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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss DS first day of school?

116 replies

jswn · 03/09/2023 01:33

DS starts reception this week. I am doing a degree that requires placement, I have been off sick so I am very behind on hours.

I have an assessment at the end of next week that determines whether I can pass on to the next year of the course. For this assessment, I need a piece of feedback from everyone I work with each day next week.

I emailed to ask whether I could start and finish late (I would need to drop him off for 9am). I got a response saying I could start at 9:30, but I love a half an hour a commute away. By the time I drop DS off, drive there, park, get changed and reach the place it'll be way past half 9.

I don't want to get in trouble or rubbish feedback, I really need to miss this assignment.

But DS is my only child, it would be DM or DF that dropped him off. The thought of not being there for him on his first day makes me want to cry.

Im also missing drop off/pick up for the rest of the week to.

What would you do?

OP posts:
Eachpeachpears · 03/09/2023 01:44

Honestly, I would say I'll be there as soon as I can but this is really important. I wouldn't miss ds first day of school in a million years (my ds also starts reception this week). You only get one chance at parenting, he will remember who showed up. I know I do

Ponoka7 · 03/09/2023 01:45

You need to do your placement.

Doggydarling · 03/09/2023 01:49

You have to prioritise your placement, your dm or df will do a great job of making the morning special but you need to remember and believe that your qualification will benefit your dc far more than you being there for one day.

Anetra · 03/09/2023 01:49

In this case you need to pass your assignment

WandaWonder · 03/09/2023 01:51

You need to do your responsibilities you have to do the placement it is also not fair to muck other people around, just get on with it

Anetra · 03/09/2023 01:51

Eachpeachpears · 03/09/2023 01:44

Honestly, I would say I'll be there as soon as I can but this is really important. I wouldn't miss ds first day of school in a million years (my ds also starts reception this week). You only get one chance at parenting, he will remember who showed up. I know I do

He probably won’t remember!
I don’t
My kids can’t remember their first day either

justanothermanicmonday1 · 03/09/2023 01:52

You'll be there in the morning for photos and to get him dressed. Get to your placement on time. He won't remember. Promise.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/09/2023 01:52

Do the placement. You’ll be able to collect him after school won’t you? Think long term.

And good luck with it

Glorifried · 03/09/2023 01:54

Do your placement and ask DM/F to take lots of photos.

And don't feel guilty - your needs are important too.

SD1978 · 03/09/2023 01:54

Placement has to be the priority- sorry. I wouldn't have a bloody clue who took me to my first day at school- this obsessions with 'firsts' and if you're not there it's a disaster that will screw up your child for life is bloody daft and needs to stop. You are trying to better life for you and child. Not having a photos crying (you) at the school gates and instead working towards a career- can guarantee they will be more proud of you for that.

UpToMyElbowsInDiapers · 03/09/2023 01:56

Me, reading your title: “NOTHING could convince me to miss my DC’s first day of school!”

Me, after reading your full post: “oh yeah, no, it’s completely legit to let the GPs take over in this circumstance. There’s no question.”

My DC2 is also starting school on Tuesday. I will pick him up at 3:30pm and hear about his day, but then at 8pm I’ll be hopping on a flight and will be gone for work until Friday. It’s not ideal, but I love my job and on the whole it benefits my kids tremendously, so I’ll do what I need to do!

Anyfeckinusername · 03/09/2023 02:00

Just tell them it will be more like 9:45 when you will get there. Drop him in, you'll be a ball of distraction if you don't drop your son in.

WeightoftheWorld · 03/09/2023 02:00

justanothermanicmonday1 · 03/09/2023 01:52

You'll be there in the morning for photos and to get him dressed. Get to your placement on time. He won't remember. Promise.

Definitely this. And even if he does remember, he will definitely understand why that happened once he's older. It's for his own future interests. It's one morning.

I'll be lucky to even see my DD on her first morning for school tbh as im needed on site for work from 9am myself for a rare piece of urgent work. So DH will be taking her. I am taking her on day 2 instead as I have that day off work.

