Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To miss DS first day of school?

116 replies

jswn · 03/09/2023 01:33

DS starts reception this week. I am doing a degree that requires placement, I have been off sick so I am very behind on hours.

I have an assessment at the end of next week that determines whether I can pass on to the next year of the course. For this assessment, I need a piece of feedback from everyone I work with each day next week.

I emailed to ask whether I could start and finish late (I would need to drop him off for 9am). I got a response saying I could start at 9:30, but I love a half an hour a commute away. By the time I drop DS off, drive there, park, get changed and reach the place it'll be way past half 9.

I don't want to get in trouble or rubbish feedback, I really need to miss this assignment.

But DS is my only child, it would be DM or DF that dropped him off. The thought of not being there for him on his first day makes me want to cry.

Im also missing drop off/pick up for the rest of the week to.

What would you do?

OP posts:
BiggerBoat1 · 03/09/2023 11:41

Jevwaypock · 03/09/2023 10:19

Could you maybe get to the school at 8.30 until 8.45 and leave then, I bet there will be people around and he can play in the playground, that way you still get to be there of some sorts?

Are you suggesting leaving him by himself for 15 minutes? 😳 That is not helpful advice.

Maybe I understood it wrong....

Lucy202 · 03/09/2023 11:41

I would go to his first day. You cant get this time back. I promise you that you already feel guilty, that guilt will stay, your always look back & remember you wasnt there. Im not saying that to make you feel guilty, you just will remember it. Tell the course im sorry but it will need to be 10am that it's your sons first day of school. Amyone with a heart will be resepectful of that. Make up a story that because its is first day you have a meeting you need to attend. The rest of the week is fine, your son probably won't even remember his first day of school. I just asked my kids if they did, my 14 year old said no my 10 year old said kind of, i remember meeting her friend, but they don't really remember. You will. These are your memories too. Dont let a board dictate your memories. Its assertive not which is a good thing xx

Upwiththelark76 · 03/09/2023 12:00

Prioritise your placement . It’s your and your sons better future.

whatsappdoc · 03/09/2023 12:01

Absolutely do your placement. Don't apologise and feel guilty in front of him because that will make him think you should be there. A breezy Have a good day, see you later, makes for a happier, resilient child. And don't listen to people who say you MUST be there. No one remembers. There's so many things that mothers are made to feel guilty about and fathers get away with scot free! And why is it such a big deal? Most children have been to a nursery and even the school nursery so hardly a huge change.

CallieTR · 03/09/2023 12:02

I had to miss DS’s first day at school as it was in September 2020 and I worked for the NHS - Covid meant there were huge staffing issues.

I empathise as it felt shit at the time but now, I don’t feel bad about it at all. He was fine and I honoured my commitment to my job.

CallieTR · 03/09/2023 12:04

Also, pretty much all education workers I know have had to miss first days at school, Christmas plays, sports days etc as they have to be with their own classes. It isn’t uncommon.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 03/09/2023 12:08

I’m a teacher. I didn’t go to any of my children’s first day of school. I didn’t go to the year 6 leavers assembly last summer.

you need to do your placement. It’s more important.

LookatEsa · 03/09/2023 12:13

Placement- guilt of not dropping off compared to guilt of failing course and wondering if being on time would have that tiny bit of difference.

There will be other times your DS will remember you prioritised for example a particular time when he was off sick from school.

Kezhoust2586 · 03/09/2023 12:15

Don't miss your DCs first day of school because of work. You will never get that time/memory back.
Just remember you're only a number in a workplace , you'd be replaced in a heartbeat. I would never choose a workplace that wasn't prepared to let me take the time to see my children off on such a massive milestone.

Take him and then make your way to work. You've explained the situation already to them, so if you're late by 10minutes screw them.

DuesToTheDirt · 03/09/2023 12:15

OP, do you remember your first day at school? Do you remember who took you there? I certainly don't.

You might care about this issue, but your son won't.

WhateverMate · 03/09/2023 12:23

Am I really unusual in that I'm in my 50s and I can clearly remember my first day at school, and all 3 of my adult children can remember theirs too?

OP, do your placement and let your parents take him to school so he can start with the rest of the kids.

It'll be a lovely memory for him and for them too. Honestly, this is mum guilt taking over and kids don't know anything about that too.

He'll be fine.

Natsku · 03/09/2023 12:33

Your son won't remember the day, and he'll have his grandma or grandad with him so he'll still have a lovely caring drop off, try not to feel guilty. My friend had to miss her son's first day of school, he had to go on the bus to school so didn't even have a grandparent dropping him off, but I was there and he was absolutely fine (I did give him a cuddle for her but he would have been fine without that).

Jevwaypock · 03/09/2023 12:37

BiggerBoat1 · 03/09/2023 11:41

Are you suggesting leaving him by himself for 15 minutes? 😳 That is not helpful advice.

Maybe I understood it wrong....

