To Want to Decline Destination Wedding Invite

[Calyco]

Just got a save the date for my husband's cousin's wedding. It is on my son's 3rd birthday and is a destination wedding in another country that does not speak English. It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers. Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. Just feel as though this is quite a lot to ask of everyone and I know he is only turning 3, but I look forward to making a big to do out of his birthday. Would it be horrible to decline? Groom is my husband's first cousin.

Nope. Too far, too expensive, too self indulgent, too damaging to the planet.

It's fine to decline but I wouldn't cite a 3 year olds birthday as the reason, you ca. give him a little tea party before or after plus family can make a fuss of him before the wedding. I strongly advise not making a big do for a 3 year old though, nothing to do with the wedding, make a special not big it's too much at that age. Honestly 3 or 4 friends and shop cake plus toys is all they need for them.

Oh and why does it matter if it's an English speaking country or not? Just say no too far, too expensive, don't use excuses

I think when people have destination weddings, they don't expect everyone to come anyway because of the huge cost.

Thank you everyone for the responses. I will just decline, but see if husband wants to go. Just didn't want to cause offense with his family. The reason I mentioned it being a foreign speaking country is that that is something that makes it exponentially harder with a 3 year old. What if he gets sick? It is in a small town about 2 hrs drive from the nearest airport in a country not known for safety. The bride and groom know the local language, but I don't. What would I do in an emergency? Pre-kid I would have gone if I could no problem. With him I hesitate. Will just decline, but felt I needed to explain.

I wouldnt even contemplate that never mind afford it. Stay at home with your boy x

I mean I think you’re being over dramatic regarding it being ‘foreign speaking’ and what will happen if you need healthcare etc, that’s the same with all foreign countries where you don’t speak their language…. But as I said earlier in the thread you can decline a wedding invite

Hell OP I've turned down wedding invitations that were within walking distance. 18 hours and layovers. No bloody way. I'd just say: "I regret that I will be unable to be there. Hope it all goes well for you."

I wouldn't consider it for a cousin of my own!

Is your husband considering it Op?

If I wanted to go though it being my child's 3rd bday wouldn't register as a reason not to!

I'd decline without hesitation. I'm not going to take annual leave or give up my weekend for a wedding abroad when I'd rather do something else. If people choose to do this kind of wedding they need to be prepared that lots of people won't come.

Not unreasonable at all. If the cousin is a decent person they'll understand.

No, it’s a cousin. Totally fine to miss it. Especially ad it’s long haul and you have a small baby

This

Pretty sure couples who have destination weddings know that a lot of potential guests will decline. I didn't go to my sister's wedding because it was in term time (I was teaching) and we couldn't afford it. She totally understood and only one family member attended. It's ok to say no.

Decline, send a nice gift, and don’t give it another thought.

Definitely this.
It's quite blatant really.

Being cynical, I'm wondering whether they've invited lots of people, many of whom will decline, in the hope of lots of presents.....

Yes, definitely decline, but don’t say it’s because of the birthday. I’d decline on the much more obvious problem of traveling for 18 hours with a 3 year old then supporting that little one to behave appropriately in a new and rather formal situation with lots of strange new people. It’s hard work and full on travelling with young children and they don’t tend to enjoy much of the actual wedding either- so you would be tired, frazzled and definitely not at your best whist meeting extended family and strangers in a formal setting. You are likely to be worried and feel judged for allowing your son to behave as any typical child of his age or stressed as you try to keep him entertained and happy and quiet! You would have also paid a lot of money for the privilege 🤷🏻‍♀️
Just politely decline because it’s too far for your ds to travel at the moment, wish them well and send a nice gift instead.

"It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers."
" It is in a small town about 2 hrs drive from the nearest airport in a country not known for safety."

Oh, fuck that for a game of soldiers! That amount of travelling is reason enough to decline.

What is with destination weddings? Does making it as difficult as possible for your guests somehow garner status in the weddings community?

No way would I go. Nothing to do with DS's birthday but it doesn't sound like a feasible trip for small children!

Three year olds don't remember their birthdays and that is a complete red herring. However, a wedding that far away would be a no from me even without children, unless I really wanted to to visit that location. And I wouldn't go to so much trouble for any (however loved) family members unless I really wanted to visit the destination? People who expect family members to put themselves out to that extent are totally CFs imo.... (Unless they live there of course).

If they do live there and you feel you should go for family reasons, it's a bit different. In that case I would forget DS's birthday and do what you want to do for the wedding. DS will never know or care.......

Definitely decline. They are not immediate family and the distance and cost would be ridiculous, not to mention having a 3 year old in tow!
It's not the issue that it's your son's birthday - believe me, at 3 he won't remember any of it.

Unless it was my own DC, I wouldn’t travel abroad for a destination wedding.
We considered a destination wedding ourselves and then thought it’s a
choice of either going away with just immediate family as knew friends and siblings couldn’t afford it… or get married in the U.K. surrounded by everyone we loved…. I don’t think people who get married abroad expect many people to attend, it’s a huge expense, not to mention everyone having to take at least a week off work to make it worthwhile… so unless it’s somewhere you’ve always wanted to go and can easily afford I’d say no anyway… the fact you aren’t keen (and I wouldn’t want to travel 18 hours with a small child!) I’d just say no and wouldn’t feel guilty in the slightest. Presumably if the first cousins are that close he would know it’s your sons birthday and would’ve booked a different date too!