Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want to Decline Destination Wedding Invite

122 replies

Calyco · 03/09/2023 05:01

Just got a save the date for my husband's cousin's wedding. It is on my son's 3rd birthday and is a destination wedding in another country that does not speak English. It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers. Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. Just feel as though this is quite a lot to ask of everyone and I know he is only turning 3, but I look forward to making a big to do out of his birthday. Would it be horrible to decline? Groom is my husband's first cousin.

OP posts:
AvocadotoastORahouse · 03/09/2023 09:13

PostOpOp · 03/09/2023 05:48

Never mind the birthday, 18 hours travelling with a 3 year old, on planes, is a hard No from me.

That's what I was thinking! Sounds like hell on earth!

Tiredalwaystired · 03/09/2023 09:13

100% decline. Arrange to take them out for dinner when they’re back to celebrate if you’re close. Don’t sweat it.

Cosyblankets · 03/09/2023 09:18

readingmakesmehappy · 03/09/2023 08:27

I loathe destination weddings. A v close family member is having one in a close European country next year and I am extremely fucked off about the expense and time (means no other holidays for us). If it was 18 hours away there's no chance I'd go.

Is anyone forcing you to go?

sleepyscientist · 03/09/2023 09:21

I love a destination wedding and had one so would go if it's a kid friendly destination and make it into a holiday. In our case 99% came and we had an amazing two weeks as a group of friends and family. We had a party when we got back for those who didn't want to or couldn't come. We've been to four destination weddings since and they have all been amazing.

mn29 · 03/09/2023 09:25

Not at all unreasonable to decline. “Thank you for the invitation, unfortunately we will be unable to attend but hope you have a wonderful wedding day” No need to go into reasons why in your reply, although if anyone in the family did later question you, I would say that cost and time needed to travel aren’t feasible.

AxolotlEars · 03/09/2023 09:46

I can't get my knickers in a knot about birthdays for 3 year olds and I have done a few!

I am up for inconvenience and cost to celebrate a wedding but wouldn't do this.

CassiniG · 03/09/2023 09:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Chippy4me · 03/09/2023 09:57

I was decline destination weddings, as I think they’re very selfish and if I’m paying to go abroad it would be for a holiday and not someone else’s wedding.

If your DH wanted to go then that would be ok as it’s his cousin and his choice but I definitely wouldn’t be going.

Echobelly · 03/09/2023 10:00

I wouldn't decline on account of a small child's birthday, but I would on account of the cost and time. I agree with others your DH can go, and no need for any excuses or explanations. DH has often been to family events abroad without me a few times as it's just to pricey for me to travel given they all are from long haul places.

Mummyme87 · 03/09/2023 10:01

Just decline. I think most couples who get married abroad appreciate it just won’t be feasible for everyone. My sister is getting married abroad, invited about 70 guests with a view at least 20 would decline.

also this invite you have sounds very expensive, 18hr flying and two layovers! That sounds like a very close family wedding only

mondaytosunday · 03/09/2023 10:02

No issue - I bet more will be declining than accepting!
My bil got married in Australia even though they lived here (wife was Australian- divorced now). They had no expectations that people would go all that way so arranged another reception back here. She wore her dress and it was just like a wedding party just without the service.

MrsSkylerWhite · 03/09/2023 10:04

Decline, you’ll not be the only ones.

Createausername1970 · 03/09/2023 10:06

Mumofteenandtween · 03/09/2023 08:13

Yep - not sure that I would travel 18 hours for my own wedding!

Show quote history

This 😁

jallopeno · 03/09/2023 10:07

Chippy4me · 03/09/2023 09:57

I was decline destination weddings, as I think they’re very selfish and if I’m paying to go abroad it would be for a holiday and not someone else’s wedding.

If your DH wanted to go then that would be ok as it’s his cousin and his choice but I definitely wouldn’t be going.

I don't think it's selfish if they don't expect you to go

TryingToBeFirstDatesFredButNot · 03/09/2023 10:17

I absolutely wouldn't decline on the basis of either your DS's birthday or the fact it's a non-English speaking country.

I absolutely would decline on the basis of travel and cost.

NoWordForFluffy · 03/09/2023 10:18

westcoast · 03/09/2023 05:04

Just decline, why the angst? Obviously it is too far to go.

This, exactly.

Why would you even worry about how to respond?

Sweetlily99 · 03/09/2023 10:23

YANBU to decline for multiple reasons distance / cost / time off / travelling with toddler/ no direct flight etc

They might be inviting people to avoid the "we didn't get invited to my xxx wedding" and won't expect everyone to RSVP with a yes. (Or you would hope they don't expect that!)

Say no l, send a card / gift / if you are close to them say look forward to meeting up after to celebrate and hear all about it.

mumda · 03/09/2023 10:26

Most I've seen have been very low numbers attending. Which is maybe an aim of the happy couple.

Decline without guilt.

Glittertwins · 03/09/2023 10:35

As others have said, I'd go if it was somewhere I'd already been considering a holiday for, could add the wedding into it and could comfortably afford it.
Anything else is a no. If the couple were that bothered about the guest list, they could have planned a pretty big wedding in this country where it was more affordable and accessible for guests. They've made their choice, as is their right, but they have to realise that others cannot meet this.

Thelonelygiraffe · 03/09/2023 10:43

I'd decline even if it wasn't my dc's birthday. The more important issues are the cost, time off work, the hassle of spending a day each way to get there and back...

I'd decline and offer to celebrate with Cousin when they're home.

zingally · 03/09/2023 10:49

My best friend deliberately chose a destination wedding so that MOST people would decline, and only the very nearest and dearest would go!

I like most of my cousins a lot, but I wouldn't even consider an 18 hour trip to a destination wedding.

WhatNoRaisins · 03/09/2023 11:10

Isn't the risk of choosing destination in the hope that people decline that you might just end up stuck with only the relatives you'd least want to see at your wedding? Imagining doing my vows on the beach with no one but uncle knobhead in attendance.

JustAnotherUsey · 03/09/2023 11:12

If your husband is happy not to go and isn't close to his cousin, just decline. Most cases these invites from cousins are out of obligation rather than actually wanting to invite. If they aren't close, doubt they would be offended

Flakey99 · 03/09/2023 13:22

I have zero interest in other people’s weddings (or my own really), so declined to attend my nephew’s wedding and it was in the same country.

I really don’t think it’s a big deal. 🤷🏻‍♀️

AlwaysFoldingWashing · 03/09/2023 13:22

I wouldn't accept this, far too much faff for a wedding