Show quote history

Obviously not fgs! Presume Dad or Grandparents will be there I just meant I’m sure people will be there they wont be outside and empty school just standing there

Movingandlooking · 03/09/2023 12:41

Can you be changed when dropping ds off. Maybe get DM to meet you there 15 minutes or so early so you can drop him off at the gates a bit earlier and leave with DM. You can make a fuss of him etc hugs, kiss, wave and then dart off. @jswn however, this wpuld be for your benefit! Which i get!! But he wont remember. So of it isnt possible then go do your placement!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/09/2023 12:43

You need to do your placement.

You DS won’t remember unless you make it into a thing

Loads of teachers etc miss their children’s first day and nothing bad happens

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/09/2023 12:44

WhateverMate · 03/09/2023 12:23

Am I really unusual in that I'm in my 50s and I can clearly remember my first day at school, and all 3 of my adult children can remember theirs too?

OP, do your placement and let your parents take him to school so he can start with the rest of the kids.

It'll be a lovely memory for him and for them too. Honestly, this is mum guilt taking over and kids don't know anything about that too.

He'll be fine.

Not unusual, I remember mine clearly

But I wouldn’t have been bothered if my GP’s had done it - my mum being there isn’t a big part of the memory for me

PurpleWhirple · 03/09/2023 12:57

Eachpeachpears · 03/09/2023 01:44

Honestly, I would say I'll be there as soon as I can but this is really important. I wouldn't miss ds first day of school in a million years (my ds also starts reception this week). You only get one chance at parenting, he will remember who showed up. I know I do

Neither of my children remember their first day at school

AD1996 · 03/09/2023 13:02

Eachpeachpears · 03/09/2023 01:44

Honestly, I would say I'll be there as soon as I can but this is really important. I wouldn't miss ds first day of school in a million years (my ds also starts reception this week). You only get one chance at parenting, he will remember who showed up. I know I do

I have to disagree with this, I can’t remember my first day of school (we start at 3 here) but my parents had to go back to work full time when I was 16 weeks old, I have never resented them for it, we needed to the money to survive, my grandparents mucked in to look after me. I now have a DS and rely on them a lot due to me working full time. So I think your comment is a little unfair.

OhHolyMoly · 03/09/2023 13:02

I’m a child of teachers.

Literally never had my own parents drop me off, pick me up or attend anything at school unless it was in the evening.

I knew they had to go to work and that was that!

We talked about our days when we got home.

It’ll be lovely for his DGPs. Have a nice stress-free morning wishing him well and getting to your placement. Ditto for everything else that week too.

OhHolyMoly · 03/09/2023 13:04

Also, there are more than 2,500 pick ups/drop-offs for every primary age child… don’t sweat it!!

Stompythedinosaur · 03/09/2023 13:05

I'd go to my placement. Your ds will be fine.

hollylou · 03/09/2023 13:06

I'm a nurse so work long hours, I've missed so many of my sons "firsts" it's his first day of reception tomorrow and I've booked the day off to take him and pick him but apart from that I'm just not going to be around for the school run. I've recently completed a masters so I've been even most absent than usual.
On the flip side I've got a career and a well paid job that allows us to enjoy ourselves on the weekends and holidays.
Don't feel guilty about your career needing to be prioritised on occasions. There's a lot of guilt tripping on here, it's one day and if everybody here was honest nobody remembers who took them to their first day of school. Good luck with your assessment.

Plantsarelife · 03/09/2023 13:06

I’ve been where you are OP- single parent and working long hours with early starts so I’ve had to miss the first day of school, and most of the drop offs and pick ups.
He’s going into year one this year and I’ll not be at his first day because of work, his Grandad is taking him.
Your child honestly won’t remember their first drop off at reception, and you can be there for other milestones like the Christmas play/ sports day etc…
Do some school uniform photos as a keepsake, and maybe but something in their school bag for them like a little card to open. I put little doodles/ notes/ stickers in my sons lunch box for him.

Hellocatshome · 03/09/2023 13:08

Eachpeachpears · 03/09/2023 01:44

Honestly, I would say I'll be there as soon as I can but this is really important. I wouldn't miss ds first day of school in a million years (my ds also starts reception this week). You only get one chance at parenting, he will remember who showed up. I know I do

Not the case, I have no idea who dropped me off on my first day. And if it was a grandparent not my mum I dont think it has mentally scarred me in anyway.

IDontNormallySayThis · 03/09/2023 13:09

Kezhoust2586 · 03/09/2023 12:15

Don't miss your DCs first day of school because of work. You will never get that time/memory back.
Just remember you're only a number in a workplace , you'd be replaced in a heartbeat. I would never choose a workplace that wasn't prepared to let me take the time to see my children off on such a massive milestone.

Take him and then make your way to work. You've explained the situation already to them, so if you're late by 10minutes screw them.

If the OP misses her placement, from my understanding, she won't progress; therefore taking longer to complete her course and enter the workplace.
As much as it might be hard, you have to think long term.
There will be lots of other 'first days', and hopefully you'll be there for more of them, but this time, I'd go with placement. If it's any consolation, my DM never made it to my first days, never bothered me, I knew it wasn't out of choice Smile

Swipe left for the next trending thread