Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Want to Decline Destination Wedding Invite

122 replies

Calyco · 03/09/2023 05:01

Just got a save the date for my husband's cousin's wedding. It is on my son's 3rd birthday and is a destination wedding in another country that does not speak English. It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers. Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. Just feel as though this is quite a lot to ask of everyone and I know he is only turning 3, but I look forward to making a big to do out of his birthday. Would it be horrible to decline? Groom is my husband's first cousin.

OP posts:
Autieangel · 03/09/2023 07:46

Pippa12 · 03/09/2023 06:03

I had a destination wedding (absolutely loved it). I accepted people would decline, no problem whatsoever. My best friend didn’t come as she didn’t fancy the destination- not an issue.

Go if you want, stay home if you don’t. No need to make excuses.

I'd be fine with not enough money/leave/kids as reasons I'd be a bit miffed at don't like the country .

MariaVT65 · 03/09/2023 07:48

Just decline without a further thought.

I was asked to be a witness at a destination wedding and I declined on the basis that I didn’t feel comfortable taking my 1 year old there, it was a long journey, and I couldn’t afford to pay for it while on mat leave. The bride totally understood. In fact, her own grandparents also couldn’t attend.

grass321 · 03/09/2023 07:49

Plenty of countries don’t speak English and are perfectly safe for tourists. Unless this is a drip feed and it’s North Korea then you are a bit precious.

This made me laugh (I might add Russia to the list of exemptions).

I'm with you, who only travels to English speaking countries? And even less relevant when you're going to socialise with people at a wedding?

WhatNoRaisins · 03/09/2023 07:52

I'd only contemplate going to this wedding if it was something that could be turned into a family holiday. Even then I couldn't face a journey time like that with young children.

ludocris · 03/09/2023 07:57

Absolutely fine to decline, but don't make it about your son's birthday. As a PP has said, he'd probably actually have a great birthday at a wedding in a far flung location, but he won't remember it, and also the logistics and costs involved in getting there would outweigh the benefits.

Ýsette · 03/09/2023 08:05

Calyco · 03/09/2023 05:01

Just got a save the date for my husband's cousin's wedding. It is on my son's 3rd birthday and is a destination wedding in another country that does not speak English. It will take about 18 hrs to get there including 2 layovers. Everyone will have to travel to this wedding as no one invited lives anywhere close. Just feel as though this is quite a lot to ask of everyone and I know he is only turning 3, but I look forward to making a big to do out of his birthday. Would it be horrible to decline? Groom is my husband's first cousin.

Sounds like a God awful journey. I would tell them the journey and cost would stop you attending - not that it's your sons birthday as this could be argued against couldnt it?

Canisaysomething · 03/09/2023 08:06

Everyone knows a destination wedding means a high return of declined invitations. People who want everyone to attend have a wedding locally.

Just decline and don't feel bad about it for a second.

Ýsette · 03/09/2023 08:07

Mumuser124 · 03/09/2023 05:10

To be honest, I always think people who do this are quietly hoping people will decline. I think if they wanted large weddings, they would have it in their home country.

Definitely this is the case.

milveycrohn · 03/09/2023 08:10

I would decline. Having given it some thought, I would only accept a destination wedding if it were a really close relative (such as son or daughter), and only then if I could afford it.

WimpoleHat · 03/09/2023 08:11

I wouldn’t travel 18 hours to get to anyone’s wedding, let alone my H’s cousin. Let alone with a three year old…

Agreed!

Mumofteenandtween · 03/09/2023 08:13

WimpoleHat · 03/09/2023 08:11

I wouldn’t travel 18 hours to get to anyone’s wedding, let alone my H’s cousin. Let alone with a three year old…

Agreed!

Yep - not sure that I would travel 18 hours for my own wedding!

CrabbiesGingerBeer · 03/09/2023 08:13

mogsrus · 03/09/2023 05:52

They are assuming everyone has funds to go, how wrong they are.

I’m fairly sure a large percentage of people having a destination wedding know many people can’t afford it, they just don’t care.

WedRine · 03/09/2023 08:15

I didn't go to my cousin's destination wedding and it was just a 3 hour flight away to a popular tourist destination. I couldn't afford it. My cousin understood and we're going out for dinner in September to celebrate with all the siblings and cousins that couldn't attend.

DinnaeFashYersel · 03/09/2023 08:16

I declined my only cousin's destination wedding invite. I sent a nice gift.

HaPPy8 · 03/09/2023 08:17

You don’t say what your husband wants - I think this is key here, as well as if you could afford to go.

Generally I think yanbu but if you husband wants to go and money not an issue then you might be!

Ellie1015 · 03/09/2023 08:18

I would not decline due to birthday that can be celebrated on a different day.

However there is nobody i would travel 18 hours for on my own nevermind with a 3 year old.

Unless dh really wants to go i wouldn't consider it.

spitefulandbadgrammar · 03/09/2023 08:19

Oh, we’ve just all had the dreaded destination wedding invitation from a cousin – everyone has small children, everyone is declining. Children, cost, climate crisis. She’s very upset about it apparently, but then don’t have a wedding a million miles away in term time on a Friday?

Don’t angst, just RSVP no and send a gift, unless they’ve asked for money via the medium of poetry, in which case copy and paste the poem here for us to enjoy.

gannett · 03/09/2023 08:23

Well it depends what your husband wants as it's his cousin, but you don't need to make a huge drama out of declining. It's not unreasonable of them to have the wedding they want and it's not unreasonable of you if you can't make it.

The 3yo's birthday is irrelevant though. Just say it's too far/too expensive and be done with it.

isthismylifenow · 03/09/2023 08:25

I've travelled long haul with a 2.5 year old.

I wouldn't do an 18 hour journey with a child that age again in hurry.

I'd stay home with DC and let DH go alone if he is close to his cousin.

Unless you are able to turn it into an extended holiday, and stay a minimum of 2 weeks. As settling a child that age is going to take a good few days.

Clymene · 03/09/2023 08:27

I wouldn't travel 18 hours to a wedding, especially not with a 3 year old.

readingmakesmehappy · 03/09/2023 08:27

I loathe destination weddings. A v close family member is having one in a close European country next year and I am extremely fucked off about the expense and time (means no other holidays for us). If it was 18 hours away there's no chance I'd go.

Awittyfool · 03/09/2023 08:27

mogsrus · 03/09/2023 05:52

They are assuming everyone has funds to go, how wrong they are.

I think you’re the only one doing the assuming here.

Mrsmch123 · 03/09/2023 08:30

We had a destination wedding. We invited everyone "close" but accepted that it was too far and too expensive for some. We were fine with it. A simple thanks for the invite but we unfortunately we can't attend Will be sufficient. No need to go in to the whys.

MsRosley · 03/09/2023 08:31

Screw that. Completely unreasonable to expect people to go to that time and expense for a wedding.

PattyDuckface · 03/09/2023 08:34

You can't go anyway. Taking a 3 year old, on their birthday on such an arduous trip. Impossible.

Swipe left for the next trending thread