healed.

How serious is herpes for a baby?
Sometimes neonatal herpes will only affect the baby's eyes, mouth or skin.
In these cases, most babies will make a complete recovery with antiviral treatment.
But the condition is much more serious if it has spread to the baby's organs.
Many infants with this type of neonatal herpes will die, even after they have been treated.
If widespread herpes is not treated immediately, there's a high chance the baby will die.

Ok. I'll bite.

My child is severely immuno compromised. 2 years old and endured 16 brain surgeries. So no they don't kiss everyone, merely their parents and grandparents.

But thank you, your judgement is so refreshing.