Redglitter · 03/09/2023 02:03

The fact you're behind in your course & everything depends on this week's placement that has to take priority

He'll be fine with his GP taking him. You can make a huge fuss over him when he gets home. He won't remember you weren't there

Remaker · 03/09/2023 02:04

This is a tough situation to be in. Did you tell them why you needed the late start?

If you’re training to be a teacher, nurse or another job with set hours/shifts and limited flexibility then you might just need to get used to the idea that you will miss milestones. If it’s just the placement that is inflexible then think of it as short term pain for long term gain.

How do you think your DS will go on the day? My eldest was very nervous to start school so we didn’t do a big fuss with grandparents etc. just a quick photo and off we went. She actually was fine when we got there and had a great day.

Original poster
jswn · 03/09/2023 02:08

Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
belleissmart · 03/09/2023 02:09

Placement definitely. I don't remember if my mum was there for my first day of school, but I remember her graduating her degree when I was young! It advanced her life (and mine ofc) a lot more than anything else. Good luck!!

Original poster
jswn · 03/09/2023 02:10

Remaker · 03/09/2023 02:04

This is a tough situation to be in. Did you tell them why you needed the late start?

If you’re training to be a teacher, nurse or another job with set hours/shifts and limited flexibility then you might just need to get used to the idea that you will miss milestones. If it’s just the placement that is inflexible then think of it as short term pain for long term gain.

How do you think your DS will go on the day? My eldest was very nervous to start school so we didn’t do a big fuss with grandparents etc. just a quick photo and off we went. She actually was fine when we got there and had a great day.

Yes, I told him the reason.

He's known for being very inflexible and not understanding that people exist outside of work.

E.g. refused to change the shift for a student who had to sit an exam two hours after a 13 hour night shift.

I was shocked he'd even adjusted my hours. I emailed to say I live 30 mins away but he hasn't responded.

OP posts:
Original poster
jswn · 03/09/2023 02:11

Remaker · 03/09/2023 02:04

This is a tough situation to be in. Did you tell them why you needed the late start?

If you’re training to be a teacher, nurse or another job with set hours/shifts and limited flexibility then you might just need to get used to the idea that you will miss milestones. If it’s just the placement that is inflexible then think of it as short term pain for long term gain.

How do you think your DS will go on the day? My eldest was very nervous to start school so we didn’t do a big fuss with grandparents etc. just a quick photo and off we went. She actually was fine when we got there and had a great day.

I am training in something similar to those.

I will have to do these hours during my training, but once I qualify I'll be taking a route with more family-friendly hours.

OP posts:
OrderOfTheKookaburra · 03/09/2023 02:12

Photos with him dressed in school inform with you at home. Lots of hugs and kisses. And know that what you are doing is for a better future for the both of you.

Original poster
jswn · 03/09/2023 02:14

Thank you. I just feel so bad that I'm missing his whole first week of school. I won't do a single school run.

OP posts:
smilesup · 03/09/2023 02:19

Before you decide. Just 100% check that they take mind if you go a little bit later. They might have thought that 9 30 would give you plenty of time. DH works at university this sort of stuff all the time we're definitely let people off on this occasion

Benandjerrysbonnoffeepie · 03/09/2023 02:20

Do your placement. He likely won’t remember his first day of school (I certainly don’t).

Take lots of photos before you leave together and do something special on another day like choosing a special pencil case or lunch box (which he’ll probably enjoy more anyway).

Keep remembering how much passing your degree will benefit you both for a really long time to come and that’s why you’re missing this one day.

Gothambutnotahamster · 03/09/2023 09:51

jswn · 03/09/2023 02:14

Thank you. I just feel so bad that I'm missing his whole first week of school. I won't do a single school run.

He won't remember - do your placement. You need to think long term. Good luck!

Spinet · 03/09/2023 09:55

Honestly if you think about it from your DSs point of view it's actually better. School can just be 'the next thing' without a big parental hoo hah about it. I do understand it's a massive thing for you, but it needn't be for him (until the reality of school kicks in on about a month and he really does need you!).

I'd think twice about actually going away during the first week of school, but not doing the school runs well take the pressure off a bit.