To Want to Decline Destination Wedding Invite

[Calyco]

Just got a save the date for my husband's cousin's wedding. It is on my son's 3rd birthday and is a destination wedding in another country that does not speak English. It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers. Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. Just feel as though this is quite a lot to ask of everyone and I know he is only turning 3, but I look forward to making a big to do out of his birthday. Would it be horrible to decline? Groom is my husband's first cousin.

I would definitely decline this in distance and expense alone.

Not at all, IMO if you have a destination wedding you must accept that not everyone will want / be able to go. It sounds very far away and very expensive/ difficult! I’d stay home.

Just decline, why the angst? Obviously it is too far to go.

No chance I would go to this. I'm sure a lot of people will decline!

It's an invitation not a summons.
Did they come to your wedding? Ie travel 18 hours?
Does your husband want to go? Can he go alone?

To be honest, I always think people who do this are quietly hoping people will decline. I think if they wanted large weddings, they would have it in their home country.

Wouldn’t consider going for a second.

It's simple if you can't do it you can't do it

Wouldn't even consider going, unless your DH and this cousin were more like a sibling level of relationship, as some cousins can be. And if that were the case, I'd suggest that DH goes alone 😀

Unless I could afford it without pain and wanted to visit that destination anyway, I'd decline.

I’d decline for yourself but ask DH if he wanted to go on his own, finances and leave being available.

It might be the cousin's home country.

to quote previous MN, "it's an invite not a summons"
So unless there's a big back story about DH and cousin being raised as siblings, or it being the first time in 20 years anyone has seen Aunt Lydia, then just decline and send a nice gift at the time.

Given OP said ”Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. “ that doesn’t sound very plausible.

Don’t go then. Everyone knows destination weddings will likely have a smaller guest list due to travel/cost. It’s also a good way of weeding out people you don’t want to attend for the bride/groom lol

no way. sounds like an expensive trip for the guests. I would say no thanks on that basis alone.

Never mind the birthday, 18 hours travelling with a 3 year old, on planes, is a hard No from me.

They are assuming everyone has funds to go, how wrong they are.

I had a destination wedding (absolutely loved it). I accepted people would decline, no problem whatsoever. My best friend didn’t come as she didn’t fancy the destination- not an issue.

Go if you want, stay home if you don’t. No need to make excuses.

Of course you can decline, it sounds too
far.

the reason that it’s not an English speaking country is a bit silly. Plenty of countries don’t speak English and are perfectly safe for tourists. Unless this is a drip feed and it’s North Korea then you are a bit precious. SMe for your son’s birthday. You can always have a party before or after, he won’t know the difference.

I will do my best to travel to weddings that take place in locations that don’t happen to be convenient because the couple or the couple’s family lives far from me.

If they just picked a random destination to hold a wedding, I feel no obligation to make any effort.

Just politely decline. The B&G would probably rather celebrate with people who want to be there anyway!

I really don't understand the MN angst about wedding invites

Whu are you agonising over it? Of course you can decline. You don't need to do anything other than RSVP promptly and politely. It's not a big issue.

I wouldn’t travel 18 hours to get to anyone’s wedding, let alone my H’s cousin. Let alone with a three year old…

Sounds horribly expensive travel, too.

I’d tell my H to go if he really wanted, but I expect, despite pressure from my very pushy inlaws, he couldn’t be fucked with that either.

I think it's silly to decline something because it clashes with a child birthday. A child will remember the birthday they spent on an amazing holiday, or the birthday with the huge party more than all the others.

But weddings overseas are very expensive and anyone arranging one cannot expect everyone to come, often they are banking of the fact the won't, so they can say they were invited but still have the small wedding.

I would be led by your husband, its his cousin. First cousins can be a close as siblings, or as distant as people you have never met.